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To be pissed off at the fuss brother in law and life are making for their kid's 1st birthday?

(315 Posts)
Jude68 Thu 01-Oct-09 21:31:00

Their 1st dc and our 2nd dc's were born only two month's apart. When DD2 had her 1st birthday at the end of August my partner didn't want to take a precious day's leave from work for her birthday as he said "she's only 1, she won't care anyway." All we did was get her a cake, sing happy birthday and helped her open her presents in the evening when the grandparents (one set anyway) were there. They live with us anyway so it's not like they had to make the effort to come over.
DP's brother saw him at work and said should he give DP her present or bring it over the following Sunday when they were coming over for lunch anyway...nothing to do with celebrating DC's birthday.
Now for their DC's upcoming big day they are planning a big family outing to a farm (shit choice) and have published a list, like a wedding list where people can choose what to get their daughter from.
Now it's up to them I suppose how they choose to celebrate but it's making me feel pissed off with DP, guilty with myself and sad for DC2 that we didn't make a fuss.
Am I being pathetic? What did you do for 1st birthdays? I know the baby doesn't care but it's showing everyone else how much you love them isn't it?

AnyFucker Thu 01-Oct-09 21:34:28

don't be silly

you were perfectly happy with your choice of celebration before

why are you allowing somebody else's OTT approach make you feel bad ?

get over it and give your dd an extra cuddle

SqueezyCheese Thu 01-Oct-09 21:34:40

I don't have any kids but who cares what they are up to. You did what was best for your little family and that is what matters. smile

I didn't know that people did 'lists' now for childrens presents? shock Weird. I'd probably be offended at the rudeness of that more than anything.

thisisyesterday Thu 01-Oct-09 21:35:30

well, i don't think it's that much of a fuss.
an outing to a farm, and a list of things the child might like... all sounds perfectly reasonable to me!

Eyeballls Thu 01-Oct-09 21:35:44

No, what you did was fine. For dd's 1st birthday we had immediate family over for a couple of sandwiches and a cake. No outings, no bouncy castles, nothing. Family got to see her and she got a fuss made of her. For her second birthday in Jan we will be at DH's sister's wedding the day before so we will only be seeing my parents on her birthday. Very small children really don't need anything else.

cheesesarnie Thu 01-Oct-09 21:35:53

yab a bit u
its a childs birthday.its not your bil fault you chose not to have a big celebration.

none of mine had big celebrations on their 1st birthday(ds2 was really poorly so missed his own birthday by sleeping through it).but i wouldnt grudge any one that wanted to do a big thang.

chaosisawayoflife Thu 01-Oct-09 21:36:57

They are being ridiculous. A gift list for a babies 1st birthday??!! Absurd. The trip to the farm is fine, and the fact that they want to make a big deal of their 1st dc's 1st birthday is normal IMO, but the gift list is just bizarre.
We personally decided just to have a nice day out as a family to mark our dd's 1st birthday (2 days after her birthday) but I know for some people its a big deal and they want to share it with the family.

nigglewiggle Thu 01-Oct-09 21:37:29

I agree with AF. You are letting their approach move your goalposts.

moondog Thu 01-Oct-09 21:38:09

Your BIL is nuts but so are you/
Are you honestly of the belief that spending money and urgeing others to do the smae means you care more about someone? hmm

thisisyesterday Thu 01-Oct-09 21:38:12

am i the only one that thinks a kind of gift list is a good idea?

ik am thinkig of doign them for the dc's for christmas to ensure we don't end u[p with any more huge pieces of plastic shit like we usually do!
will my family spurn me??? lol

ginnny Thu 01-Oct-09 21:38:23

You aren't pathetic at all. I think they are being a bit OTT (never heard of a present list for a one year old shock)
Its got nothing to do with showing how much you love them. My dc have never asked what we did for their first birthdays, they are more interested in what they'll get do for their next ones.

Aranea Thu 01-Oct-09 21:38:39

No, of course it isn't about showing anyone how much you love your baby. If it's your first baby I think it can be largely about the anniversary of the extraordinary events that happened to you as a couple. That's pretty much how I felt when dd1 turned 1, anyhow. Of course a one-year-old isn't going to notice or care what you do, and your celebration of her birthday is just about what makes you happy. Relax...

nancy75 Thu 01-Oct-09 21:40:09

i dont see why you have to compare? you do what you want with your children they can do what they want. i dont think their plans are ott anyway. for dd's first birthday we had a party with 70 guests (they were nearly all family) a bbq and a marquee in the garden, it started at lunch time and the last straggler went home at about 1am - nobody complained it was over the top, they were too drunk busy having a good time!

CayPeag Thu 01-Oct-09 21:40:28

And there's no reason why you should have to show "everyone else how much you love them" - you know you do, DC does - that's who counts!

Let them go over the top, enjoy the day out, and look forward to some completely over the top parties with magicians etc, while you have more personal fun with your DCs smile

GirlsAreLOud Thu 01-Oct-09 21:41:47

Why did you write 'shit choice' in brackets?

What's wrong with them doing that?

If you are feeling "guilty, pissed off and sad" then that is down to you. Not them.

vickiadele Thu 01-Oct-09 21:42:46

YABU regarding the other childs party, i think your anger should be aimed at your partner, your childs 1st birthday is not just special for the child but for you, all the memories, he should of got you a bunch of flowers and said thank you for such a wonderful gift, your child. hmm

busybutterfly Thu 01-Oct-09 21:46:55

YABU - be happy with what you did and let them do what they want to - it's their first child and they can make a fuss if they want. Doesn't mean yours was any less enjoyable!

thisisyesterday Thu 01-Oct-09 21:47:30

knowing jude, it's probably because their child is a boy

piscesmoon Thu 01-Oct-09 21:47:33

I don't see why you let it bother you-no one remembers their 1st birthday-it is more for the benefit of the parents. Just go and enjoy it and don't compare.

choosyfloosy Thu 01-Oct-09 21:48:00

I think YABU tbh because what does it matter? We did have a party for ds's first, jointly with a friend whose baby was born on the same day, but it was for us really, not for the babies. The survival end of that first year was something I felt like celebrating. Maybe your Bil and SIL have had a horrible time too and want some fun?

As for present lists, well, I do keep a running list of things I think of that ds would like, but that's because people sometimes ask me.

Just because someone else does something you really don't have to do it as well. Are you going to spend your DC2's childhood comparing their experience to their cousins'?

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 01-Oct-09 21:48:03

Message withdrawn

Guad Thu 01-Oct-09 21:48:16

Loads of our friends have done quite big parties for first birthdays.

We didn't, well, I made a trifle which took a while, but I didn't think anything about them having a party. It's personal choice how you want to celebrate.

ScaryFucker Thu 01-Oct-09 21:50:32

thisisyesterday, do you know something about the OP that we don't ??

vickiadele Thu 01-Oct-09 21:50:59

agree with thisisyesterday, i just noticed who im bothering with, i took my boy to thomas land for his first birthday he loved it, going now to bother with nicer people x

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 01-Oct-09 21:52:08

Message withdrawn

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