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to demand DH gets out of bed even though he has an ear infection...?

(14 Posts)
LJAM Sun 27-Sep-09 08:02:30

DH went to work every day last week, staying past 8pm each night, despite complaining bitterly of feeling ill and refusing to see doc ("I'm busy, I don't have time..."). He even went to the football on wed night.

Yesterday I left him to sleep in. On getting up at 11am, he decides he needs to see emergency doctor. Doc confirms he has ear infection and gives antibiotics. DH goes back to bed for rest of day, asking me to sleep in spare room ("I'm contagious and don't want to pass it to you..."). DS, who only sees his father at weekends, spends whole day asking where daddy is.

I'm 6 weeks pregnant after a miscarriage recently and am feeling very anxious about scan on wed. Also feeling v tired (full-time job, demanding boss, keen to make most of time with DS). Would love to put myself to bed for the day...!

comewhinewithme Sun 27-Sep-09 08:07:06

Sorry you have had such a tough time lately but I do think yabu.
Ear infections are vile and all you will end up with is a grumpy DH.
I know it is a PITA my DP has had a cold all week but he convinces himself t is flu unless he wants to do something he enjoys then it is back to "just a cold" hmm.
He is in bed now I am up with 6 dc the period from hell and a baby who will not get off my boob.

comewhinewithme Sun 27-Sep-09 08:07:35

Good Luck with the scan BTW.

bigchris Sun 27-Sep-09 08:07:44

i can see where your coming from
it is so frustrating when the working parent can have sick days but sahms never get one
hopefully he'll get up today
ear infections are so painful and he has been working hard
do you family or friends who could help you out with ds?
congrats on the pregnancy xxx

mumblechum Sun 27-Sep-09 08:10:44

I think if he's managed to drag himself into work all week he's entitled to crash out and hopefully recover at the weekend.

ScummyMummy Sun 27-Sep-09 08:51:33

Does he really need to work till 8 every night? I know some people genuinely do but others, usually but not always blokes, use it as an excuse to avoid the mundane and stressful evening times at home, ime. Hard stuff to deal with emotionally like miscarriage, pregnancy etc can be a catalyst for this sort of behaviour, I reckon. Sounds like he may be generally avoiding some of the difficult routine bits of family life to me, whatever the rights and wrongs of the particular situation now he has an ear infection. I would feel resentful too if it is the case that you both work full time but only you are pulling your weight at home? I think the fact that you seem to have little sympathy for him in his ear infection woe(nad seem to even suspect malingering at some level!) may point to this?

MovingOutOfBlighty Sun 27-Sep-09 08:54:23

Sorry but I would be so upset if my DH had your attitude if it were the other way around. He is ill. He had the emergency doctor out.
Sorry about your MC, I can understand why you are worried but I do think if the poor guy has been slogging to work all week then the least you could do is give him a day off.

He can make it up to you next weekend. And frankly, it sounds as though you are trying to do far too much. Any way you could have a 'duvet day' off work tomorrow. Presumably your ds will be in nursery or something so you could then get a rest.

Do you really want an ill, grumpy DH around you all day?

SoupDragon Sun 27-Sep-09 08:56:37

You are pregnant, not ill.
Your DH is ill.

Ear infections are utterly cr*p.

Hope the scan goes well on Weds.

MovingOutOfBlighty Sun 27-Sep-09 09:00:53

Sorry - just read that back and I sound incredibly unsympathetic.

You are going through that awful totally exhausted stage of PG where everything is a slog. i can't believe you have to work FT on top of it.
Have you any friends or relatives who could help with your dc today and give you a day off?

I just don't think the solution is getting your Dh to help.

diddl Sun 27-Sep-09 09:02:06

YABU.

Even without the ear infection, it sounds as if hubby would need a rest.

All the best for Weds.

CyradisTheSeer Sun 27-Sep-09 09:05:48

Message withdrawn

BecauseImWorthIt Sun 27-Sep-09 09:06:10

Oh dear! I think you both deserve a lie in!

I can see your side of things, but I can also see your DH's side of things too.

But have you told him how you feel, rather than venting on here? Nothing wrong with venting on here, but if you don't tell him how you're feeling you can't really expect him to do anything. He's feeling crap now, and I think we all tend to be selfish when we're feeling ill.

ANd sometimes, IME, men don't notice the bleedin' obvious - it has to be pointed out to him. You may appear to be calm on the outside - he may have no idea how anxious you are about your scan.

Talk to him.

And good luck with the scan, btw!

HecatesTwopenceworth Sun 27-Sep-09 09:46:11

I've had an ear infection. A really bad one. pus and blood and pounding! I've also had 2 10 and a half pound babies.

The ear infection hurt more!!!! grin

When he's better, you can get a lie in, get him to pamper you. But for right now, let him rest. Do only what you have to, don't kill yourself running around! But let the anti-biotics kick in and he'll be fine.

Tell him how you are feeling. It is totally understandable how you feel about the scan. He's your husband. If you can't share your fears with him, who can you share them with?

LJAM Sun 27-Sep-09 12:03:06

Thanks all of you for the honest opinions. You're right, I am being a bit unfair on him. He needs time to get better from the ear infection. And then i'll try to persuade him to stay home from work if he's sick rather than leaving it til he gets worse.

Actually, i think this is more about the scan, which is obviously not his fault. He knows i'm worried about it. It was just after this stage last time that i miscarried and they told me at the scan things didn't look v good. Worried they'll either say there's a problem or, like last time, they'll say they don't know for sure and i'll have to come back in a week. Not sure i can get through another week like that. But hey ho, not much anyone can do so just need to sit tight til Wed. And maybe having to occupy ds means i don't have so much time to think about it.

Will let you know how scan goes. Thanks again. DH no doubt v grateful to you all too.

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