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To be peeved with dp?

(13 Posts)
Pinkmist Thu 24-Sep-09 08:56:50

Okay, so I have two ds. 4 and 16 months. Up untill last week I just worked 8 hours over Saturday and Sunday in a busy phone shop.

Last week I started a new job and am in training at the minute, it's quite intense and is 5 till 10pm Monday to Friday. On top of this I'm still workng my weekend job till the end of October.

The problem is, I am soooo tired! Ds's get up at 7 every morning. I manage a half hour sit down at about one when ds1 is at nursery and ds2 is napping. I use this time for my lunch and then get the house work done.then when ds1 gets home it's a mad rush to get the boys in to the car and get to work to do a swap with dp in the car park. (we work at the same company, he has a much higher job though)
when I come home dp has fed the boys, possibly (if lucky) bathed one of them, and put them to bed. End of. No dishes done, washing left in machine that I'd popped on earlier before I left, clothes lying around, and bath water and toys still in bath.
By now I'm so tired to deal with it, so I have to do it all in the morning.
By the morning I feel like the living dead, and he wants sex at like 6.45! So he gets huffy when I say no, and god forbid if I say I'm tired, cause he's always so much more tired! It's like he won't accept I'm struggling with everything. And if I point out anything he snaps that my two jobs together don't make up a full time job.
At weekends if I say I want a lie in, he huffs and puffs and is up every 5 minutes seeing if I'm getting up yet. If the situation is reversed I leave him to sleep till hAlf 10 cause then I need to get ready for work.
Everyone else understands I must be tired and ask how I'm coping, but to dp, it's a big compitition.
I should say I've been to the dr before about my tiredness, because it's so bad, but he basicly sent me on my way because I had ds2 with me and he was chatting so dr said he couldn't concentrate and to leave ds2 at home next time! I complained, but they sided with the dr......

diddl Thu 24-Sep-09 09:18:21

Well, you´re effectively working full time plus doing all/most of the house work.

I suggest you tell hubby exactly what you want doing in the evening.

Do you have to keep your weekend job so long?

Re the Dr-complain!
Not everyone has somewhere to leave a young child when they have a Drs appointment.

Pinkmist Thu 24-Sep-09 09:19:54

Forgot to say, at weekends dp takes tge boys to his mums and she does the bulk of looking after them, or she takes them out. And on a Fridays to his aunties, where ds1 plays in the room withcousinsxand she plays with ds2 while he smokes and reads the paper with acup of tea!

MissAnneElk Thu 24-Sep-09 09:25:25

Write a list of what you do on a typical day and sit down with your DP and show him exactly why you are so tired. Do you have a good relationship with his Mum? Would she speak to him about it? Maybe she could be 'busy' this weekend and say he can't come round so he gets a true taste of how exhausting young children are to look after.

Pinkmist Thu 24-Sep-09 09:25:44

God I've tried. Sometimes i'd love to be a man!
That's what I said, but since that dr is head of the practice I don't think I had a leg to stand on!

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Thu 24-Sep-09 09:29:01

Well your dp sounds like a bit of a cock, to be honest. He sounds like my dh, that's how I know - can recognise it a mile off! wink

For us it was the washing up, I have 2 dc, 2 and a half and 7 months, and I do pretty much everything in the house as I'm on mat leave. The washing up was the only thing I asked dh to do, while I put the babies to bed. But every time I came downstairs the kitchen still looked like shit, or he'd done it so badly I had to do it again. angry

It got so bad between us we went to Relate. We managed to talk out our issues, and sorted out through our issues - which obviously were a lot deeper than the housework!

I put a list on the kitchen wall of the jobs that need doing of an evening, and eventually (it took time) things have got better.

I really hate the competitive tiredness thing, dh and i do it too. Of course the fact that he works full time OHM trumps anything I do, but then I think the fact that I'm nursing trumps anything he does! wink I think you and your dp need to have a good chat about the things that are bothering you, try not to let it fall into a row, or start accusing him of being lazy or whatever. It's so hard, it sounds like you're working all hours - do you get any time to do anything for you, that isn't working or looking after children?

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Thu 24-Sep-09 09:31:27

Also, get writing to your PCT about that knobjockey GP. Shocking behaviour!

There should be a practice manager who is separate from the dr's. Ask who that is - the GP is not the end of the line as far as complaints go. I'm very angry on your behalf on that - how dare he say that!? What if you had PND and had nowhere else to put your lo? That would have just about tipped me over the edge when I was in the throes of PND. angry

Pinkmist Thu 24-Sep-09 09:33:56

At the minute no. When I can give up my weekend job things will be easier. And when I finish my training my shift will be 6-11, so I'll at least have time for dinner!
I like the term 'toss wank' for him x

FabBakerGirlIsBack Thu 24-Sep-09 09:38:25

Prioritise what needs doing for the kids, you and the house. Shame you have no time/energy left to do his washing, cooking, shagging, etc.

Your GP is a prat, see someone else for blood tests.

Pinkmist Thu 24-Sep-09 09:39:08

Apparentlyy ds2 was loud and that makes it hard for gps to concentrate.
He was in his buggy saying quack quack, woof woof.
He's an old grump of man. Next time I'll het a babysitter somehow and just tell him I'd left him home alone so he could concentrate!
In the end he said I was tired cause I have 2 children.
It's more than that. I'm so tired all the time. All I can think about Is when I can next go to sleep, even when I'm just up, andbi feel sobweak. I'm in my early 20's and I feel like an old lady!

MagNacarta Thu 24-Sep-09 09:46:31

A lot of couples do competative tiredness, we used to and my dh is very hands-on. It's just that life is bloody hard and you both want a rest and someone to stroke you and say there there. In the end we talked about it and agreed that we it was difficult for both of us in different ways and we had to appreciate it. So the deal was that we would ask each other what we could do to help. Simple and effective because sometimes all I wanted was him to empty the dishwasher and all he wanted was a soak in the bath with no interuptions. It meant we worked together and because we stopped resenting each other the bedroom shenanigans came back into the picture.

Our youngest is now 6, so it's all a lot easier now, but we have great foundations and often pat ourselves on the back when we think back to the baby/toddler years.

StillSquiffy Thu 24-Sep-09 10:03:01

Get yourself a reward chart, stick it on the fridge and list down all the chores - put washing out, clean bath, wash dishes. Then give him a star for each chore he completes and tell him when he gets 5 stars you'll give him a blowjob.

Simples.

See most men already instinctively know this, you just have to train the ones that don't.

You should also tell him that you 10 stars gives him the right to hide the chart when his mum visits.

diddl Thu 24-Sep-09 10:17:35

Soyou do all the childcare, work fulltime & do all the housework?

Can your hubby not see that that`s fücking ridiculous.

And I´d have to tell him that if he wants sex in the morning, then he needs to do something so that you´re not too tired to want/enjoy it!

As for the time he spends at rellies dossing when he could be out with his children enjoying them, words fail me, TBH.

I think these people need to suddenly be unavailabe as the are helping him be a lazy söd.

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