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to want to delete this woman from my life ? We used to be friends....

(49 Posts)

Hi all !

I have namechanged just in case of..

A year ago, I became closed friends with other mum from my ds's class. We got to know each other towards the end of the school summer term. I used to say hi and everything before and then we got talking, we met up for coffees, she invited me to parties, her birthday pary etc...we were in each other pocket, really, almost spending all our spare time together..She even called me her special friend. She even offered to host my 25th birthday party at her massssssive house and we did and it was great and I thanked her 10000 times for this great gift.

Then in september, I have started suffering of depression due to stress at work so I guess I was not making her laugh anymore..She has got an amazing job and a lot of pressure and I'm at the bottom of the career ladder.

As I tought we were closed I have confided in her, how I was feeling etc..but it was never just about me. I always loved listening to her news etc...

After my birthday, which were in october, she stopped calling me, texted me (when she could easily send 10 messages a day)..or answering sorry dont feel like talking...

I was invited at new years at hers, she desinvited me..

And in general completely ignoring me or being cold to me.

I was heartbroken.

In january, I went to a party where she was, and I had too much to drink and I tried to confront her, got the silence treatment and rolling eyes.

From that time until yesterday, I tried to act like normal, our relationship is really formal.

But its so hard for me because she started to go out again and we see each other and its so hard because we go out with all the mums from school.

Yesterday, it did hurt big time. I was talking and she cut me mid sentence just to talk about boring shoes...

Am I boring, a looney ?? Why is she like this ?

She is on my facebook, can I delete her or its going to make everything worst ???

I have to see her for the next 7 yearsssssssssssss !

Help and sorry for long post and I hope I make sense !

StealthPolarBear Wed 30-Sep-09 18:19:19

It sounds like she's either got bored of you or she's decided she doesn't want you now you have problems. TBH she doesn't sound like the sort of friend you need.
How is your depression now?
TBH I would stop trying to talk to her - I'd imagine it won't be helping you and will just be making her more exasperated. It's a pity as you ued to be good friends but it doesn't sound as though she's the same person any more.

Lizzylou Wed 30-Sep-09 18:19:38

So she stopped being interested in you once you'd got low and confided in her?
Well she doesn't sound worth the bother, rise above.
Smile politely, and talk to someone else when you are in company.
Sounds like she is very superficial imo.

StealthPolarBear Wed 30-Sep-09 18:22:02

Yes, that's what I meant, be polite etc but don't make any special attempt to talk to her

junglist1 Wed 30-Sep-09 18:22:48

Only talk to her when you really have to, when you go out say hi in a disinterested way then concentrate on others. Only confront if she says something rude to you directly, not when you have a drink and feel to bring it up. Oh and when youre with others and she's standing alone look happy and carefree.

BrokenBananaTantrum Wed 30-Sep-09 18:25:30

I'm really sorry you are suffering from depression it is really horrible. Sounds like this person might be a bit shallow. If she was true friend she would be helping and supporting you.

I wouldn't delete her from FB but i wouldn't be all friendly with her either.


Thanks for your answers...I think you are right, she got bored of me and ditched me. It had a massive effect on me, completely broke my confidence. I have a few good friends and I'm's just I wish I didnt have to see her again...Following yesterday ev, she said on fb how happy she was to have seen X obviously I didnt get, of course I know she doesnt give a shit to catch up with me or not...but it hurt.


Thanks for your answers...I think you are right, she got bored of me and ditched me. It had a massive effect on me, completely broke my confidence. I have a few good friends and I'm's just I wish I didnt have to see her again...Following yesterday ev, she said on fb how happy she was to have seen X obviously I didnt get, of course I know she doesnt give a shit to catch up with me or not...but it hurt.

herjazz Wed 30-Sep-09 18:26:57

she sounds vile

yeah I'd delete her from fb - bollocks to her

BrokenBananaTantrum Wed 30-Sep-09 18:28:47

some people are shitty. stick with your good mates. it does know your confidence when people behave like this but try not to spend too much time worrying about it if you can and set up a get together with some of your good friends.


Dont know why I posted twice ! Thank u so much for your tips, I really need help to deal with this..I wish I was strong.. I'm seen like the funny one who is always talking shit but yes I have been depressed for a year now and as I said I have few friends who know a little bit about that and are always trying to cheer me up and make me laught I'm lucky...I need to get stronger...I have to meet with her for socila events and I do try not to talk to her, just say hi how are you that's it..but when we are only 4 at the table, you have to exhange unfortunately.

She is a strong person with a very succesful life..I dont even know why we became friends in the first place as we are so different...I think she just needed a monkey to make her laught, but the monkey had problems sad

TheBolter Wed 30-Sep-09 18:33:50

There are many women like this out there... I've met a fair few and have had my feelings hurt by fickle types. Very often they have really magnetic personalities and make you feel as if the sun shines upon you but they can very quickly turn. This woman sounds like one of them.

You may wish to look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder and see if any of the symptoms match as it may make you feel better when you see it's not you that's at fault.

Be glad your friendship is over and move on!

And yes delete her from FB - so what if she doesn't like it I doubt she'd notice tbh.

Lizzylou Wed 30-Sep-09 18:34:54

It sounds very much that despite being older than you, she is very immature. She only wants "fun" aquaintances, not deep friendships.
YOu say you have true frends, put all your focus on them and really don't worry about this woman, she sounds very fake. I would be hurt too, but don't let her see that.
I bet anything that once she sees you enjoying yourself and having fun without her she'll try and re-aquaint herself with you. But just remember that she isn't a true friend. Not at all.

I hope you're OK.


Thank you, thank you for taking time to answer me ! I'm down everytime I see her !

Lizzylou Wed 30-Sep-09 18:39:31

Don't be down, you are the bigger person, you don't just toy with people, you opened up and trusted someone who wasn't worthy of your trust.
It is not nice when we find out people are not who we thought they were.
Perfect your air hostess smile!

MovingOutOfBlighty Wed 30-Sep-09 18:42:43

Just to ask, have none of you ever had 'time and a place' friends. you know that kind of amazing friend where you both have babies, spend all sorts of time together.

But then, after a while, you realise youdon't have that much in common.

I am not defending her, it is just that I have had these intense kinds of friendships but after a while realise that perhaps we weren't as close as we thought. I know I have been 'dropped' by people. If you lived in different towns you probably would have just had her fade out of your life. I reckon it is only because your dcs are at the same school it is so obvious.
I would be polite, smiley and not push it with her. Concentrate on your own really good friends.


The thing is..we have a lot of friends in common..I mean the mums from school, I know some since our ds were babies and now we are all this big bench of friends !!!!!!!! They know about the situation but I can't/wont tell them about how I feel, that is not fair to put a bad atmosphere just because of me.


moving - I understand what you mean, I dont know why we became friends in the first place, I didnt like her at first as she was barely saying hi at the gate but then our ds's became best friends, then she grabbed me and she was so sweet and so lovely funny, we were making plans for the its like if I was talking about a real couple ! Our relationship was really intense, we were always together !

onadietcokebreak Wed 30-Sep-09 18:50:58

I would go one further than delete her I would block her.....then she will never actually have any chance of finding anything about you out on facebook.

You are worth more than this kind of treatment. How very childish not to talk things through. We have all lost or outgrew friends along the way but this no the way she should have behaved.


Yes ditching me like a bag of crap without explaination...atm I'm fat and dont look healthy, I can still be my funny me which is a big thing..but I can hear her saying look at her I'm 10 years older than her and I'm fitter (she said that in the past) I'm really childish sorry, I'm always in a state everytime I see her (not a lot but still!)

Did I thank you for your kindness ???? smile

BitOfFun Wed 30-Sep-09 19:11:40

What a horrible thing gor you to have to through- and you're right, it does knock your confidence really badly. I got dropped like a stone by a really close friend once and it totally poleaxed me for a few months really, it's a truly nasty experience. The thing is, you'll be back to your old self soon enough, and she'll still be a shallow cow. No advice really, but I do feel for you sad


Thanks bof, I'll get over it I'm sure, it just take time, it's the first in my adult time that I experience something like this !

JustAnotherManicMummy Wed 30-Sep-09 19:24:04

Sounds like she's treated you a bit like you were a couple... and now it's over.

Except I doubt you had the "break-up" bit and also because, generally, it's not acceptable to treat friends like this.

If this was an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend who behaved like this to one of your friends what advice would you give him/her?

You will get over this, in time.

ChilloHippi Wed 30-Sep-09 19:27:57

You don't need a friend like that, so concentrate on others instead of her. It is horrid when a friendship breaks down, especially when you don't know why! I have been there and understand how confusing it is.


Thank you ladies, I'm having an holiday coming, I think it'll help ! Its ridiculous, we used to say our friendship wouldnt last only for the summer, it was not a summer rommance...What an idiot I was !!!

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