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For being furious with DH for being A Good Person?

(10 Posts)
pooexplosions Wed 07-Oct-09 11:03:36

Last night about 11pm, I am in bed BF'ing 5 day old baby (so a bit hormonal and so on), 2 older DC in bed. DH comes up and says can you here that noise from next door? I can hear crashing and banging and slamming noises, he says that from the kitchen you can also hear crying and shouting etc. He says shall I go and tell them to shut it, and I say no way, stay out of that, they sound pretty worked up.
10 mins later he comes back and says he thinks maybe the woman needs help and we should do something, I say call the cops then and get them to come quick, but do not get directly involved.

Now the next thing I hear is some serious almighty screaming and banging, and then our front door opening and shouting outside. I start calling DH's name and no answer, I'm half naked and attached to baby so can't move,I can hear shouting in the street. A good few mins pass and he comes back in saying your man is gone, he went to ask your woman if she was ok and she went for him and then slammed the door in his face. The man (who had something in his hand, poss weapon) said sorry to DH that she was a lunatic and then legged it.

Am I BU to be absolutely furious with DH for going out there instead of calling the cops? All I could think of was news reports along the lines of "innocent bystander killed in domestic" or "Good samaratin stabbed in street brawl" and so on. I know his instinct was to a) help someone if they were in trouble and b) try not to have our kids disturbed, but I think he should have locked the door and phoned the police.

We live in a pretty quiet area and this tenant is new, only in a few weeks, so we are hoping that it is not going to be a pattern (and I'll be calling their landlord to report it), but I'm just wondering if AIBU, as DH thinks I am over-reacting due to having the new baby.

MN Jury please?

toddlerama Wed 07-Oct-09 11:08:45

It is scary to think of what could happen, but your DH sounds like the kind of person we all wish was more common. YANBU to feel panicked, but YABU to try and stop him doing the right thing.

Stigaloid Wed 07-Oct-09 11:20:29

agree with toddlerama

Congrats on new baby

Sunshinemummified Wed 07-Oct-09 11:20:45

Unfortunately I know someone who was killed when stepping in to help out so I would be in your camp. Call the police, but keep directly out of it.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Wed 07-Oct-09 11:33:46

YANBU for two reasons.

1) You should NEVER get involved in a domestic. Years ago, my dad saw a guy beating his girlfriend up in the street, dad stopped him and the girlfriend turned on my dad and started ripping into him. Women always defend the violent boyfriend- which is why they stay with them, they love them and they will try and protect them from another man. Obviously, in this case, it may have sounded that the woman was the victim when it was quite possibly the man who was the victim. Men can be victims too, despite their strength. Particularly the decent ones who feel they cannot retaliate and harm a woman.

2)Your husband could have been hurt, but then your door would have been wide open with two angry,raving lunatics out there- putting you and your three children at risk.

But men feel they are the strongest person in the world and must intervene- my DH is the same but he has listened to me before not got too involved, though half the street were out trying to sort things and I had already phoned the police.

smee Wed 07-Oct-09 12:15:00

Thing is, it sounds like he acted instinctively. ie he heard someone in distress and reacted by going straight out to help. I'd hope my neighbours would do the same if they thought I was in imminent danger. Still it's far from sensible. Howabout now it's past you get him to promise that if there's a next time you call the police as soon as it kicks off. The police would tell him to stay out of the way until they get there, so they'd be on your side.

jasper Wed 07-Oct-09 13:01:20

You don't have to agree with his actions but you should be very proud of him.
If I heard or saw someone being attacked I absolutely WOULD intervene

Astrid28 Wed 07-Oct-09 16:12:32

YANBU at all. I am ALWAYS having 'what if' type conversations with DH as he insists on getting over-involved in other peoples business.

I would have called the police, definately, I'm not saying sit and do nothing. But theres no way I'd allow DH to potentially be harmed (he insists he is invincible which pisses me off)

I'm not sure I would feel that proud of my DH if he was a have ago hero who was hurt or worse as a result of intervening in something like this. He means the absolute world to me and I'm not prepared to sacrifice our family for the sake of a stranger. Maybe thats mean but it's the way I feel.

That said, I once chased a man down the street who was intimidating and being racially abusive towards a young girl - so I'm not entirely devoid of compassion. I just want to keep DH safe, as you do so nope YANBU at all x

jemart Wed 07-Oct-09 23:38:43

Yanbu - I'd have felt the same in your situation.

WickedWench Thu 08-Oct-09 00:08:44


DP's friend ended up in hospital for a week after intervening when a bloke was beating the crap out of his girlfriend in the street. He pulled him off her and smacked him in the face, getting his hand cut by one of his teeth in the process. The battered girlfriend then turned all protective over the violent boyfriend so DP's friend left them to it.

Two days later he has a horrific fever and is admitted to hospital with blood poisoning cos the bloke he punched, while trying to stop him battering his girlfriend to a pulp, hadn't cleaned his teeth in some time!

He said that was the first and last time he would ever intervene in a domestic. That was bad enough but some people come off much worse. Call the police and let them do their job.

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