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to want dh to limit hospital visits

(10 Posts)
HKT Thu 01-Oct-09 21:11:03

My mil has cancer, so occasionally spends time in hospital (2 months at a time) unfortunately the hospital is an hour away from home.
Dh and his brother take it in turns to take fil up there every night, which usually is fine - tricky at home as the children don't see much of him, but under the circumstances, nothing else to do.
Problem is, dh drives all day for a living,and after a week or two, starts to get chest pains - dr says stress related, nothing to panic about, but when you are at home with 3 dc, and your dh is having regular chest pains, it's very hard not to panic
I've suggested to dh and his family that they find a few friends who'd be willing to do a hospital trip, so that in a week, dh and bil only have to go up 2 or 3 times, rather than 3 or 4, so they get more of a break, but they won't hear of it.
AIBU and selfish to want to make sure that he is OK?

KIMItheThreadSlayer Thu 01-Oct-09 21:13:37

What does your DH say?

herbietea Thu 01-Oct-09 21:16:43

Message withdrawn

paisleyleaf Thu 01-Oct-09 21:18:30

Perhaps they won't hear of it because they're not just taxi-ing their dad, ut also want to see their mum.
It can't be easy.

NancyBotwin Thu 01-Oct-09 21:20:46

What's your FIL's situation - does he not drive then? Why does he want to go int eh evening - is he at work during the day? If he could go during the day - and make his own way there somehow (or could you take him sometimes?)- it would take pressure off your dh - and mean your MIL wasn't on her own all day too...

herjazz Thu 01-Oct-09 21:21:46

he should get his chest pains looked at. Not driving to the hospital will not do a fat lot to remedy this really in the grand scheme of things. Can understand you are concerned for him - but wouldn't draw the line at 'oh that's ok - someone else will go visit the mil for a few nights'

you will most likely get some reassurrance then and that will be better for the both of you. Also, maybe its v important to him to go see his mother. Most likely it is the stress of the whole situation that is giving him physical symptoms of anxiety. Telling him not to go and panicking about heart attacks won't do a lot to help that

Mybox Thu 01-Oct-09 21:22:55

yanbu - does your fil know the situation?

cheesesarnie Thu 01-Oct-09 21:23:33

yanbu but nor is he.he wants to see his mum and make sure his dad can see her too.

Northernlurker Thu 01-Oct-09 21:24:17

It's natural to want to make sure he's ol - and he is ok, the doctor has checked him out. He's stressed though and you fretting over the logistics of the day won't help. His mother is seriously ill, this is a time for family to take care of one another. This may mean you and the kids take a back seat for a bit - that's natural and perfectly possible for you to live with. Just let him get on with it and do what he has to do - that's the way to help him feel better. You fretting just puts more pressure on him.

echt Thu 01-Oct-09 21:47:39

The most important thing is for your DH to get the chest pains checked. They should never be ignored, no matter what the other pressing needs are.

This is NOT panicking, it is sensible.

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