to prefer DH when he has smoked a spliff?

[Fobwatch]

I have namechanged cos it's a sensitive subject. DP and I met when we were at college and at the time, he and lots of our friends smoked cannabis. It was really no big deal. I didn't mind then, it was just like having a drink. None of them moved on to hard drugs, none of them ever got into trouble with the police, none of them moved on to dealing, they all got good degrees and most of them went on to really good jobs.

DHP has a great job that he loves in a creative field, but he is now in a senior position which he finds stressful....so occasionally, he smokes a spliff at home. (In the back garden, actually.)

He gets the stuff from an old college friend whom we see very occasionally, so DP smokes only occasionally -- but I am realising that I prefer him when he has smoked

He is not only more relaxed, chattier, more fun, it also reminds me of how he was (we were) back in college days. He is more affectionate towards me, more pleasant company.

I don't want to suggest he smokes more but AIBU to prefer him after he's smoked a spliff?

PS Nothing changes when he has smoked, apart from he's a bit more cheerful. He still gets up the next morning with DC, gets to work on time and performs at work as usual, never drives when stoned, just in case you're wondering if there is a specific downside to his smoking. Not that I can spot

[pooexplosions]

I don't think you are BU. I adore my OH on the rare occasions he has a smoke, he finds it hard to really relax most of the time and is so lovely when he chills out that little bit.

IMO its just like having a couple of beers, no better or worse.

[Sn0wflake]

Sounds like you need a relaxing break together really. Having grown up in a house where dope was the norm I can honestly say that (despite what my parents thought at the time) no good ever came from it. It's a form of escaping but means you don't face up to the real problems around you. It is linked to mental illness and the tobacco (if used) is not good news....

So I suppose a gentle YABU...I think you should be talking to your DP about possibly changing his life so that he is that more relaxed individual without the spliff.

[crazylizzy]

YANBU, I actually agree with you and I also prefer my DH after he's had a smoke. It's very controlled and never in the house or when the DC are awake. He becomes chilled, chatty, funny and relaxed.

YANBU, enjoy it!

[BigHairyLeggedSpider]

I, like Snowflake, grew up in a household where dope was smoked by both my parents and their friends as the norm, and despite them building it into their "culture" and denying it has harmful effects, I've seen what it can do when smoked regularly. Both my parents are paranoid depressives - one's an alcoholic, one has persecution issues. I love them both, but they're both victims of the cannabis culture.

When DH has one spliff he's great (he's great anyway), and I might share it with him on occasion.

When he has it and can't resist a smoke every night he becomes withdrawn, quiet and sketchy, and is a pain in the ass to live with.

Moderation I say... he says he can't!

[HerBeatitude]

I think it's quite sad that he needs a spliff in order to become someone whose company you enjoy more.

But maybe he only has a spliff when he is relaxed anyway? When he knows he has time, so that's the way he deploys it? Is it psychosomatic, this turning into a relaxed, chilled person because of the spliff? Maybe he'd be nicer anyway, because he's taking time out?

[GypsyMoth]

my neighbour is in court this week for driving after smoking drugs. she'll lose her licence,and she's got a disability which means she will really lose out now.

it was us who reported her after she ran into neighbours fence opposite,narrowly missing a child,then she rammed our car straight after so we had to call police. we took keys off her first time cos thought she would just go in and sleep it off,but she had 3 sets of car keys!!

couldn't reason with her,she was determined. so i'm biased on this.

prob be shouted down but imo YABU

[WoTmania]

YANBU to prefer him after he has smoked a spliff.
You would BU to suggest he smoked more

DH used to smoke but gave up before we got married. He was always an incredibly chilled, relaxed person. Since he stopped he is a lot less chilled. However he also gets a lot more done round the house etc and I am asthmatic so I'd rather stressy DH who gets stuff done than relaxed DH who will always do it 'tomorrow'

[daftpunk]

i think you're being a bit unreasonable...

i would hope people didn't prefer me when i was drugged..

[daftpunk]

yeah...you're probably right...