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to be hurt and worried my dd called me weird and slow and dh joined in laughing!

(49 Posts)
thickandslow Fri 25-Sep-09 10:35:56

While answering various quesions all at once this am my dd lost her temper with me,said I was incredibly slow and took ages to answer people ~because I'm weird and slow and everyone says so!

I asked dh to tell her not to be rude and he said I was like that woman on the last series of the apprentice[plain with glasses an a bit irritating] who was described as a "slow burner"!!

I might add I am going back to a profeesional career on monday and have been a SAHM for years ~ so cheers guys !!

giveloveachance Fri 25-Sep-09 10:39:51

YANBU

I hope you said first to your DD that she was not to be rude, and told your DH the same!

They both owe you an apology.

And if he says it was a joke - it is only a joke if both people are laughing.

thickandslow Fri 25-Sep-09 10:40:52

professional damn have not got my glasses on lol

oh dear grin

Doodlez Fri 25-Sep-09 10:42:58

That's just plain unkind. Your DH is being a bigger dope than that woman on the Apprentice ever was.

DD - tell her you found her comments hurtful and ask her - "Would she want to be friends with someone like herself?"

Do not let this silliness dent your confidence for Monday. You managed perfectly well before you met your DH or gave birth to your DD, and that person that you were is still in there, just waiting to escape. Shoulders back, tits out and head held high!

thickandslow Fri 25-Sep-09 10:48:58

Thanks ~ I know it's silly but I suppose I do feel a bit dozy sometimes ~ but that is because everyone speaks at me all at once expecting instant replies.I also have a cold today.

She is 16 and not in a good mood today.

I expected dh to stick up for me and he said "Stop arguing!" ~ of course she took that to mean me,not her lol and instantly said "Yes stop arguing mum!"
Then when I went upstairs to get something they were both still laughing when I came down.

Sigh

DailyMailNameChanger Fri 25-Sep-09 10:50:22

Thickandslow, YANBU about their behaviour, however, why did you need you dh to tell dd off for being rude? She was being rude, you knew that and so you should have put her straight - aking for approval and /or assitance from your dh undermines your self-confidence in any case, even ifhe didn't respond like an arse!

If I were you I would sit dd down tonight and tell her that she has no right to be so rude to anyone, expecially not her mother and you expect more from her from now on - and lay out what her punishment will be if she does it again, make it harsh enough to sting and something you can stick to no matter what. Demand an apology for this morning.

Then, sit dh down and tell him he was an ignorant twunt, that you are disgusted at being treated like that and any repeat performances whether in private or in front of dd will result in him being kicked into touch super fast - you are not there for abuse and basic level of respect is deserved by everyone whether a work collegue, man in the street or a wife.

thickandslow Fri 25-Sep-09 10:50:43

Also dh compared me to that woman on purpose knowing it was not really a flattering comparison in his eyes.

thickandslow Fri 25-Sep-09 10:53:03

DailyMail ~I did tell her but she continued,so I asked dh to back me up but he joined in.
I will speak to her later.
Dh will just say he was joking.

zazen Fri 25-Sep-09 10:53:53

I think you need to change your name grin

You have a cold. I feel it is a bit insensitive of your DH and DD, but isn't everything always worse when you're feeling under the weather, and better in the morning?

Best of luck going back to work!

thickandslow Fri 25-Sep-09 10:55:59

Thanks smile
It's a new name[ironic grin]

diddl Fri 25-Sep-09 10:57:47

What were the questions, though grin

I had everyone talking at me this morning-where´s this, have you done that..etc..

I put my fingers in my ears and starting "lala-ing" blush

thickandslow Fri 25-Sep-09 10:58:07

They are rotten old meanies with their nasty jokes.
dh is a professional himself but he is always making jokes about people being thick,fat etc ~ when no one else is there of course.

thickandslow Fri 25-Sep-09 11:01:07

diddl I think I listen then pause before deciding who to answer first

"Have you signed my vaccine form?"dd
"Can I have some toast?" ds2
"Where is ds1?" dh

gorionine Fri 25-Sep-09 11:04:04

I am really shocked that your DH could find that funny and at the fact that your DD is 16! Surely et that age you have some sort of grasp on what is a really hurtfull comment?

I agree with posters who say they both need to appologise to you.

You also need to be very clear with DD that it is the LAST time she is so disrespectfull to you!

Zazen, how can it be better in the morning? If OP's DD start seing that her mother does not do anything when insulted (it waws insulting IMHO) she will not stop there.

diddl Fri 25-Sep-09 11:04:40

Your daughter sounds as if she acted like a 16 year old.
Your hubby on the other hand acted horribly/meanly/nastily/like a knöb.....

I think I would have told her that her behaviour/attitude was unacceptable and walked away.

(With my daughter I have to get away before she thinks of a comeback blush)

StableButDeluded Fri 25-Sep-09 11:05:41

YANBU, Your DH should have backed you up in front of your DD. I get muzzy-headed as well when both DH & DS talk at once, both wanting answers straightaway. I cannot 'multi-task' I can just about 'single-task' on some days smile

bitlikeshineydiamond Fri 25-Sep-09 11:08:47

Message withdrawn

StableButDeluded Fri 25-Sep-09 11:08:53

But I am terribly scatty, I have been known to go to weddings & forget the present. And I once left DS outside a shop in his push chair & started walking home before I realised I'd forgotten him blush

I didn't tell DH about that & just put it down to post-pregnancy hormones. But I was a bit shocked at myself.

DailyMailNameChanger Fri 25-Sep-09 11:11:31

T&S, your dh may well say he was joking but it was not a joke, it was a cruel and hurtful thing to say that denotes a complete lack of respect for you and teaches your dd that it is ok to direspect you. Brushing it off as "just a joke, you are being silly" moves it forward into an episode of verbal abuse (ie implying it is your own fault/you are too sensitive/silly are all forms of abuse). I am not saying he is an abusive partner but that situation was an abusive one and he should not be allowed to get away with it IMO.

Put it this way, no partner of mine would have got away with it - but then most partners of mine would know better than to make fun at my expense (possibly one of the reasons I am single) wink grin

Keep your chin up though, a considered response is worth far more than a hurried answer that needs to be back-tracked on later, it will stand you in good stead when you go back to work on Monday - they will cartainly value a person who thinks before they speak! It is a quality I wish I had - I have a large number in my house and have questions fired at me, like you, except I just join in the melee and dash out answers without thinking, leading to even more chaos and confusion!

Niecie Fri 25-Sep-09 11:13:00

You have my sympathy - I get talked at like that - questions fired from all sides although my two are only 9 and 6 and from a DH as well.

My DH would have it in the neck if he told me I was slow and thick and I am sure that he wouldn't let the children talk to me like that. Sounds like your DH has self esteem issues if he is always calling people names.

I think I would occasionally throw my toys out of the pram and say sort it out yourselves and leave them to it. I wouldn't mind betting, like most mothers, you have a lot more balls to juggle than any of them do. Let them try it for a bit (especially DH) and see how they like it.

If they are doing it all the time I think they need telling that it won't be tolerated any more and if they don't like the way you do things to do it themselves.

And demand an apology but don't get all upset whilst doing it - tell they are rude and you deserve better.

Oh and good luck with the job. I bet you will be fab.smile

vacuouslocuous Fri 25-Sep-09 11:17:23

Everyone does things like that (forget presents, I left a tiny DS in a shop and walked out before I remembered about him). The problem is that if someone is telling you you're slow and thick you start believing it yourself, and you obviously have. Stop thinking like that. And don't let them get away with comments like that again. I would speak to both tonight and make sure they realise how hurtful they were and how you won't put up with that sort of commment again.

diddl Fri 25-Sep-09 11:20:01

Yes, that´s the sort of thing I was getting this morning.

The sort of thing they can answer for themselves if they get off their ärses and check!

(doesn´t apply to ds2 in your case)

thickandslow Fri 25-Sep-09 11:22:33

I am quite a single minded focused person ~ possibly I should take on board that sometimes I am thinking about other things when people are speaking to me and drifting off which could be irritating.

Sometimes I do feel it's a struggle to take everything in at once but I have always been like that and I am academically bright it is just the way I am.

dd was being rude,no question.

dh should back me up but if anything he's worse.

diddl I don't tend to take too much notice most of the time but today I gave her a chance to back down a little and she just insisted I was the slowest person in the universe and everyone says so!

megapixels Fri 25-Sep-09 11:24:02

Your dd needs to be taken down a peg or two, who talks to their mother like that anyway? As for your dh, he can laugh now, but the joke will be on him the next time your dd gets impatient with him and doesn't mince her words about what she thinks of him. He needs a serious talking to about letting your dd think that it's ok to talk in such a horrible way.

bitlikeshineydiamond Fri 25-Sep-09 11:26:36

Message withdrawn

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