to not want to spend more money on ff-ing flowers than on our wedding rings?

[WidowWadman]

The story in short is, that we're getting married abroad, in my home town. My sister kindly took over organising a lot of things for us, which we're eternally grateful for, but she now turned into bridezilla by proxy, and chucking my money out of the window for it.

She went to order flowers, my bouquet and some flower decoration for the car I'll be in. My brother in law is going to drive me, to, ironically, save money as we dont have to hire a fancy car for that. She ordered flower decorations for this car (a usual thing to do in Germany) to the tune of 300 Euro! FFS.

When I queried this, and also asked her for a list of total costs accrued so far (everything was based on trust, I told her several times what my total budget is), I get the reply

"Weddings do cost money, that's a fact, get over it.".

I really don't want to fall out on her, and not on my wedding, but, oh, I could scream.

I've talked to my mum in the mean time who is on my side, but told me also to calm down and not to worry, as she plans to take over some of the costs. Which is very kind. But it's not the point. I just think it's ridiculous to buy flowers for a flipping car, which cost more than e.g. both wedding rings together, or more than my outfit.

Fucking Flowers.

FFS.

[AngelaCarleen]

Would your sister be really angry if you told her you don't want to have flowers in the car? It's your wedding, if you don't want them you shouldn't have to have them. YANBU.

[BouncingTurtle]

It does sound like she is going over the top!
I am on your behalf that she is ignoring your budget constraints. Weddings don't have to cost huge amounts of money!!

[WidowWadman]

I did try to tell her that and she got really annoyed with me. She also ordered really expensive elaborate buttonholes for a tenner a pop which I made her cancel, and we'll make them ourselves instead. She was quite grumbly about this already.

Originally she was opposed the idea of buttonholes anyway, especially as she found it stupid to use real flowers for it. And then she ordered something which apparently is more something like a mini bouquet.

Whenever I criticise something she thinks it's my partner's idea and tells me to tell him blablabla. I get really annoyed by this too.

It's ridiculous, it is my wedding but she acts as if it was hers.

I love my sister, and I'm scared this is going to explode into a really bad row, but I can't just take it.

[mamas12]

Why don't you try the track of Well sis as my budget has been reached I can only assume that you are paying for the rest Thank you!

[famishedass]

I would simply organise the wedding myself even if it is in a different country.

[Firawla]

i think maybe you should try to downgrade her organisational role a bit if possible? seems like her doing this for you may be causing more stress than if you did it all yourself?

[Carrotfly]

You cant spend more on flowers than you do on your rings. Thats just madness.

She needs to understand how much the budget is.

Hmmm.... I think this is going to be tricky

[WidowWadman]

As for downgrading her involvement, she's just refusing to step down. Originally we only asked her to act on our behalf getting the paperwork to the registry. She just threw herself into organising the rest, but we did not really get much say. It's madness!

I just don't know what to do, as I don't want to appear to be an ungrateful cow and I don't want my wedding be overshadowed by falling out with her.

She's over a decade older than me, and it almost feels like I'm a kid who's just to do what she's told to.

[Pyrocanthus]

YANBU. One of the best weddings I ever went to was a sort of 'let's put on a show' affair at a National Trust property, where several of the guests provided something for the wedding as their present (the happy couple were well-established in their home already). We supplied the flowers and DH arranged them very beautifully. Another guest brought the champagne in cool boxes.

Completely irrelevant. You're quite right about the flowers to rings ratio.

[NestaFiesta]

When we found out that table flowers were going to cost £375 for our wedding, we decided to have red foil heart shaped helium balloons on every table instead and it only cost £60 inc the helium.

Probably not releavnt to your problem, but I agree that you are right to be creative with your budgeting solutions. Your sister means well but has got bride fever! YANBU.

[blueshoes]

It is so much more difficult to organise a wedding on a sensible budget than to organise a no-expenses-spared wedding.

Your sister sounds like she has gone off on a frolic of her own.

Who is putting down the deposits for these extravaganzas? Surely you need to approve a contract before money changes hands? Otherwise you sister is the contractual party and she will be left carrying the baby if you don't reimburse her. But it should not get to that stage

Can you bring anyone onside, like your parents, to reason with her?

Having said that, flowers cost a lot - one of the bigger items on my wedding budget. But 300 euros just for flowers for the car is taking the piss.

[blueshoes]

Is your sister married and what was her wedding like?

[GooseyLoosey]

I think you need to intervene and cancel things that you are not obliged to go through with. What on earth is the point of spending all that money if you will just resent it.

Can you tell SIL that in an effort to control the budget you have decided to do without x, y and x?

[diddl]

You´re going to have to put a stop to it.

Is she unmarried or didn´t get the wedding she wanted & is trying to arrange what she would like?

Re flowers, if you´re having a bouquet, can you put that in the back window of the car?
(Isn´t that usually all there is?)

Or, have an open top car?

Which we did, & just had ribbons on the handles.