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to have cancelled DD2's birthday trip to legoland

(110 Posts)
SparklyGothKat Fri 02-Oct-09 07:18:36

It DD2's 8th birthday on saturday we were supposed to go to Legoland.

Last sat. we went to the shopping centre while waiting for DS1 to come out of the cinema, she spotted a necklace in Claires which was about £5. I said I would come back in the week and get it for her birthday, at which she started screaming and stormed off. I left her to it and took a slow walk ahead saying if she didn't come back to me and stop screaming she would lose her legoland trip. She carried on, and refused to come walk with us, and carried on sulking and screaming in a shop doorway. DH went over and picked her up and we went and sat in the car until it was time to pick up DS1. I told her that because of that behaviour she has defo lost her birthday trip.

She keeps saying she is sorry now and really wants to go, but I refuse to take her to a place that costs lots and then her do the same when we are there, because I can't buy her something. We have had this problem for a while and its draining me tbh

so AIBU??

diddl Fri 02-Oct-09 07:22:14

I wouldn´t take her, tbh.

I think you gave warning and she carried on.
You have to carry your threat through otherwise she´ll keep treating you like sh!t, IMO.

Will your son be disappointed?

SoupDragon Fri 02-Oct-09 07:22:25

No, YANBU. I did the same to both DS1 and 2 (10 & 8) last year (rock climbing though, not legoland) because their general behaviour had been appalling and they didn't deserve a treat.

We did something, just us, to mark the occasion and obviously they still got all their presents etc.

SparklyGothKat Fri 02-Oct-09 07:24:25

The others aren't worried tbh, they know its down to DD2's behaviour.

I know I have to stay strong and not give in, but its so hard

girlsyearapart Fri 02-Oct-09 07:25:45

Think yanbu as if you 'threaten' something then you have to follow it up.

A friend recently cancelled her dds birthday party which was at a recording studio.

That was due to similar bratty I WANT behaviour.

She made her dd 'earn' back the party and eventually had it 2 weeks late.

Maybe you could do same?

Legoland is v expensive we were going to go for dd1's 2nd b day (mega Bob the B fan) but will wait due to cost.

belgo Fri 02-Oct-09 07:27:03

No YANBU. If this has been going on for a while and you cannot trust her behaviour when you are out, then no I wouldn't take her.

But I would give her the chance to go on the trip again - tell her if she is well behaved no tantrums or whatever for a whole month, then you will rearrange the trip.

SparklyGothKat Fri 02-Oct-09 07:28:35

we are 'lucky' that DS1 and DD1 are disabled so we get 2 carers in free at Legoland but it was still going to cost £60 just to get in. I just have had enough of her behaviour.

SparklyGothKat Fri 02-Oct-09 07:29:30

we have said that if she can behave she can have the trip but not on her birthday.

HappyInTheCity Fri 02-Oct-09 07:30:01

if you back down now, she will know all she has to do is scream and carry on, then apologise and all will be well. You have said it, now you must follow through. Legoland shuts soon I imagine until next year. That gives her enough time to earn the trip back..Good luck.

diddl Fri 02-Oct-09 07:31:16

Well, I must be a b!cth as I´m not sure I´d bother to think about arranging it another time.
She´s still then getting what she wants just by behaving for a limited time.

If the tripmeant that much to her she would have done as she was told straightaway.

Save your money or book a babysitter & have a meal out with your husband!

bradsmissus Fri 02-Oct-09 07:32:52

YANBU and I agree with belgo about giving her the chance to earn it back. Without trying to sound too poncey, I think it is important that, as well as unserstanding the consequences of their actions, it is good for them to learn about making amends and changing their behaviour for a positive outcome.

What she will then remember is that "good" behaviour leads to a good outcome instead of focusing on "I didn't go to LL because I behaved badly."

MmeGoblindt Fri 02-Oct-09 07:36:37

I am going to go against the other opinions and say that YABU.

Cancelling a birthday trip is not proportionate to the bad behaviour. When I started reading I thought that she had stolen the necklace.

Her behaviour is absolutely unacceptable, but cancelling a birthday trip is a bit OTT as a punishment.

Saying that, you do have to carry it through now.

"Earning" the trip back is a good idea.

Are the tantrums often about money?

belgo Fri 02-Oct-09 07:36:48

we have the same idea Girlsayearapart, so it must be a good onesmile

girlsyearapart Fri 02-Oct-09 07:42:28

great minds think alike belgo!

( are you called belgo cos you live in Belgium??)

belgo Fri 02-Oct-09 07:44:56

yesgrin

Tombliboobs Fri 02-Oct-09 07:54:54

I am with MmeGoblindt, I really don't agree with taking birthday treats away. If it had happened a week after her birthday, then you would have had to have found a different punishment. Birthdays happen once a year, so it is not even a consistent punishment, yet it is the sort of punishment she will remember all year.

I love birthdays and I think they should be seen a special day, not linked to the rest of the year and I wouldn't want my DC's memory of her 8th birthday to be about having missed a trip because of a misdemeanour, which otherwise would have been forgotten about.

girlsyearapart Fri 02-Oct-09 08:05:21

Belgo - lived there ten years in Linkebeek went to school in Uccle.

Op sorry to hijack still think yanbu!

belgo Fri 02-Oct-09 08:12:03

I'm in Leuvensmile.

I also wouldn't usually agree with taking birthday treats away, but if her behaviour has been like this for a while, and if SGC is worried that she will be badly behaved at Legoland, then I think SGC is doing the right thing taking the birthday treat away.

But I think it is still a very good idea to give her the chance to earn the birthday treat back again.

scattykatty Fri 02-Oct-09 08:18:12

If she is due to take friends, ie this is her birthday party then I deffo would stop it as it's really not fair on her friends and their parents who may have made other pland due to the trip.

However if it is her family birthday trip it's a bit different, but if she were mine I would give her a firm talking to but still probably take her. She will be very hurt and angry if you don't and it will ruin her birthday. You've made your point, she doesn't think she'll go, but then be the bigger person and show some clemency wink

SparklyGothKat Fri 02-Oct-09 08:20:22

her behaviour has been like this for a while, its not always about money, she has tantrums over anything. We are always rushing to school because she decided to start just as we are leaving for school. SHe will behave like this at LL, if we can't buy her something or she doesn't get to go on the ride she wants straight away. We have said she can earn it back if she behave, but so far she hasn't proved she can behave, just last night she refused to get ready for bed and had to taken upstairs by myself.

SparklyGothKat Fri 02-Oct-09 08:21:46

BTW we have said we take the kids to the farm that we have annual passes for.

belgo Fri 02-Oct-09 08:23:49

I think you are right SGK, you are teaching her that their are consequences to her behaviour and giving her a chance to improve her behaviour.

Without sounding like an amateur shrink, do you think there is an underlying cause to her behaviour? Tiredness? Stress at school?

SparklyGothKat Fri 02-Oct-09 08:25:54

I know she has issues with her siblings disablities and resents the fact they get time off school for appointments, it may be attention seeking, I am not sure

SparklyGothKat Fri 02-Oct-09 08:29:48

has to go on schoolrun now and out this morning, but thanks for your replies

123andaway Fri 02-Oct-09 08:34:14

I think the punishment is dis-proportionate. I would probably have punished something like this with early bed/loss of pocket money. That said you are her parent, and if you need to make a stand over behavioural issues then I should imagine this would certinally have an impact.

I agree with what others have said, that if you make a threat you need to carry it through.

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