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to be annoyed DH is changing holiday plans at the last minute

(16 Posts)
Loujalou Thu 24-Sep-09 14:41:51

The last proper holiday we had was over 2 years ago and was our honeymoon.

Since then

I had a premmy baby born 6 weeks early
Suffered post natal depression
Got made redundant
DH got made redundant
DH spent lots of time not looking for a job which when I was working part time was not ideal. Though he did say he wanted to spend more time with us he was out of work for about 8 months
Started a new job
Found out my brother failed a year at uni, got arrested and hid it all from me / the rest of us.

The list probably goes on but thinking I need a holiday. A couple of months ago we both booked the first week of October off and got it signed off. My DH told me at the end of the last week he wanted to postpone the holiday (unlucky for me we were booking last minute) as he was worried about work and getting told off for not doing work whilst he was away. He did say we could go away in November. But have booked holiday with work and childminder.

Also, he was supposed to speak to his boss on Monday but its Thursday and he still hasn't spoken to her. Am slightly annoyed to say the least. Have explained to him that I need a break and have been so excited about it since I booked the time off.

Should I put up a fight or just roll over and take it.

kreecherlivesupstairs Thu 24-Sep-09 14:43:29

Neither, take yourself away. YANBU.

shinyshoes Thu 24-Sep-09 14:46:10

GO GO GO!! By yourself or with him, let him choose!

Loujalou Thu 24-Sep-09 14:50:43

I have told him that already. Wasn't sure if I was being needy female by getting upset with him. Would take my mum with me but we don't always get on. Need to get away though. Have been going on about booking it for weeks.

alicet Thu 24-Sep-09 14:51:01

I don't think you're unreasonable.

But maybe your dh is under more pressure at work than you realise. In view of the amount of stress you are under at the mo he may well be keeping it from you to avoid making it worse.

Will it really be so bad to go only a month later? Presuming of course work and the childminder can be reinstated.

If you really can't face going a month later (or can't make the neccessary arrangements) then think about doing what others suggest and go alone. Or compromise on a long weekend with dh.

But before you do any of these I suggest you sit down and have a good chat with your dh without getting upset about the holiday to see if there is more to it than you think

Loujalou Thu 24-Sep-09 14:56:35

He is stressed with work but keeps it from me. Was not too happy about the situation but don't think its fair that he has had nearly the whole week to speak to his boss and hasn't. He has been working away from home but has spoken to her on phone and there is always e-mail.

My boss and childminder are flexible but not sure I am.

diddl Thu 24-Sep-09 15:12:55

"He was worried about work & getting told off for not doing work whilst away"

Sorry, I don´t get that.
Are work now saying he can´t have the time off or that there will be so much to do when he gets back it´s not worth it?

Loujalou Thu 24-Sep-09 18:47:14

There are projects that need to be completed tho he reckons there won't be so much critical stuff next month.

diddl Thu 24-Sep-09 18:53:17

And if he doesn´t complete the projects is there a penalty for the firm?

How long ahs he known about the projects?

If he hasn´t been in the job long/still on probation, it might be better if he gets the projects completed before a holiday.

FiveGoMadonTheDanceFloor Thu 24-Sep-09 18:55:39

Take yourself and DC on holiday without him.

EightiesChick Thu 24-Sep-09 20:38:20

I would maybe agree to postpone IF he agrees to you booking the holiday immediately, so that then it is booked and there's no going back. Are you afraid he may have another reason to postpone in Nov? Or do you really feel you can't go on much longer and need a break right now?

littleducks Thu 24-Sep-09 20:44:59

I totally understand why you are irritated, but if he is in a new job and has been already made redundant previously i think he is being reasonable too

Either you should go alone for a break or postpone,

could you perhaps just take one day off work and have a long weekend>?

Loujalou Thu 24-Sep-09 20:58:23

I was really excited about a holiday. Might get him to book it now so we can go definitely. He says end of month would be better and he is worried about job.

He was made redundant from a large bank that went bust so wasn't his fault it was beyond his control. In fact before the bank went bust and they were looking at redundancies they were going to keep on as he was really valued.

fishie Thu 24-Sep-09 21:03:50

my sympathies - i have had very few holidays in my life with dh becuase he is self employed and can only go last minute, i have to give eons of notice at my work.

i also know how horrible it is to be disappointed when you have got so close.

talk to him, ask whether he would prefer you to take the hol now without, or if he can happily take time off soon. you might find he isn't really sure about november either.... and, however badly wanted, a holiday isn't worth losing a job over.

groundhogs Thu 24-Sep-09 21:10:33

OFGS, it's a HOLIDAY... with everything that you have been through OP, a holiday at all is a massive achievement.

He's not cancelling it, he's postponing it. He's still traumatised from losing the other job, and however you felt he didn't actively look for a job, it still took him 8 months to get another one, that's horrific..

If it has to move, so move it, it's not the end of the world. If it's not already booked, and therefore you are not actually losing any money in moving it, what's the problem?

If you aren't being a little understanding with your DP about this, then it seems tome YABU.

As for those of you that say stuff him and bugger off on your own... what silly advice...

Loujalou Thu 24-Sep-09 22:21:28

Look am being understanding. For me a holiday is really important and my husband knows that. To get away from England or just my house for more than a few days.

He has said we can book holiday at the weekend for the end of the month. So as long as he does that I am happy. Well not happy but less argumentative. If he was having doubts then it would have been nice of him to tell me earlier in the day but its done now.

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