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to be fed up of DH's lunchtime expectations?

(33 Posts)
PfftTheMagicDragon Fri 02-Oct-09 14:19:44

OK, first AIBU post, won't ask you to be gentle, I know better than that wink

We recently moved house and live a 15 minute drive from DH's work. Since we moved he has been coming home for lunch. Sometimes if I am making food I make him lunch, sometimes he makes it himself. He doesn't seem to mind.

The issue is that he seems to expect some sort of Stepford perfect home life during lunch time. He gets annoyed at me should I argue with him or cause any unrest. Today, we were discussing what shelves to put up in an alcove and I disagreed with him, he got all stroppy. Just before he was due to go back to work, I asked him if he was annoyed with me and he threw the oft-used (for the last few weeks at least) line of "I come home to spend time with you and you start having a go at me". Sometimes it's "I won't come home any more if it's going to be like this". I should point out that it was a vague disagreement on what type of shelves to use, not a tirade about his personality....

I said that I was getting a bit sick of these ridiculous expectations he seems to have of me producing some sort of serene haven for him to rest in at lunch and he wasn't doing me a favour by coming home. He walked out halfway through what I was saying.

I do plan to tell him not to bother coming home any more, it's rather grating watching what I say in case I annoy His Highness.

AIBU? I know this is a rather pathetic problem, writing it down makes it all seem so fucking petty......

BLEEPyouYOUbleepingBLEEP Fri 02-Oct-09 14:31:28

Naaa YANBU, he sounds like he's acting like children do when they get home from school tired and want to switch off. Tell him to go and eat his sarnies in the car on your drive with the radio on so he can have a rest without the strop, you can give him a wave out of the window if he's feeling lonely smile

PfftTheMagicDragon Fri 02-Oct-09 14:33:15

Arf at the thought of waving to him whilst he listens to the cricket on the radio. Maybe I could move him in there permanently? grin

BLEEPyouYOUbleepingBLEEP Fri 02-Oct-09 14:39:29

Hey - if you don't ask, you don't get grin actually, my DH loves spending time on his car......I'll go and get him a duvet lol

Flyonthewindscreen Fri 02-Oct-09 14:40:38

YANBU - it would really annoy me if DH started comng home for lunch expecting Stepford wifedom - also he would actually catch me on MN with a coffee smile

DaisymooSteiner Fri 02-Oct-09 14:41:51

It's a bit weird to drive 15 minutes each way to come home for lunch, surely? Why does he do it?

StealthPolarBear Fri 02-Oct-09 14:42:32

yanbu but "I do plan to tell him not to bother coming home any more" careful how you put that- I had to read it twice!

squeaver Fri 02-Oct-09 14:43:11


When my Dad retired, my mum said to him "I want to make this perfectly clear, I don't do lunch". She's convinced this is the only reason they've stayed married to each other in the 20 years since.

Ivykaty44 Fri 02-Oct-09 14:43:58


Just go out or garden at lunch time and leave him in peace smile

To be honest I thought you were going to say he wanted nuptuals every lunch time grin and you could get in the mood or sumat....

WhereYouLeftIt Fri 02-Oct-09 14:47:59

Sounds like low blood sugar to me ...

But, as DaisymooSteiner asked, why does he come home? He's wasting half of his lunch hour driving home and back again. What did he do before you moved, take a packed lunch or buy something there? Why has moving house changed his normal behaviour?

mcfly79 Fri 02-Oct-09 14:48:28

YANBU at all!! but just for a laugh dress up and act like a stepford,freak him right out.(actually maybe not,he might like it!!!!)

Before I had DD,DH used to come home on his break for dinner at 7.30,he went back to work when she was 2 weeks old and the first night,actually passed comment that he was going to be late back to work as I did'nt have dinner ready until 7.40,needless to say he now takes sandwiches which I refuse to make for him!(apologies for hijack)

Jamieandhismagictorch Fri 02-Oct-09 15:05:28

Yes, I thought it was about sex too. Maybe you should greet him, Stepford-style, in a see-through babydoll nightie and some fluffy mules

Sorry, sorry, get back on topic, YANBU. I think I'd be a bit irritated

PfftTheMagicDragon Fri 02-Oct-09 15:47:24

There are some marvellous replies on here grin

Before we move he took a packed lunch, he could do that now but TBH I think he is bored at work and wants a change of scenery. Maybe I should put posters up in his car grin

squeaver, that is wonderful, I might steal it! I do resent the implication of me being expected to cook and enteratain at 3 meals a day. To be fair, he doesn't expect me ot make his lunch, but still!

shock at mcfly!

Stealth, you are right, I should think carefully. He is my Dh after all and I don't want to upset him, but he lying, he does not come home to see me, I daresay he thinks not a jot of me when he is at work, he comes home because he is bored. I do resent the implication that he is doing me a favour by coming home and I should be grateful hmm

PfftTheMagicDragon Fri 02-Oct-09 15:49:45

I feel a bit dizzy at the thought of being expected to perform for him every lunchtime grin

PfftTheMagicDragon Fri 02-Oct-09 15:50:22

Maybe I should demand he eats a banana before he comes home

(for the blood sugar suggestion)

Jamieandhismagictorch Fri 02-Oct-09 15:51:41

perhaps he thinks you are shagging the window cleaner and is checking up on you ? grin

GirlsAreLOud Fri 02-Oct-09 15:52:54

My DH was a bit like this when he first started coming home for lunch.

DD was newborn at the time but DH seemed to assume that if he came home in his lunchbreak he could just sit there and relax as he was 'on lunch' and didn't have to muck in with anything going on the house.

I eventually beat that out of him grin

Tell your DH to stay at work for lunch if he doesn't like the way things are at home!

PfftTheMagicDragon Fri 02-Oct-09 15:56:00

Jamie, then his stealth skills need some work grin I might have worked out by now to tell the window cleaner to come after 2pm grin

Maybe I'' just start saving some horrible task for him so he will stop by himself, nappies, or toilet cleaning grin

lynniep Fri 02-Oct-09 16:05:20

YANBU! DH comes home now and again but with clear guidelines i.e. he sorts out his own lunch unless I happen to be making some in which case I'll do something for him too. I cant necessarily make much in the way of conversation as I work from home and I dont get a lunchbreak as I'll have just got DS off to nursery and have to get a certain amount of hours in. Telling me 'hes boooorrred' does not wash if I have a shedload of work to get on with.

I also dont expect TV on full blast if I'm working - he can go upstairs and watch the little TV unless I'm not having to concentrate too much in which case I dont mind and I'll say so. He didnt like this at first, but I cannot work with flipping 'everybody loves raymond' on in the background...downstairs is my office during the afternoon and thats just the way it is...

groundhogs Fri 02-Oct-09 17:12:20

Hmm, nothing worse than menfolk coming home at lunchtime....

Mums DH is sometimes irritatingly dictatorial, with a shitey tone on top... I'd have just hurled a knife...

If I had to put up with that, I'd find myself a lunchtime appointment... every day.

Podrick Fri 02-Oct-09 17:20:29

Are you a SAHM?

If so do you think the dynamics would change if you were both working?

opinionatedmother Fri 02-Oct-09 17:28:10

Yanbu - though i too go home for lunch i take an extra long lunch so that i have enough time, and it is to see my kids. so i am sometimes stroppy in lunchtime, but its cos it tiring...but i don't ask other people to make it more pleasant for me, that's where he's being unreasonable.

PfftTheMagicDragon Fri 02-Oct-09 19:18:32

Podrick, how do you mean? Do you mean that I wouldn't feel I was expected to entertain him if I was working and coming home at lunch, or would I come home at lunch as well? Ot that maybe he wouldn't feel that I should be making his life easier if we were both out earning?

I do think I am guilty of putting emotions and intentions his way that perhaps he didn't intend, but I did talk to him today and said that I was happy to have him at lunch but he needs to realise that it is simply normal family life when he is here, not some sort of peaceful spa retreat, and if he was going to be grumpy he could eat a banana before he got home!

I think we are just having trouble communicating at the moment (stressful time) - see, AIBU is always part of something bigger!

It's always good to know you are not being an unreasonable hag though grin

RubysReturn Fri 02-Oct-09 19:21:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinknosedevereux Fri 02-Oct-09 19:27:30

My dh used to come home for lunch it's awful. Only thing to do is go out yourself at lunch time go do the shopping or walk the dog.

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