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to be mightily pissed off at my friend child friendly birthday party

(112 Posts)
Lifeistooshort Tue 06-Oct-09 20:16:41

apologies in advance as this is a long post, but I need to vent

I will try to keep it short but basically this weekend it was my friends 30th birthday but also my DH's birthday on Saturday. It has been planned for months, and because it is an important birthday I have on many occasions offered not to take my DCs if she was doing something where children would not be very welcome. Each time she assured me that the children were her friends too and that she really really wanted them there.

So anyway weekend was planned at center parcs and a child friendly trip to a nearby safari parc was planned for the Saturday. We arrived on Friday night we arrived quite late with tired little DCs only to be told within minutes of arrival that we wouldn't go to the safari parc as everyone wanted to play badminton instead. DD (4) ended up in floods of tears because she was looking forward to it. I calmed her down and told her we would go swimming instead and my friend promised her that she would come.

Next day my DD was looking everywhere at the swimming pool saying "oh I think I can see friend here all the time" after about 5 minutes, I knew friend wasn't going to come. After about 30 I broke the news to DD who was completely hearbroken and couldn't understand why friend who had really really promised wouldn't come to swim with her.

And from then on the whole weekend was like that. We met the others at badminton and had to watch them play for an hour to then be told that they had booked a bowling alley for 14.00 (it was 13.00 then). The kids were starving so at 13.20 my husband asked what the plan was with regards to having lunch. We had been told there was a picnic for which we bought loads of food for everyone to share but that was cancelled too. So we all went to cafe/pub and for some reason our orders arrived last...and all the party left before we had even tucked in our food because they “add to go bowling otherwise they would loose the alley. I thought that was so rude.
Before they all disappeared, my DH said he would put the kids in bed and bring back the food to the villa with me and would catch them up. So he did just that except that when he turned up at the bowling alley, they had all left and not waited for him. And because they wouldn’t make a plan because they had to go with the flow, DH spend an hour cycling before coming back to the villa unsucessful.
And the last straw of the day was that to meet the other to go to the pub in the evening, our trailer broke. A few people from the party including Friend hadn’t left and one of them was supposed to come back with their car to pick us up allegedly. So we waited with the starving and tired DC (it was 19.30 after all) and waited and waited and no one came, so my husband had to hitch a ride from one of the parc rangers. I was so pissed off, if it had been down to me, after 40 minutes of waiting I would have fed the kids at the villa and put them in bed. Because we arrived very late at the pub between 8.30 and 9, we only stayed about an hour, a good chunk of which was spend walking DS.

And the next day because again there was no plan, we went swimming on our own. We managed to track Friend and party down at about 13.00 they were playing volley ball etc. And again, we were told within 5 minutes of arrival that they had booked a badminton course at 14.30 to which we replied “fine because we are leaving”. We stayed about 40 minutes and left.
So come on ladies, give it to me straight:
AIBU to be pissed off that we were completely side lined? It was as if we had turned up to a party we weren’t invited to. I would never treat my friend this way. I think it is so rude to ignore some of your guests ...a whole weekend
AIBU to think that if I had wanted to be in centers parcs on my own, then I would have like to do it on my terms and to fit my kids routine
AIBU to be pissed off that we insisted we come a whole weekend and didn’t give us the time of the day
AIBU to be pissed off that my kids were completely ignored apart from the fact that they were treated like cute litte pets for about 5 minutes and supplied with sweets (!). Especially when friend insisted I bring them (I could have come just to the pub and have them looked after, it would have cost me a fraction of the price of the weekend)
AIBU to be pissed off that we had to spend a small fortune to end up spending the weekend on our own?

So am I?

BellaBear Tue 06-Oct-09 20:19:21

YANBU at all. Sounds hellish.

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween Tue 06-Oct-09 20:22:24

Sounds utterly horrendous!

wonderingwondering Tue 06-Oct-09 20:22:42

No, YANBU. But if people haven't got kids they just don't get the routine/plan thing. We had the same thing with my family in CP, in the end we just did our own thing and hooked up with them when they happened to be doing something that was convenient for us.

Tbh, you can't expect a group of adults to be restricted by your children's routines and the inevitably rigid feed/sleep times, but it is a shame your friend made a big thing about them coming then didn't actually want to adapt her weekend to suit them! She'll only realise if/when she has her own.

Maveta Tue 06-Oct-09 20:22:50

YANBU she sounds thoughtless and I´d like to say I hope you tell her so but tbh if it was me I probably wouldn´t bother, I´d just cool the friendship right off.

iheartdusty Tue 06-Oct-09 20:24:19


but are they all childless? Sounds as though they had absolutely no idea about routines, living up to children's expectations, etc (and I was the same at that age I suspect).

IsItMeOr Tue 06-Oct-09 20:24:51

YANBU. I think it might be annoying you even more because it sounds as if you suspected this might happen and it is horrible to be proved right in this way.

tadjennyp Tue 06-Oct-09 20:25:44

no, YANBU especially as you repeatedly offered not to bring the DCs. They don't sound very friendly to me.

Lifeistooshort Tue 06-Oct-09 20:36:01

Thank you all makes me feel slightly better. On top of all that poor DS had temperature and was poorly and DH's birthday was completely set aside...for nothing

wonderingwondering I get your point and I wasn't expecting the adults to accomodate my kids all the time, but if I had know the safari trip would be cancelled, I would have had an inkling and would only have gone to the evening. And there is a difference between accomodating the kids all the times and doing something together perhaps two hours so that we feel we are being included a little

I did try to tell her the weekend was not child friendly and I was quite upset and she would not believe it and got really stroppy. I also told her "you'll understand when you have children" to which she replied "I cannot believe you are even saying that" sad

BooingTheBestICan Tue 06-Oct-09 20:36:58

YANBU,your friend sounds quite rude tbh,whether people have children or not they should still realise its rude to keep people waiting & let them down.

I agree in that you should cool the friendship,life's too short to put up with shit.

I hope you had a good time with your family regardless?

DuelingFANGo Tue 06-Oct-09 20:43:31

I don't think YABU but from her reaction I wonder what it was about the 'you'll understand when you have children' comment that upset her so much?

Knickers0nmaChoppedOffhead Tue 06-Oct-09 20:45:57

Yanbu. How rude of your so called friends.

Lifeistooshort Tue 06-Oct-09 20:48:32

booingthebestIcan (love the name by the way) we did have an ok time but could have enjoyed it more if we didn't spend half the time trying to catch up with people or wait for them

I am really sad as we have been friends for over 8 years and she is one of my best friends. I was even considering her as goodmother to my 3rd DC if I ever go one!

duelingfango not sure either.

The worst thing is I am sure the minute we left they must have slagged us off behing out backs. Friend had another friend with baby (who also spend quite a lot of time on her own on the Sunday) she took baby for a walk presumably because baby needed activity and wasn't too keen on watching volley ball for hours. The minute she left Friends' mum made nasty comments about how she was a new mum and wouldn't let go! She let her baby with an unknow babysitter on the saturday night. Giver her a break I think she is more than fine at letting go!

rachels103 Tue 06-Oct-09 20:50:40

YANBU - I would be furious. She shouldn't have made promises to your children that she had no intention to keep, and you did offer not to take them.

wonderingwondering Tue 06-Oct-09 20:51:39

OP, I wasn't trying to criticise you for being upset smile - I would (and have been) upset in a similar situation. Just trying to make you feel a bit better about your friend! People without children often just don't get it.

Whenever we take our children to things like that it's on the basis that we are going away for a weekend, and if we see others there at the same time, that's a bonus. In your situation I'd have just gone to the safari park and caught up with the others later.

That is quite a hard thing to do, if you are there with a group, but when you have children you have to be selfish on their behalf!

LynetteScavo Tue 06-Oct-09 20:52:24

YANBU.....but I have learned from experiences like this, and would have gone to the Safari park anyway.

pigletmania Tue 06-Oct-09 20:57:21

After the safari park cancellation and swimming cancellation i would have planned our own weekend and taken your DCs to the safari park anyway. YANBU sounds like an absolute nightmare.

morningpaper Tue 06-Oct-09 20:57:28

YANBU but YABU to expect childless friends to have the foggiest idea why you were upset

geraldinetheluckygoat Tue 06-Oct-09 20:58:27

the weekend sounds very annoying and as centre parcs isnt cheap, it must have felt very galling to have spent the money and then have such a rubbish time. I would be very annoyed at this too. sad
These Birthday Gala Weekends people organise often turn out to be a bit of a nightmare dont they?

Lifeistooshort Tue 06-Oct-09 20:59:17

wonderingwondering I know you weren't no offence taken.

I don't know if there is a next time but if there is you as so right wondering and lynette and we'll be more selfish.

The worst thing is that during the week I had suggested to my DH we skyve on saturday lunchtime and go somewhere to celebrate his party and he is the one that said "no, Friend really wants us all to be together so let's stick together!" ...

diddl Tue 06-Oct-09 21:00:40

YANBU, of course.

But if the rest of the party were adults, I might have gone with the thought that as the only family, we might end up not being able to join in much and would need our own plans.

SixtyFootDoll Tue 06-Oct-09 21:04:27

Why didnt you just do the safari park anyway?
instead of sitting around watching them play badminton?
We often do weekends away with friends to CP
but on theunderstanding if one family / couple want to do something that the others arent doing then thats fine
think ya all being a bit U
and should have communicated better?

preciouslillywhite Tue 06-Oct-09 21:04:48

YANBU. Had a near identical experience to yours a year ago, so you're not alone. fact, the only major difference to your story was that ours was a friend's 40th!I'd known her for years, but due to this- and Other Things- we're no longer friends.

DamonBradleylovesPippi Tue 06-Oct-09 21:11:18

YANBU at all of course. It would be the same with some of my chidless friends if I'd let them. I have fallen for it a few times ("bring the children for dinner it'll be fun I really want to see them" scenario - only to speak to them for 5 min then go on as they do not exist and roll eyes when they moan because too tired and bored - hence evening ruined for me which could have been a pleasure had I left children tucked upp in bed with my mum). Never Again.
Another similar example was childless friend telling dd how horrible school was a week before she was about to start reception shock. Luckily she was so dopey and relaxed about the whole school thing that it didn't matter, and I kicked him really hard too! I always tell such friends I'll be waiting for them... [evil emoticon].

Bathsheba Tue 06-Oct-09 21:13:03

Sounds like she wanted an adult weekend, and wanted you there...but knew she'd only get you there if the kids could come too.

She clearly had no idea that cancelling something as wonderful as a safari park outing wouldn't go down well (cancelling it for badminton....what a pile of crap)...and clearly wanted meals etc at adult times.

TBH the whole "come to center parcs for an entire weekend for my birthday" smacks of princess-ness in the extreme anyway, and I suspected I'd have bailed at that point when I realised that what she was looking for was an entourage for the entire weekend doing exactly what she wanted..

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