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to think that if DH wants a packed lunch it should be him getting up earlier, not me?

(53 Posts)
Simplistica Wed 30-Sep-09 13:20:12

He started a new job last week, and for some reason I've ended up in the role of getting up 30 mnutes earlier on days he has to be in earlier to make lunch etc (I do make the children's lunches also).

And I am waking every 30 minutes from about 5 in a panic that it has got too late because he won't let me set the bloody alarm clock (won't show me how- strange digital thing) in case it wakes him

I'm studying evenings, so am getting up earlier plus feeding baby at night, then trying to concentrate on studies later, whilst he gets to lie in every day.

<<AIBU thread caused by tiredness disclaimer>>

LadyGlencoraPalliser Wed 30-Sep-09 13:21:53

No, of course YANBU. Have you said all this to him? What does he say?

overmydeadbody Wed 30-Sep-09 13:21:56


He is a grown adult ffs, he should bloody well make his own packed lunches!

You are not his mother. Put your foot down.

Iklboo Wed 30-Sep-09 13:22:01

My DH would open his lunch box to find a carefully wrapped 'Gillian McKeith Special' if he pulled this stunt on me

Paolosgirl Wed 30-Sep-09 13:23:51


That's the sound of my chin hitting the floor, in case you are wondering. No, of course YANBU - in fact, I'm cross on your behalf angry. He needs a good kick up the backside, tbh. Tell him to make his own flaming packed lunch, and buy your own alarm clock and set it for when you want.


Simplistica Wed 30-Sep-09 13:25:08

When I said it yesterday he said he didn't want to come home to complaints

When I woke him this morning and said Mrs X's 5 (so including him) all need to wake he laughed and said it was funny

I know IANBU but he's generally OK, he seems to have a block that places him as head of household though (partly mother relatd) and it does get to me at times, in the past he was WOHD and I ws student Mother now we're both doing similar and nothing has changed role wise

meemarsgotabrandnewbump Wed 30-Sep-09 13:25:22

Does he have no hands?

Tell him to make his lunch the night before if he doesn't want to get up earlier.

CyradisTheSeer Wed 30-Sep-09 13:26:38

Message withdrawn

LadyGlencoraPalliser Wed 30-Sep-09 13:26:46

Buy yourself an alarm clock. Set it for the time you need to wake up. Get up then. Tell him to make his own lunch from now on and leave him to it. Simples.

colditz Wed 30-Sep-09 13:27:09

What on Earth are you playing at??????

Inform him he makes his own pack up from now on. Then never make it again. Do you not think that if something as ridiculous as this has got to the point where it's causing anxiety-driven sleep loss, it should stop?

AMumInScotland Wed 30-Sep-09 13:27:20

Seriously, you are getting up before him so that you can make his lunch? And he doesn't want you to wake him up when you get up to do it?

And you have to ask us if you are being unreasonable?


meemarsgotabrandnewbump Wed 30-Sep-09 13:27:34

You really must put your foot down and stand up for yourself.

I am shocked that he thinks he can place himself at the head of the household and set the rules.

You are his wife not his employee.

tobago04 Wed 30-Sep-09 13:27:51

YANBU,tell him to make it the night before

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 30-Sep-09 13:28:07

Ooh I'm fuming for you. You need to knock this on the head now before it gets any worse.
Does he help out with anything domestically to give you a chance to study? What about weekends - do you get a lie-in then?

Dizzyclarebear Wed 30-Sep-09 13:33:16

why would you get up earlier to make him lunch? Actually, why are you making him lunch at all?

I'm now slightly worried my DH is getting a v bad deal, I'd only make him a packed lunch if I was making one for myself and it was no more bother.

Just stop doing it. Stay in bed. It's the only sane thing to do.

ShutUpandDrinkYourGin Wed 30-Sep-09 13:34:54

Quite Dizzy

Just stay in bed

diddl Wed 30-Sep-09 13:35:34


I make snacks for the children,so an extra lunch for husband wouldn´t be too difficult.

But, only if it fitted around my "getting the children ready for school routine" that I already have!

Sounds a bit controlling re the alarm.

What time does he need to get up FFS?

When I´m up with the children, so is husband-there´s no chance of more sleep!!

That´s if he hasn´t already gone to avoid the chaos!!

itsmeolord Wed 30-Sep-09 13:36:21

Do you remember that song that Zammo out of Grange Hill sang with Cally et al?

"NO! Just say NO, Just say NOOOOOO"

That is now your new mantra.

LadyOfTheFlowers Wed 30-Sep-09 13:38:51

I make DHs for him if I feel like it.
He does not expect me to.
He usually does it himself.

If we have 'cut yer own bread' or not much butter left etc I will just do it so I don't have to hear his whining about such 'pains in the arse'.

I make him breakfast and lunch at the weekends, dinner every night when he gets in. He makes his own packed lunch.

Simplistica Wed 30-Sep-09 13:39:37

I should emphasise that he does a significant part of the housework- until recntly perhaps most- but again, has dropepd off in last fortnight:washing up and putting clothes away )his main chored) has ended up as doing ha;f washing up before ending up on FB and leaving clothes in a heap upstairs.

OK I will give full background to make it fairer on him, I was worried it might affect more widespread opinions of him, usually he is v v good indeed.

right, last four years he has worked and I have either studied (we also had 3 children, 2 sn) or the last year I have been at home, with a baby.Last spring he was amde redundant and we did dhare roles fairly equally, this September he has started at Uni as well as having a small PT job and I am combining being a carer with PT study.

All the time I was at Uni it was 'I make the wage', but now it's not changed- even though I am the one doing most graft, given the needs of the children. In fact, his contribution has dropped off almost completely in favour of FB.

AIBU now? He's due home in an hour so I may need a chat as I am dead on my feet, baby wakes 3-4 times a night still and boys often don't settle until very late so it is a FT job.

Simplistica Wed 30-Sep-09 13:43:38

NAswers to Q's- wekends he has mapped out atm, but thats been the case seasonally since we met.

He can be a bit controlling- usually I front up and have a go when it gets too bad, atm he just says 'you depressed or something?'(ironic given that he is the one on meds- though he's well now,just completing last dose so not ill, I'd spot it a mile off)

I am getting up at 6.30, he should be up at 7 for an 8am start, but is hauling ass at 7.15.

Iklboo Wed 30-Sep-09 13:44:14

No no - nobody had said you're being unreasonable. You are being too reasonable. HE is the one behaving like a 1900's throwback and you either give him Pedigree Chum butties or tell him to kiss the north cheek of your arse (whichever is more appealing to you)

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Wed 30-Sep-09 13:45:13

What do you mean 'his contributions have dropped off in favour of FB'? Do you mean his housework has dropped off in favour of going on facebook? Or his financial contributions have dropped in favour of something else with the initials FB? Cos if it's the former that's a big problem.

It doesn't matter who works out of home, you both work. I can't understand why you would wake several times in panic in case you oversleep and don't make his lunch and he is late for work. WTF?

I make DH a packed lunch because I'm up, and he prefers to spend every possible minute in bed and wouldn't make himself one, thereby going hungry all day or buying some shit burger or something. He never expects it and always says thanks. That's my choice. This is not your choice.

bacon Wed 30-Sep-09 13:45:30

From the way we live here I have to do it all and even when baby was still waking in night I still had to make pack lunch for hubby (some morns v early). And if yr already doing it for the children then I cant see a problem. I have prepared most of it the night before, not the sarnies but crisps, fruit, yougurts, snacks etc all all put in the box night before and then all you have to do is the bread and filling in the morning. Then you wont have to wake extra early.

My hubby and be an arse too! I'd buy another alarm clock and set it yourself. Pretty nasty for him to complain about you setting the alarm clock though.

I do understand as I am a SAHM but even so I still struggle to do it all and the evenings are not relaxing as I dont seem to sit down till late. If your studying too I would expect a little help from hubby in the evening hence he could help prepare the lunch boxes in advance. worth a try x

abra1d Wed 30-Sep-09 13:47:39

A friend of mine did this. She got up early to make her husband's packed lunch and cook his breakfast, although she works fulltime herself (and does everything in the house and for the children). She didn't need to be up that early.

He went off with another woman some years later.

So much for gratitude.

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