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To feel violated now I've worked out my friend is a MNer?

(18 Posts)
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Sun 27-Sep-09 20:46:21

I always chat quite openly on here as I think ah what're the chances of someone knowing me.

Well I've just suddenly figured out one of my friends is a MNer from something she said. I have moaned about our mutual friend on here as she is very angry that I'm pregnant.

So now I'm wondering if she knows I'm me!!

Penthesileia Sun 27-Sep-09 20:49:52

LOL. I live in fear of this, though I don't quite know why.

Like your Michael McIntyre name, btw. I heart him. grin

onepieceoflollipop Sun 27-Sep-09 20:51:27

If you don't want to be identified then you need to take a few precautions (imo). For example, not having a profile (I don't, I see you don't either)

Also avoid any really identifying posts, for example post vaguely that you live in the North rather than your town's name etc.

If you or you dp/dh have a very unusual job, don't mention it, or if you have say triplets or a very large family don't mention that.

People have various opinions re the etiquette if you realise you know someone. If you come clean then basically that person could search your name and find out loads about you and link it to you. Personally if you have identified your friend and think she may be able to identify you, then it's up to you.

In your position I would get any very personal posts that I had made deleted. I wouldn't mention it to my friend, but anything she/he had said on here I would never repeat to her or anyone else.

ElectricElephant Sun 27-Sep-09 20:51:35

ah, this is exactly why I name change constantly! Nothing to do with my opinions, just I reveal too much and people could put it together.

LatinDAISYcal Sun 27-Sep-09 20:53:03

Why violated? Unless she is actively stalking you and repeating things that you have said on MN to the people concerned. You post on an open forum and as such have to realise that someone somewhere might read it and put two and two together; different if someone has knicked your password to closed forum. If I were you I'd be more inclined to feel embarrassed that I may have been caught out bitching about a RL friend.

YABVU I think, but maybe it's the hormones wink

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Sun 27-Sep-09 20:55:38

How do I get posts deleted? I cannot possibly come clean haha. Will she have noticed I am me? There are so many people nattering on here that I may have been overlooked?

Electric- I've been on here 3 years and name changed loads of times for this reason. I knew I'd gotten too comfortable in my name this time, and whaddaya know, this happens!! Keep your name changing going, it could happen to you, too grin

belgo Sun 27-Sep-09 20:55:43

YABU. It's not her fault if you are indiscreet.

Just never say anything on here that you wouldn't say in RL. Anyone could be reading it.

TrillianAstra Sun 27-Sep-09 20:57:17

Violated is ridiculous a bit strong.

Inclined to be more careful about what you post? Maybe.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Sun 27-Sep-09 20:57:41

Sorry, cross posted. Latin- fortunately I didn't bitch, I just wrote what she'd done and everyone else on here bitched about her grin so I suppose I'm vaguely safe on that one, but I have talked fanny farts and piles and whinged about my lovely DH from time to time.... eek.

onepieceoflollipop Sun 27-Sep-09 20:58:48

If you have posted something (for example) whilst under the influence/particularly revealing/that you regret, then hit the red ! at the end of the line alongside your posting name.

I tend to post a lot in chat, which disappears after 90 days anyway.

SardineQueen Sun 27-Sep-09 21:00:02

Just namechange and carry on regardless grin

If you know who she is though, I wonder if you should tell her? I know people have different opinions about should you or shouldn't you, but it's worth having a think about. You dont have to tell her who you are. If you say you'd rather not say she will understand. I would want to know if it were me.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Sun 27-Sep-09 21:03:59

Well I haven't come across her on here, but I'm not very observant, I assume I don't know anyone. But she used some lingo on FB that was clear MN lingo and I suddenly thought ooooooooooooooh crap- on the laptop all the time, uses the lingo, gets irritated over small things- she's a MNer!!

SardineQueen Sun 27-Sep-09 21:08:00

Oh i see - you know she's on MN but you don't know her MN name, and you don't know if she even knows you are on MN and if she did whether she has spotted you.

Don't worry about it is my advice grin

namechange is always refreshing though, especially if you want to carry on chatting about piles in an unfettered fashion.

BitOfFun Sun 27-Sep-09 21:12:18

Violated? I save that kind of language for unfortunate incidents involving root vegetables. YABU.

LatinDAISYcal Sun 27-Sep-09 21:12:34

ah well at least your conscience is clear on that score grin

I have a couple of friends who are on here and who know my MN name, and also have some MN friends that I see in RL. If you stick by never saying anything here that you wouldn't say in RL then no problem imo.

If you are worried about it though, then namechange and carry on (and spend the next three years wondering of every one you meet on here is your friend wink)

You can maybe try posting something outrageously fabricated and then mention it in RL (I read on the internet......). If she has no idea who you are she might just talk about it, but if she knows it's you she'll keep schtum!

<ok I can see the flaws in that but you get the idea?>

SardineQueen Sun 27-Sep-09 21:22:02

Or have a chat name where you can be free n easy and a piles name where you just nither on about your backside making sure (and this is the tricky bit) that you don't accidentally divulge your full name address and DOB in the posts under that name.

Mermaidspam Mon 28-Sep-09 00:15:28

Ooh! Is it me? I used some MN lingo on FB today! grin

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Mon 28-Sep-09 09:36:20

I love my name too much, I'm McIntyre Mad so I'll just be a little more discreet and a little less paranoid

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