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to expect men with 'significant others' not to use the services of a prostitute?

(138 Posts)
FourArms Mon 28-Sep-09 17:39:39

Have just returned from a trip to visit my DH who was on a R&R period as part of his job. These men have been seperated from their OH's for a month or so. On the first evening quite a number of them used the services of prostitutes.

Quite apart from the rights and wrongs of people working in the sex industry, AIBU to think that men shouldn't need to do this? Some of them do have wives and girlfriends at home. I am also a bit hmm about the general acceptance of this by the other blokes, and the fact that this is all kept secret from the partners at home. Luckily for the blokes involved, I don't know any of their partners, if I did, I'm not sure I could keep my mouth shut about it. I would want to know if my DH was doing this.

snapple Mon 28-Sep-09 17:47:20

ofcourse yanbu, how sickening. what kind of place does your dh work in that this is accepted conduct or part of the culture?
what does your dh think about it?

lavenderkate Mon 28-Sep-09 17:49:19

My Dh has told me he has colleagues in his industry who quite openly trot off together in the night to find ladies like this.
Not all, but a significant number.
They are suited and booted businessmen away for a couple of nights with wives and families at home.
He tells me he finds it sad.
And yes i am very glad I dont know them either. sad

Unfortunately, I dont think its unusual.

FourArms Mon 28-Sep-09 17:52:57

My DH is horrified by it, but does know that it goes on. Would rather not give too many details, but DH is in the military.

Not sure how I feel about the blokes who are free and single. The prices they paid were so cheap, that I feel the women are still being really exploited. My main issue was for the women at home getting on with life without their partners, whilst the blokes are sleeping with prostitutes, apparently without proper protection (although nothing is 100% anyway) which could possibly cause problems for the women at a later date.

JeminTheDungeon Mon 28-Sep-09 17:56:30

YANBU.

Great relationships they must have eh? Feel so sorry for their partners.

Rindercella Mon 28-Sep-09 17:56:54

YANBU, but sadly I am not surprised by this.

I used to work in the IT industry and years ago, after my team had landed a huge deal, the sales guy took all the team (except me, cos I is a woman hmm) to Amsterdam to celebrate. A very good friend who was on that trip told me about some of the goings on. He said that one of the men, on the same day he went to the diamond facory to buy his gf an engagement ring, had sex with a number of prostitues. And boasted about it. Friend was quite disgusted by this; several of our colleagues weren't.

It seems some men can happily divorce having sex with prostitues from their partners.

PixiNanny Mon 28-Sep-09 18:00:18

My boyfriend was telling me how when he was in the marine's his colleagues used to do that, horrible stuff Though, some women give their partners permission to do it, just to bear in mind (not that often though!)

It's very sad, why would you sleep with a prostitute behind your partners back? (if at all?)

Snorbs Mon 28-Sep-09 18:00:28

I find it dreadful (unless it's part of an agreed open relationship etc). But then people of both sexes using foreign business trips as an excuse for a bit of no-strings sex is far from uncommon

snapple Mon 28-Sep-09 18:07:41

Some people do not want an equal, sharing relationship. They like the power involved in buying a human being who can be made to do almost anything. sad

I think any buyer of sex is sad. I feel for anyone who has to work with people like this.

pjmama Mon 28-Sep-09 18:08:48

I've never understood how a man can be turned on by shagging a woman who has absolutely no interest in shagging him back. No matter how good an actress, don't they realise these girls probably despise them? It's all a bit soulless, but I guess its been going on since time began. I pity the poor wives and girlfriends and hope they never have to find out what vile, shallow, selfish individuals their partners really are.

KERALA1 Mon 28-Sep-09 18:08:55

All my ex bf's male friends, when he lived in the far east, regularly went on boys "golfing" weekends. Which was basically a trip to a brothel in the PHillipines. He was more friendly with the partners so stayed in Singapore with the women and had to endure all the "missing you" phone calls from the men. They all did it and the wives and girlfriends did not have a clue. Disgusting.

KerryMumbles Mon 28-Sep-09 18:09:33

can you be certain that your dh doesn't partake as well when you're not there?

FourArms Mon 28-Sep-09 18:09:41

But why do they do it? Do you think it's just peer pressure? Is there some male need that I just don't understand?

Some of the blokes had sex with the same prostitute, one after another. It just feels disgusting to me.

I can't imagine giving my DH 'permission' to do this. Quite apart from the possibility of STDs, I feel it is exploitative for the prostitutes in most cases.

Hulababy Mon 28-Sep-09 18:11:56

YANBU

What a relationship eh? DH would be out on ear if he was to ever do so.

pjmama Mon 28-Sep-09 18:12:50

Sadly I suspect that most of us don't really want to know just how many men are capable of doing this type of thing, if they think they'll never get caught sad

FourArms Mon 28-Sep-09 18:13:03

KM - no, not at all. Can any of us be certain about anything? That's why I find the secrecy about it all so worrying. But I do trust my DH, and would say that I really don't think he'd ever do this. But presumably all the women whose partners are doing it think that too?

SausageRocket Mon 28-Sep-09 18:13:05

ick.

RubysReturn Mon 28-Sep-09 18:13:22

I think it is surprisingly common. Most conference centres attract a lot of prostitutes who are very proactive about generating trade. Not to mention lap dancing bars.

I know my Dh has enountered this (even when I was there).

Last year he called me from his hotel room in a panic - he was faking travellers tum to avoid going to a 'massage' parlour.

I do trust him, but I hate him being in this kind of environment. I think a lot of blokes get pressured into going along with it and then it becomes a norm.

Utterly horrid.

snapple Mon 28-Sep-09 18:13:30

...Actually I really do hope the partners really do find out how vile and selfish their partners are. Apart from allowing them to move on I think it is really important for their own health.

I remember a work colleague who found out her dh was using prostitutes - she divorced him pretty quickly but it transpired he had been doing it for a couple of years.

fruitshootsandleaves Mon 28-Sep-09 18:14:51

One after another, nicehmm.

blueshoes Mon 28-Sep-09 19:03:34

There is a risk of this happening, particularly amongst blokes who travel a lot because of the opportunity it offers.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Mon 28-Sep-09 19:19:06

Women should never underestimate how much all women are hated by some men. To paraphrase somebody or other.

Really - soo many men despise women. They are taking their partners for fools - homemakers, cooks, sexual servicers, whilst shitting all over their promises behind their backs. But it 'doesn't count' because they bought the use of some poor woman's body? Sick.

lovechoc Mon 28-Sep-09 19:22:30

Ha, DH is too tight to pay for the services of prostitutes. he even told me this himself. he said why pay for it when you can do it for free! lol

LadyMidnightMT Mon 28-Sep-09 19:24:27

This gives me an opprotunity to use one of my favorite quotes;

Men don't pay prostitutes for sex; they pay them go go away after sex.

LadyMidnightMT Mon 28-Sep-09 19:25:23

Does your DH work on the iol rigs by chance?

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