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Or more, is he being unreasonable?

(8 Posts)
LissyGlitter Sun 27-Sep-09 09:14:01

Honestly, I swear my DP is autistic, he seems to have no idea how people will react to him!

We both go on a local forum (it is where we met) where the vast majority of members are our friends and acquaintances. There was a massive problem when we got together as several of the members, one woman in particular, are friends with DPs ex (who is a member, but doesn't use the forum, and hasn't posted for about five years or so) and they didn't think i should refer to my then pregnancy in case DPs ex read it and was upset. They had separated before I even met him, so I didn't see why I couldn't mention morning sickness or such.

Anyway, there were massive problems, most of which I seemed to take the brunt of at a time when i was very vulnerable. At the time we suspected the main woman of being jealous as she kept saying that I was having the child that DPs ex really wanted, even though his ex had repeatedly told him she didn't want children, and surely if she wanted kids she would have mentioned it to her husband? Whereas the woman harassing me is in her mid 40s with no sign of a serious relationship and seems very broody.

Saying that, since then, me and the said woman have got chatting on the forum and she even apologised for some of the way she treated me. So, not exactly best mates, but at least I could get on with my life.

Until yesterday. I got chatting on the forum with some of the other women who have had kids about the maternity care in America compared to here. One of the more immature boys on the forum started a new thread called the "gross girls thread" and told us to keep all reference to our disgusting bodies in there. Obviously we ignored this. The woman I was talking about added that she agreed that we should keep it in the specified thread. (We were only talking in one thread to start with, it just wasn't clearly labelled for those revolted by women).

I just ignored this, and the conversation moved on anyway.

Later on, DP went on the forum, and said the boy was scared of girls (fair enough) and that the woman was just miffed about her own decreasing fertility. I read it over his shoulder and said it might not be a good idea to post it, but he said it would be ok, as it was just a joke, and the woman tends to be quite good natured about jokes about her age (she is easily double the average age of the forum).

The woman is now really, really offended. She is denying that she is in fact miffed about her decreasing fertility, but is certainly acting like the opposite is true.

I think she is over-reacting, although I also think that DP should have thought before posting. Am I right?

What can I do to avoid world war three breaking out again?

Good god, it's like school.

dearprudence Sun 27-Sep-09 09:27:22

Yes, he is BU. What a mean thing to say to someone you suspect really is broody. And you let him do it.

It sounds like a horrible forum, tbh.

LissyGlitter Sun 27-Sep-09 09:37:47

He really can't see how that could be offensive though. He wasn't even drunk! TBH similar things have been said in the past to other members of the forum and they have taken it as a joke. I did try to tell him not to do it, but I didn't think it would be a big deal so when he went ahead, I thought no more of it. The woman has said far worse to me in her quest to make me ashamed of being an unmarried mother, most of which I have ignored in an attempt to not provoke her, but DP doesn't see why we should "tiptoe round" her.

BTW, the woman used to be DPs best mate, he even wanted her as his best man at his first wedding. So I kind of thought he knew where her "line" was better than me.

famishedass Sun 27-Sep-09 09:43:55

I agree with dearprudence, it sounds like a horrible forum.

WebDude Sun 27-Sep-09 09:55:08

"he even wanted her as his best man at his first wedding"

Huh? Did I read that right?

We're not talking anything about gender reassignment, so how would she be a best man ?

Time for me to get a cup of coffee, maybe, must be half asleep from going to bed rather late!

As for the lad writing about "gross girls thread" - what was the thread you were on called? Was it at all 'gross' (eg TMI ?)

thesecondcoming Sun 27-Sep-09 10:04:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

colditz Sun 27-Sep-09 10:08:09


get out more.

bratley Sun 27-Sep-09 10:28:16

He shouldn't have said it, that was a horrible thing to say. Even if he knows the woman really well that is still a horrid thing to say.

Things are often taken out of context in forums (we should all know! grin), could you not all meet face to face if you're all local?
Go to the pub and clear the air?
You can either sort it out and move on or just stay away, if there are issues between you, your DP and this woman, maybe you'd be better off just not talking to her? On a forum or in RL.

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