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to be extremely surprised and yes, annoyed, at this school gate conversation I had today?

(93 Posts)
moodlumthehoodlum Fri 02-Oct-09 21:36:34

Father of child in ds' reception year. Not a friend of ds, don't know the father's name, just don't know them..

Asks me if I would help out with picking his dd up from school (sometimes they have half days) and 'having her until the evening' as he finds it difficult to change his work patterns, and his wife doesn't drive.

He doesn't know my name. He doesn't know where we live. Our children aren't remotely friends, and yet he is perfectly happy to ask me to pick his dd up and look after her for hours?

This is surely weird on several counts..

1. That he is prepared to let a complete stranger look after his dd

2. That he didn't really give me much choice in the matter, because he'd heard that I was "always around" ie I don't appear to work

I completely get the whole swapping of childcare at the school gate, and amongst dd's friends' mothers we have arrangements that of course if someone is working or late or whatever we'll all pitch in and help out. But this, from a stranger, albeit with a child in ds' year, is completely bonkers, and a bit weird. I'm happy to help, but seriously I think this is extremely cheeky..

Or, aibu? MN, its over to you..

tadjennyp Fri 02-Oct-09 21:39:21

That is really strange. So his wife doesn't drive, can't she walk either? YANBU

beaniesinthebucketagain Fri 02-Oct-09 21:39:34


never mind being cheeky (your always around, nice)
But a bit worrying how trusting he is, however i wont judge as there are a few people in the world who are still oblivious to the cruel place it is.

3littlefrogs Fri 02-Oct-09 21:39:42

Is he very stressed/desperate? Or do you think he is just being cheeky?

hester Fri 02-Oct-09 21:40:55

Blimey, some people's sense of entitlement is as high as a house, isn't it? grin It's more than cheeky, it's downright bizarre. You can only feel sorry for him, being so out of touch with normal social parameters...

What did you say?

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 02-Oct-09 21:42:06

I know shock. Extraordinary. I'm getting all cross all over again about it.

WhereYouLeftIt Fri 02-Oct-09 21:42:30

YANBU. My jaw would have visibly dropped had I been approached thus. Fascinated to know how you responded!

valhala Fri 02-Oct-09 21:43:12


You could always tell him that it ok providing that it doesn't affect your curfew, and that Thursday afternoons are completely out, as thats when you see your Probation Officer!

cornsilk Fri 02-Oct-09 21:43:24

What did you say?

twirlymum Fri 02-Oct-09 21:43:38

How odd!
I find it worrying that he would leave his son in the care of someone he doesn't know. No offence to you!

HKT Fri 02-Oct-09 21:44:05

YANBU - I'd be a bit wary if you don't know them well. A friend did this, but soon after was (unsuccesfully I might add) acused of abusing the little boy - in the end it turned out that the father had a history of doing this. I know that's way, way OTT, but I would be cautious, and maybe tell him you are unable to help him, but give him a list of childminders?

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 02-Oct-09 21:44:46

I didn't get the impression he was particularly stressed. More irritated that he'd obviously had to take a day off to collect his dd today, which was a half day.

That's exactly what it is, its a sense of entitlement

I was so shock I sort of nodded my head and didn't really know what to do. So I'm probably on the childcare list now.

Curiousmama Fri 02-Oct-09 21:44:56

I thought it was illegal anyway now?

theslightlypeckishcaterpillar Fri 02-Oct-09 21:46:18

YANBU. This is very wierd. Does his wife know?

Did he offer any payment? Presumably you'll have to feed their dd too?

And this isn't exactly 'swapping' childcare as (I imagine) he won't be looking after your ds.

I would say no if I were you. TBH, he sounds like a bit of a nightmare. His wife will just have to get a bus/taxi/walk to school.

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 02-Oct-09 21:46:52

LOL Valhala.

I then asked DS if he played with this girl, and he looked at me as if I was mad, and went erm no, so its not as if I've missed some wonderful friendship blossoming here..

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Fri 02-Oct-09 21:47:03

shock<- this would have been me.

What a cheeky sod. Did you say yes? I probably would have out of sheer shock!

Poor kid though, being farmed out to people she doesn't know! What if her and your dc hated each other?!

traceybath Fri 02-Oct-09 21:47:52

I would probably have been too shocked to say anything but would definitely not do this.

Always annoys me that if you're a SAHM its assumed you can pick up childcare for other people. Its fine to offer to help but extremely annoying for him to assume 'as you're always around' that you'd help.

So I'd say its not possible as you're too busy and especially in light of the fact that you're not a qualified childminder and don't want to risk getting into trouble. Surely he's heard about the case of the 2 police officers and their reciprocal childcare arrangements and how they're not allowed to do that anymore.

Just can't believe the cheek.

dilemma456 Fri 02-Oct-09 21:49:22

Message withdrawn

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 02-Oct-09 21:50:34

It is really strange isn't it. Now I reflect on it more, I am quite cross. Especially with the use of the word 'evening' as pick up time. I'm not a fecking childminder. And, he's a brain surgeon so its not as if they can't afford a taxi..

valhala Fri 02-Oct-09 21:50:39

What Moodlum?

<Acts innocent and starts whistling>

alwayslookingforanswers Fri 02-Oct-09 21:51:57


Although I have to say I was rather blush on Monday when I had to call the friend who was looking after DS3 from 9am-3pm to ask her where she lived as I had to come back into town early so could pick him up.

Jackin Fri 02-Oct-09 21:51:57

Very strange maybe he's just a nob.

Heated Fri 02-Oct-09 21:52:51

In case he approaches you again, handily have in your pocket the names and phone numbers of some local childminders.

Ponders Fri 02-Oct-09 21:53:09

what, he's really a brain surgeon??

As in "it's not f*cking brain surgery"???

Now it all makes sense...

TheCrackFox Fri 02-Oct-09 21:54:46


Next time you see him tell him that on second thoughts you are too busy. What a flaming cheek.

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