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to think that if you make a huge fuss every time your child falls over, you're not doing them any favours?

(147 Posts)
SCARYspicemonster Thu 08-Oct-09 13:13:17

My toddler (in common with most of them I expect) quite often trips up when we're walking down the road. He never cries when he does, just picks himself up and I say 'oh dear, never mind' or something similar.

Today was walking along and there is a woman coming towards me with a child of a similar age who trips and falls over. Not badly and not hurt as far as I can see. Her mum stopped and made a huge fuss and the child started sobbing as if they'd really hurt themself but from what I could see, there were no injuries.

Surely we want to encourage our children to have a bit of stoicism or school's going to be hell?

Am prepared to be flamed for this

CakeandFineWine Thu 08-Oct-09 13:16:43

I totally agree, My SIL does this with my niece and it drives me mad as shes clearly fine until a fuss is made and then starts to cry!!

kreecherlivesupstairs Thu 08-Oct-09 13:17:34

I won't flame you. Our dd never makes a fuss if she falls/trips/stumbles and hits the deck. I know if she's really hurt herself because she cries. We never indulged her if she did fall, obviously we'd be sympathetic but the reactions of some mums is ridiculous. IMO the dc then become a bit prima donnaish following falls.

Hulababy Thu 08-Oct-09 13:18:43

I agree.

GhoulsAreLoud Thu 08-Oct-09 13:19:00

YANBU.

UTGSN.

wink

SCARYspicemonster Thu 08-Oct-09 13:20:35

Blimey - I fully expected a slew of YABVVVVU!

UTGSN ghouls??? Am dim

IdrisTheDragon Thu 08-Oct-09 13:20:41

I agree too. There was a girl at DD's birthday party who got a tiny scratch on her finger and you would have thought the world was going to end. Here you get sympathy if there is a real injury but just a kiss better if not (it's amazing the powers of a kiss better smile)

QueenOfFrighteningEveryone Thu 08-Oct-09 13:22:34

YANBU.

Ex MIL used to make a Huge Big Enormous Fuss every time she saw DD fall over or bang her head.

DD (aged about 18m) would walk into a table, and off she'd go.... "Oh deary me, did she bang her little head? Oh no, poor poppet, does it hurt you, oh dear let grandma give it a rub and a kiss, lets smack that naughty table" <<smack smack>> "how dare it hurt my girly, ohh its a naughty table, ooooh now baby don't cry though, you'll make grandma cry, boooo hooooo see now look grandma's crying too, oh she wants her mummy now the poor little love..."

And I'd be handed a wailing and confused todldler, who hadn't actually noticed she'd bumped her head but was horrified at the smacking of tables and crying grandma.

Arg.

Itsjustafleshwound Thu 08-Oct-09 13:27:54

YANBU - I am trying to ignore DD's and DC's theatrics - which are only tempered by a plaster on the non-existent or very small cut and graze ... my kids like plasters !!

BiteOfFun Thu 08-Oct-09 13:30:21

Ghouls wink

miamla Thu 08-Oct-09 13:31:27

YA most definitely NBU

DS falls alot (14mths), as others have said, i know when he's properly hurt because thats the only time he cries. when mil is here, that's a different matter. i need say no more! hmm

JoandMax Thu 08-Oct-09 13:33:02

YANBU at all, some of my friends drive me mad as every tiny little bump or trip they pick them up and start fussing "let me check your face" etc etc which makes any hint of tears so much worse!

I leave my DS to it unless he has genuinely hurt himself and he frequnetly tumbles and just gets himself back again without a grumble. Although he is a little daredevil at the moment and has a good few bruises from climbing incidents so maybe not such a good thing after all............!

CommonNortherner Thu 08-Oct-09 13:34:16

YANBU, I always paused to let ds decide whether he was hurt or not.

Is UTGSN unless they've got special needs?

Niecie Thu 08-Oct-09 13:35:29

YANBU

From your title I thought you might suggest you would quite literally ignore a child who has fallen over which would be a flameable offence imo but you aren't saying that. You do what I do, pick them up dust them down, say oh dear, never mind and get on with things.

You can tell when a bump is hurting and that is the time for a bit more attention but that doesn't happen often.

spongebrainmaternitypants Thu 08-Oct-09 13:35:36

YANBU and you're absolutely right about school being hell for the wimpy kids who cry every time they so much as graze themselves. Parents do their kids no favours making them so needy for attention IMO.

But then my mum was a nurse so unless I wasn't breathing or was bleeding to death I got no sympathy grin!

Pikelit Thu 08-Oct-09 13:38:11

YANBU. It doesn't do any child a favour to over dramatise minor tumbles.

ds2 was particularly stoical anyway - mainly because most of his injuries were entirely predictable and entirely down to his superior knowledge. Like the time he ignored my advice about the painful effects that might accompany his insistence on running around the playground with his coat on backwards and his face buried in the hood.

Bramshott Thu 08-Oct-09 13:39:35

YANBU, but sometimes it's difficult to control your own reactions.

DD2 went through a phase of holding her breath when she fell over, to the extent that she would go floppy, and I realised that I was making it worse by panicking, so now I have to really steel myself to say "there, there, never mind, you're okay" rather than "oh my god" while she is screaming away!

melrose Thu 08-Oct-09 13:40:17

YaNBU, this drives me mad too. I ahve 2 DS who are always falling over, older one has permenant grazed knees. "Oh dera pick yourself" is the best they get out of me. Maybe a kiss better if it hurts! DS1 (%) is enormously proud of NOT crying if he falls over these days

Kelix Thu 08-Oct-09 13:42:58

QueenOfFrighteningEv..: Your post sooo reminds me of my Nanna!

'Oh kelix your DD just fell over, no she did shes up now but she fell, she might have banged her head, oh come here lovley let Nanna look at you, ah poor baby, is that a mark on your face, oh baby are your legs sore? did you hurt your knees? hows your head feel do you have a headache? are you hungry? I bet shes hungry ill give her some chocolate shall I?'

Then get back a DD covered in chocolate whilst complaining of 'sooores' everywhere and a 'hed ac' lol

If they fall over and hurt themselves they will cry. Theres no need to make a fuss otherwise - seems to make them more upset when a fuss is made, and as they get older they will milk it for all its worth!

Iklboo Thu 08-Oct-09 13:43:06

Not unreasonable - if he obviously really goes a cropper and hurts himself then he gets the hug & 'kiss better'.
Mind you he's getting to that age where 'brave boys don't cry' (his idea) and you can see him desperately trying not to cry sad

kickassangel Thu 08-Oct-09 13:53:50

YANBU
DD has been known to take this too far, like the time she REALLY hit a door hard, had nose bleed & cut lip (lots of blood) and was still trying not to cry, but saying 'I'm OK'.
She gets full sympathy for big hurts like that, i never told her not to cry for such situations, but she is determined to go on, no matter what.

Unlike one friend of hers, who used to wait until the adult was bending over her (she would refuse to get up) then let out an ear piercing scream, followed by forced sobs & wails, which would continue for over an hour. Just for a graze. I used to hold her friend's hand and not let her run, as I just couldn't deal with the drama of a fall.

lolapoppins Thu 08-Oct-09 14:10:24

I always felt really judged (still do) when ds hurt himeself and I didn't fall to the floor weeping myself. Of course, if it looks like he has really injured himself I would sprint over hot coals, but for minor falls etc, I just shout 'are you ok'. If he's upset or hurt he will come to me for a cuddle, but never milks it. He is 7 now, and gets so emmbarrased falling if there are other kids around he doesent like a fuss made.

I have a friend with a ds the same age though who has always made a massive fuss for every little thing, I swear the kid falls of swings in the park on purpose as he knows he will get an ice cream if he cries for long enough.

BalloonSlayer Thu 08-Oct-09 14:44:24

If my DCs bang their heads, I sympathise then ask: "What's 2 + 2?"

When they say "Four" I reply, "Oh good, your brain's still working. Off you go!"

Works every time wink

nellynaemates Thu 08-Oct-09 15:20:35

YADNBU I have never ever made a fuss when DS falls over, even when he was tiny, and do the same as you, "oh dear, never mind" or if I think he's got a bit of a sore one "shall mummy kiss it better?"

As a result he only cries if it's a really proper sore one (very rare thankfully!)

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne Thu 08-Oct-09 15:22:54

YANBU

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