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to not want to spend a fortnight sleeping in the world's most uncomfortable bed?

(24 Posts)
MaMight Mon 05-Oct-09 13:28:03

We are going to stay with my parents.

The bed in their spare room is SO BLOODY UNCOMFORTABLE. You'll have to believe me when I say that I am truly not a delicate flower, and I can sleep on most things... but this bed... <groan>

It must be at least 30 years old. The springs are beyond repair. The mattress... oh god, the mattress... it is lumpy, and it sags meaning that two people in the bed gently roll together until they are pressed so closely together that body parts go numb. And not in a fun way.

And, AND, we'll have ds sleeping in the middle of us this time. HOW????? He will be flattened. OR we will have to sleep in shifts.

AND as for when dd gets in too... oh dear.

It's a standard double, so feels teeny.

Is there any way I can get around this without hurting my parent's feelings?

Am thinking along the lines of ordering them a new mattress and being cheerfully upfront ("that old mattress is ancient and we thought it was time you had a new one. You probably don't realise it needs replacing because you never sleep in it. Ha ha, yes, aren't we fussy buggers.") but even if they act okay about it I know they will be hurt because they are doing so much to make the house habitable for our stay and they will take it as us saying that their efforts aren't good enough for us.

And anyway, as dh pointed out, a new mattress on those bed springs won't really achieve much. We can't make them have a new bed.

No nearby hotels.

I am dreading it.

LoveMyGirls Mon 05-Oct-09 13:32:25

Why not say mum we really appreciate you having us to stay and making us feel so welcome, we'd like to do our bit by doing out the spare room while we're there as we know the time and money it takes and it would be our way of a thank you? At least then you know you can enjoy your 2 weeks there and every stay after this?

groundhogs Mon 05-Oct-09 13:35:39

Ohh do I ever sympathise with you... my old bed in DH country, was the pits, but what you describe tops even that!

Wondering to self... could you get some of those lovely inflatable mattresses, to take with??? If nothing else, it could serve as a way of bringing up the mattress issue with your parents.

How old is DS, if he's big enough, perhaps he could sleep on one of those blow up beds beside the bed???

Only other solution i can think of.. buy yourselves a new bed at home... and donate your current one to them? Then at least you know what you are sleeping on, heck if you get your skates on, you might even manage to solve the problem for this year....

Katisha Mon 05-Oct-09 13:40:32

I think you'll just have to bite the bullet and tell them. They probably have absolutely no idea.

claricebeansmum Mon 05-Oct-09 13:41:20

I sympathise. In laws have the incredible shrinking bed. When we were first married we thought is was a standard double but after 14 years we think it might be some sort of large single.

We have suggested a new bed but falls on deaf ears.

Firawla Mon 05-Oct-09 13:45:50

i would just tell them, im sure they dont realise & would like you to be comfy. they are your parents - cant you just be open with them?
offer to get them a new bed if you are able

TrillianSlasher Mon 05-Oct-09 13:48:42

A fortnight?! shock Why are you staying for a fortnight?

I don't think you can complain about a standard double, but you can complain about age and degradation making it not fit for human habitation.

AMumInScotland Mon 05-Oct-09 14:00:56

I think you have to find some way to say to them "Look, we love coming to stay, but we've noticed that bed's getting on a bit, and now that the DC get in with us we do find it a bit cramped. How about we sort out a new one since we're the ones being awkward here and you already do so much to help us be comfortable?"

MaMight Mon 05-Oct-09 14:03:04

Some good ideas and nifty ways of phrasing it here. Thanks all.

We're staying for a fortnight because we live 5000 miles away and see them once a year at best.

I'm sure all their other guests must find it dreadful too.

MaMight Mon 05-Oct-09 14:04:35

You know how some people have a knack of saying awkward things and causing no offence? I am not one of those people. I try and be sensitive and low key and pleasant and come off aggressive and whiney.

Waswondering Mon 05-Oct-09 14:11:27

I would tell them and be totally honest with them - we did this to my parents a few years ago and they were horrified that we never slept well - as a result replaced their guest bed (which they never slept in) so their visitors are much more comfortable.

I would do it on the phone at least - in writing might come over "funny" and then you've got a lovely warm, reassuring voice to let your mum know that you are looking forward to the stay but that the bed is important too. Just take a deep breath and start off by how much you're looking forward to it/revisiting xyz/can't wait to see Great Aunt Mildred/will be brilliant to be under their roof/grandson sooo excited etc and then just say it!

Good luck!

MyNameIsInigoMontoya Mon 05-Oct-09 16:57:39

Or another possible option: have you seen Aerobeds before? - they are like a v. posh airbed but they blow themselves up (well, you plug it in), and you can get ones that are the same height as a normal bed and I think you can even get kingsize ones, though not 100% sure.

So - you could try the tactic of "what a shame they can't use the spare room for other things whenever they don't have visitors, and wouldn't it be a good idea to replace the bed with one of these instead so they can let it down and have more space when you're not there - and maybe you could buy them one as a present"?

It's either that or bite the bullet and be honest but as nicely as you can... but I know what you mean, I would find it hard too!

littlestarschildminding Mon 05-Oct-09 18:02:14

I would just tell them....

We had the same issue with the gparents in law who live in France. The bed was SO uncomfortable we used to end up sleeping on the sofa cushions on the floor blush we put up with this for years (aswell as everyone else who went to stay) Last time we were there I got a really bad back and my husband tactfully suggested that could we buy a new bed as I wasn't going to survive on the floor for the next 2 weeks! The were absolutly mortified that no one had told them about the bed in all those years and we all got the biggest telling off!! 2 days later a brand shiny new bed turned up and everyone was happy.

letsblowthistacostand Mon 05-Oct-09 19:54:47

Oof, am going to be spending almost a month at my mum's over xmas (moving country, can't camp out with no furniture and 2 dds) and the bed choices at hers are: 1)double futon, about 10yrs old; 2)single bed with trundle that can be turned into world's most uncomfortable king size, probably 20 yrs old; 3)single 5 yo mattress; 4)camp bed. Luckily the girls and I will be there before anyone else for xmas so we'll be able to snag the futon and one of the singles.

The worst was a pull-out couch she had from my grandmother ca 1950. Mattress not replaced in all that time, springs and folding mechanism completely exposed, huge gaps between mattress and bed... My brothers and I clubbed together and insisted they get rid.

daisy71 Mon 05-Oct-09 21:10:03

How old is your DS? I only ask because if you are really worried about offending them, you could pretend that he had had an 'accident' on the bed and you were so sorry that you had gone out right away and bought a new one. That way, you'd have to endure only one night of misery. You could even have the bed on order.

6feetundertheGroundhogs Mon 05-Oct-09 21:13:25

Daisy71, that's inspired!! Evil and cunning, but that could just work!!!

LauraIngallsWilder Mon 05-Oct-09 21:13:31

I have this problem too mamight
Good idea about buying a new mattress -if that would solve the problem.......

The bed I sleep on at my parents house is also hideous is only 3ft wide and very bouncy

Sympathies

carocaro Mon 05-Oct-09 21:17:20

aerobed?

2rebecca Mon 05-Oct-09 22:21:38

I'd tell them. "mum I'll stay with you if you get a new mattress, that old one is really uncomfortable, otherwise we'll stay at a B&B"

picmaestress Mon 05-Oct-09 22:31:14

Just say you've got a bad back and are worried about aggravating it, and offer to replace it. They won't sleep in it so will have no idea.

Muser Mon 05-Oct-09 22:38:58

Ooh, sympathies. I agree with the just be upfront thing. Don't do what I did at in-laws uncomfy sofa bed. I was exhausted after working really hard and then going to theirs for a 'holiday' where we once again got the shitty sofa bed that sagged, poked you and threw you together in the middle, and I just couldn't sleep in it. I sobbed all night long and I think ended up sleeping on the floor in despair.

DH had to have a quiet word with parents as I was in such a state and I think they produced a spare mattress from somewhere the next day that we slept on instead. They now have a new sofa bed. Not my finest hour. But it was SO uncomfy and I was overcome with sulkiness!

CarGirl Mon 05-Oct-09 22:43:29

How about offer to buy a new guest bed as a thank you gift to go with their newly done up house, go for a 5' one if the room can take it? Divan ones don't take up too much more room than a 4'6" one that has a frame IYSWIM.

Pannacotta Mon 05-Oct-09 22:56:19

We had this problem at my Mothers, she had a large single which was really soft and no way could me, DH and DS1 fit in it.

We went halves with her on a new, larger guest bed and now we can stay at her house in relative comfort.

EightiesChick Mon 05-Oct-09 23:02:09

You can't spend a fortnight in a really awful bed. Go the route of buying it for them, then just tell them when it'll be turning up that you've bought them a new one because you so appreciate everything else they do when hosting. Also throw in the bad back thing and say your doctor has told you to make sure you sleep on a good mattress. They may be temporarily miffed but they will get over it, especially if they see you so rarely, and you'll be much better off.

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