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AIBU?

To NEVER go out again? ok I know I am but I am really shaken up and upset

45 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 29/09/2009 12:46

I took ds2 to a play group this morning, this was a huge step for me as normally I only do things with the 2 of us...Afterwards I had to do some shopping so went to my local halal butchers to buy some lamb.
As I came out and was happily walking along with ds2 in his pushchair a black man (this is relevant) walked into the pram so I turned it to prevent him 1- falling onto ds2 2- stop him hurting himself. Cue him start shouting and swearing at me telling me I had deliberatly (sp) run into him...I apologised, as I knew as I turned the pushchair I had knocked his leg, asked if he was ok and he began screaming and shouting that "You people always do this" I started to walk and he followed me still shouting and then started threatening me and ds2, who thankfully was oblivious to what was going on. I walked into the local supermarket as by now I was getting upset and scared and he shouted "I am not just a black man I am not a Jamaican I am african and I will kill you and your ugly white son". The security guard came over to see what the problem was as by now I was in tears, I had said sorry but he would not leave me alone.

The security guard ushered me to the cafe where i sat still crying and went to find the man. he came back after 20 minutes and said he had a desription of him and when he came back to the store he would talk to him, and he would barr him if he was not satisfied with what he said. TBH I just wanted to get out and get home but had shopping to do I was so embarrassed that I sat there crying. I really don't want to go out again and I know I have not got all I needed in the shops because I just wanted to get me and ds2 home.

OP posts:

Report

southeastastra · 29/09/2009 12:48

he sounds like a care in the community case more than anything else. poor you

steph101 · 29/09/2009 12:52

Oh this is awful.

Do not let this lunatic get to you too much... the chances of it happening ever again are small as most people are "normal" when out and about. You should report this to the police.

Big hugs mate

3littlefrogs · 29/09/2009 12:53

You should report it to the police. He sounds as if he shouldn't be out. He also sounds dangerous, plus it is a racially aggravated crime - you must have been terrified.

GypsyMoth · 29/09/2009 12:53

why is he being black relevant? nobody should behave like that even if he was shocking pink!!

was he drunk? high on drugs?

3littlefrogs · 29/09/2009 12:53

What i mean is, that if there is "racist abuse", the police have to do something.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 29/09/2009 12:53

Report him to the police. It was clearly an accident. You and the security guard could give good description. It is not acceptable to rant and rave like that.

cathcat · 29/09/2009 12:54

Poor you, I hope you are feeling better.
Perhaps you should notify the police about this mans's threatening behaviour. If he has got mental health issues then it would be good to have incidents logged.

TheLadyEvenstar · 29/09/2009 12:55

Ilove The reason it was relevant is because of the comment he made. Because I had said " a black man" I felt I should explain because of the comment he made..iyswim?

OP posts:

TheLadyEvenstar · 29/09/2009 12:57

All I could describe him as is a slim black man with a flat cap on and a rucksack....not really much to go on.

OP posts:

dilemma456 · 29/09/2009 13:25

Message withdrawn

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 29/09/2009 13:39

I got seriously verbally abused and threatened by a man when I was working in a cafe because I wouldn't give him a cup of hot water, I had seen him shoplifting in somerfield not long before and didn't want him in my cafe (I was within my rights to refuse hot water) and he went crazy, verbally abusing me and threatening to hurt me next time he saw me, the security did nothing and then he went and found a police officer and told them I had racially abused him! He was clearly mad as there were several witnesses. He came back another day and sat down outside on my table, I was terrified but the security (shopping centre) told me I had to ask him to leave before they could do anything (I was 23). They stood behind me at a safe distance

Honestly, this guy was clearly unwell and I think the guy you met today was too. Chalk it up to experience and don't worry I'm sure he has forgotten you and what you look like immediately. At least there were good people around to help you out.

KERALA1 · 29/09/2009 13:45

Poor you - please don't let it affect how you live though it was not about you, you were just unlucky to cross paths with him. There are some truly nutty people out there. My DH had a lesser experience but was still upset, an elderly lady at a bus stop came right up to him and spat into his face "you should be ashamed". Poor man was totally bewildered and actually quite upset and he is a confident 30 something. Just chalk it up to (bad) experience.

peanutbutterkid · 29/09/2009 13:52

Don't feel you need to justify yourself, Evenstar, of course his race is relevant; he made it into an issue (and for all we know, you're a person of multiple colours yourself).

YANBU to feel very shook up by it.
Try to remember you were extremely unlucky, and it won't happen again because you won't forget what this madman looks like.

ChilloHippi · 29/09/2009 13:55

I would report him to the police. It's a death threat.

SouthernMeerkat · 29/09/2009 14:03

Poor, poor you - it sounds as though he has some MH issues, but it's still horribly upsetting.

I was followed into a store by a man who was threatening to punch me (I was 38 wks pg and had my 15 month old with me) because I had asked him VERY politely if he would mind moving out of the mother and baby space that he was parked in, because I couldn't get out of my car in an ordinary space. He refused, swearing at me, so I parked miles away and waddled into Sainsbury's - he followed me in, yelling abuse, calling me a stuck up b*tch, and ranting about how my problems weren't his problems etc etc. I was repeatedly saying "Please leave me alone - you are scaring me and my son" - the security guard did absolutely nothing, even though he could see that my son and I were in tears and really distressed.

I couldn't stop shaking for days, so completely understand how horrid it is - but just try and put it behind you - it's not worth putting your life on hold for, and it does sound as though he was ill. At least 'your' security guard was a good one!

ILoveGregoryHouse · 29/09/2009 14:06

Am sorry this has happened to you. It will take a bit of time to process it and you should report it. However, I had a similar experience on the DLR 5 years ago - 5 months pregnant and with a 1 year old in a buggy. I also had SPD at the time. When I stood up to get off, a man, who appeared to be muslim and who had been staring at me would not get out of the way even though I said excuse me - I had to crouch to take the brakes off the buggy by hand as I couldn't use my feet (tto painful on my hips) so I bumped him a wee bit. I then said, thanks for your help and merry christmas (it was xmas eve)- okay a bit sarcastic, but anyway - and he followed me off the train and startng yelling that I would burn in hell and he would kill me and jesus was a lie. Well, i was devastated. I reported it to the police. They did sod all, didn't even come to see me to get a report. Oh, and nobody on the DLR did anything to help me. Sorry for the hijack, just wanted you to know you're not the only one and it is really upsetting, I feel for you.

AvengingGerbil · 29/09/2009 14:08

Security guards are hired to protect the shop's property, not the safety of shoppers. That seems pretty clear from all these horrible experiences.

TheLadyEvenstar · 29/09/2009 14:36

From talking to the store manager, store security and plastic police men they know this man as he is on leave/release/stay away from the local MH hospital and frequents the area on these days causing upset. But apparently he is harmless sorry have been back to store to thank Security and thats how I found this out.

OP posts:

MoonTheLoon · 29/09/2009 15:33

He doesn't sound harmless to me Ladyevenstar, what a horrible thing for you to have to deal with.

3littlefrogs · 29/09/2009 17:00

Sorry - I don't believe this "harmless" business. There have been enough tragedies due to lack of care and supervision. This person sounds aggressive and unstable. The police should be informed (though whether they will actually do anything is another thing altogether).

groundhogs · 29/09/2009 17:09

I agree with 3littlefrogs.

While you hopefully ought to get some kind of relief from knowing that perhaps he isn't to be taken seriously, that IS text-book anti-social behaviour, and whoever it is that thinks he is fine to be out on a release unsupervised, needs to be aware of what he has done.

I bet you are shaken up, I know how I'd feel if your shoe were on my foot, as it were.

Deep breaths love, and don't let the buggers get you down eh?

Report it though, sounds like the store could help corroborating your statement?

ChilloHippi · 29/09/2009 19:11

I don't think it can be called harmless at all. It has had a great effect on someone and has therefore 'harmed' them, albeit not in a physical manner.

SolidGoldBrass · 29/09/2009 19:18

Oh FFS this individual is not harmless if he's being aggressive. It's not his fault he has mental health issues, but if he is this verbally aggressive already he's going to thump someone (or worse) any time soon. He could be done for threatening behaviour, for one thing.
TLE sorry this happened to you, it is horrible and upsetting to be on the receiving end of aggression from a stranger.
Do you have a friend or two nearby who you could call and ask to come shopping/to the pictures/to M&T group with you ASAP? It's actaully quite important to go out again as soon as you can to reduce the risk of getting agoraphobia or something similar.
When I got mugged about 10 years ago, I forced myself to go out the next night in the dark to get a takeaway because I thought, if I start making excuses not to go out, I'll end up not able to go out and that isn't acceptable.

Ripeberry · 29/09/2009 19:29

They are all harmless until they kill someone and then everyone says "Why did no-one do anything?"
Years ago I was walking through the Hayes in Cardiff, in a hurry as I had to catch a 5.30pm train and some MH patient was in the middle of the square with a big stick threatening to 'whack people's ugly heads off' I never ran so fast!
Still missed my train, after spending ages trying to work out how to get past him

comewhinewithme · 29/09/2009 19:32

Sorry TLE hope you are ok.

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