to have turned into suspicious, emotional & needy person now that i am pregnant?

[wethree]

my one saving grace here is that i think i can see that i AM being unreasonable.. but i just don't have anyone else i can say all this stuff to:

i'm 5 months pregnant and we already have a 3 year old DS. my issues are with my husband .. well more how i feel about 'us'..

1. he has made it clear (not in a horrible way) that i am not as attractive now as when i'm not pregnant..he's just not as tactile and we haven't really had sex for weeks. he hasn't really done anything per se.. its what he hasn't done. if htat makes sense! it just makes me really sad and embarrased about him seeing me at all, let alone seeing me undressed.
   
   
2. i keep having these horrendous, really vivid dreams but one in particular was that he was seeing (just for sex) a woman at work. this is a totally base-less suspicion (as far as i know). i have no rashional reason to think it true but since the dream, i am obsessed tha it might be.. i even snooped through his phone earlier to see if there was anything incriminating... of course, there wasn't.. but it still niggles..
   
   i suppose, if i had to sum it up... i just feel a bit unspecial and unattractive and as if i'm not really someone he'd want to stay around for.
   
   
3. everything makes me cry at the moment.. WTF?!! this did not happen with DS. as i type, i am sobbing over the computer.. what is the matter with me?
   
   if i didn't know better, i woudl say that i am depressed... what is the matter with me? why have i become this miserable, neurotic person?
   
   i'm desperately trying to hide it from my husband. i haven't told him any of this or how i feel incase it would give him 'another' reason not to want to be with me or to stay with me and our DS and the baby when it comes. i am actually 'afraid' that he might catch me in tears again.
   
   i should probably add that he has an ex wife and there was an affair that ended it. but we have been together for nearly 10 years and married for 4. i don't understand where all this insecurity and horrible emotional messiness is coming from. he's a brilliant father to DS and his two older children and i think he's a good husband so why am i feeling so negative and looking for signs that he doesnt want me anymore?
   
   can anyone relate to these kinds of feelings? how do i get them to go away?!!!

[BouncingTurtle]

I didn't want to see your post ignored.

Have you talked to anyone in RL about this? Yes you are probably very hormonal, but that doesn't mean to say that your feelings should be dismissed.

Some pregnant women do suffer from antenatal depression, and I wonder if this might the case here - you really do need to talk to your Midwife about how you are feeling and it maybe you could get some help with this.

[wethree]

thanks. sorry, what is RL?

i might mention it to my midwife. i just feel a litte embarrassed.

thanks for taking the time to reply.

[slushy06]

I did this on dd but not on ds I assumed it was because she was a girl. I found that everytime I was alone I would get depressed and have to call someone over eventually I told my dp and my mum and they rallied around always ready for my call if I needed company but that is all I can really advise. Mine was more a feeling of being useless and a burden I see now it was silly and I knew then and was to embarrassed to speak out.

Find someone to talk to as you should not be going through this alone they will not laugh they will understand and it really helps to talk about it.I hope you feel better soon

[HeadInAWhirl]

WeThree, RL is real life!

Definitely mention how you are feeling to your midwife, my hormones are all over the place and I'm quite tearful, much more so than in my previous PGs but I've been blaming it on being tired due to DD not being a great sleeper.

AND is a real possibility and him making you feel unattractive can't help you even if you weren't full of hormones, I think it is worth trying to talk to him as bottling things up can't be good either.

Well done for coming on here to get stuff off your chest

[NestaFiesta]

Poor you. I am 7 months pregnant and waddling and don't feel like much of a "catch" for my husband. It doesn't help that he has a demanding job and is tired and distracted when he gets home. I also have a 3 yr old DS.

Sometimes all a man needs to do is cuddle you, say "it must be awful for you" (empathy) and make you a cup of tea. Instead they try and give you solutions or get all baffled. In my experience it makes me worse. Last week I cried every day for five days until my husband latched on to the fact I needed some face to face one on one attention and sympathy and finally gave it to me. Sometimes you have to spell it out to them.

You are normal and hormonal and your husband sounds like a good one to me. xxxx

[Stigaloid]

Aww bless - am 7 months pregnant - have same dreams, feel just as unattractive and also irrationally angry with DH. You are not alone. It will pass. It is hard when you are a tired mummy and creating new life. Big hugs x

[wethree]

thanks everyone. i feel so much better already just knowing that i'm not a total weirdo and that other people feel a bit low too.

i can especially relate to NestaFiesta's post, so thank you!

i don't wnat to be one of those wives that has to tell her husband when she needs his time and attention and wehn she needs a cuddle and some empathy..

i wish he could just realise it on his own i feel a bit pathetic if i have to ASK him to notice that i need him

[NestaFiesta]

Oh wethree- that's exactly what I had to do to my poor bewildered DH. Five days of being annoyed with him and feeling neglected and like he didn't care etc. When I told him what I wanted and why, he was on solid ground again and we are good now. You are not pathetic lovely, just a weepy pregnant woman who's feeling a bit vulnerable. Don't put yourself down. xxx

PS He won't notice it on his own, no matter how lovely he is! x

[AliGrylls]

I remember exploding at DH frequently when I was pregnant. And crying a lot over ridiculous things - in fact, when pregnant I cried when I was happy, sad or if I was frustrated at not being able to do something.

I actually don't think that men are capable of understanding what it is like to be pregnant as it is just so overwhelming at times (it's not just the hormones either). I think as a result of this they can be a bit tactless at times. They don't mean it - they need to be told though.

Although it is a good idea to wait until you are feeling a bit stronger otherwise you just end up crying and possibly making him miserable too (at least that is what I found).

I hope you start to feel happier soon.

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

This sounds like me, happened first time I was pregnant and I'm a little like it again now. I'm also suspicious of everyone else and feel like everyone is against me.

It's hormones. Just keep thinking that you have to go through all this for your beautiful baby.

I'm here if you need to talk as we are in the same boat.

[wethree]

you're all right - i can't expect DH to understand or be sympathetic when he can have no idea what its like to feel this way.

i've been expecting him to 'just know' why and wehn i feel down, and then felt rejected when he didn't support me.

i think i've been too caught up in trying to be a 'good wife' and i think as most of you have suggested, i just need to spell it out to him: and tell him if need some support/affection etc...

you've all helped so much - just reading that others have felt a bit like this has made me feel a lot more positive, so thank you!

[losingtheplotthisweek]

Wethree, just some further reassurance. I felt like this throughout pregnancies with my DD's (but not with my DS, wonder why??). Almost hours after giving birth I felt like myself again.

I found it definitely helped to chat to my sister or mum, but if no RL female company available then mumsnetters are always here x

[SardineQueen]

I really struggled with my second pregnancy, then someone told me about ante natal depression which apparently is very common but hardly anyone knows about it

I don't know if things are this bad for you or if it's just a blip, but it helped me to know that emtional problems can and do happen during pregnancy, and are very common.

I suggest talking to your midwife and seeing what she says. If you do feel that you would like some more help - press the point if needs be - as help is available - someone to talk to etc. Just HCPs don't seem so hot on it as post-natal problems.

I recovered totally - mood etc - as soon as i gave birth, if that is reassuring as well

[CrankOfTheScrew]

Aaw, I cry about 40 times a day! I am crying right now!
I have kinky dreams about ugly people I know.
I have awful dreams about bad things happening to my children.

I think it's normal.

You can get A/N depression. Speak to your husband,then your MW.

I hope it gets better.

[wethree]

had no idea (before posts above) that you could get ANTE natal depression. so much time is devoted to possible POST natal problems (as well it should be) but i hadn't realised it was possible during pregnancy.

just writing it down and having people acknowlege that its not totally freakish to be feeling like this, has been really helpful for me. thank you

i hope htat others that are feeling like this too, feel better soon.

at least it seems like there is an end point to it so i can focus on that!

[SardineQueen]

Do talk to your midwife if it starts to get unmanageable though - and talk to your DH as well. You don't need to go into your suspicions as I'm sure they are just your brain being random and would upset him - but I think you should tell him that you are having difficult thoughts, dreams etc and finding it hard. That way he will be able to support you, will understand if you suddenly burst into tears or whatever, and will generally be aware.

I hope you feel better soon