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To let DD1 miss 3 months of school to go and film??

(50 Posts)
LovingTheRain Wed 23-Sep-09 12:08:15

DD1 has been told she's got the part for something she auditioned for recently. It would mean her being out of school for three 3months ( and maybe more if it runs over).

She will be tutored on set so she won't actually miss out on her education. She's just started year 7 at secondary school.
The school have agreed that she can have the time off and are going to liaise with the tutors on set so that she stays up to date with everything.

We've accepted the part and contracts etc are being sorted out at the moment.

AIBU to let her do this? As long as she's happy etc then that's all I care about, but part of me can't help feeling that she's too young to be away from home for 3 months. ( We will get to see her during that time but she won't actually be home for more than 1/2 days at a time).
She'll be chaperoned with the other children who are part of it so she won't be on her own but No idea who by or whether they'll be nice, but I have been assured they will be 'lovely' and are CRB checked grin

Feeling a bit teary which is stupid I know. If I didn't have three other DCs I would go with her but I can't

AIBU for having a tiny part of me not wanting her to go?? blush

famishedass Wed 23-Sep-09 12:12:07

I'll be honest, if I couldn't accompany my kid on set I wouldn't let them go. I'd be too worried about the kind of low-lifes hanging around them. Think Drew Barrymore.

Can you all go? Can your dh go?

Definately not worth it in my opinion.

LovingTheRain Wed 23-Sep-09 12:16:25

I don't think we could all go as it would mean pulling the other three out of school

The only other options are for me to go with DD1 and let DH look after the other three. My parents live locally and could help etc but I worry they'll think I've abandoned them or that I won't come back!

DD1 has done filming before and been chaparoned, but not for longer than 5 days.

MmeLindt Wed 23-Sep-09 12:19:38

I would let her go. How far away is it? Could you get your parents to come a day or two a week so you could go there, at least for the first week or two so that you can see for yourslef how it is all set up.

Year 7, that means she is 12?

BroccoliSpears Wed 23-Sep-09 12:20:33

I don't know how old year 7 is. How old is she?

GrapefruitMoon Wed 23-Sep-09 12:21:48

I think you have to ask yourself how would you feel about your dd going to boarding school and not even coming home at weekends - because that is similar to what she would be doing.

Is this something she desperately wants to do herself? If so and she will be fine about being away from home, then it's just your own feelings you have to deal with!

I would also be slightly concerned about the stage she is at school - if she is away for 3 months friendship groups may have already formed and she might find it hard to fit in when she gets back - would probably be easier from that pov if it was at the end of the school year rather than the start...

hannahsaunt Wed 23-Sep-09 12:37:22

How often does a chance like this come along? How would she feel if you turned around and said no now? It's not at a crucial exam stage and in the great scheme of things not that long esp with email, texts, skype etc. You may not be able to go for the whole three months but could probably go for a couple of days every fortnight? Be creative - work it out! It'll be good grin.

AMumInScotland Wed 23-Sep-09 12:41:47

I would let her go - if it's something she's keen to do, it will be a great opportunity for her. I imagine it would have something in common with bordaing school - there will presumably be a group of children, not just her?

There are lots of rules about child protection on film sets etc these days, so I'm sure she'll be well looked after.

itsbeingsocheerful Wed 23-Sep-09 12:52:44

Assuming this something she really wants to do, and you don't sound like a stage mum - Let her go.

Now, is everyone else being really polite, or am I just really nosey... What is she filming and just as importantly who with? You can tell us, MNers are very discreet.

twirlymum Wed 23-Sep-09 12:53:44

If she is to have a tutor on set, she'll be getting more one-to-one teaching, which is good!
Think of the experience long term, how fantastic to have that opportunity. If she's filmed before, she;ll know all about the long boring bits between takes etc. Is she the only child in the film?
Education isn't all about school - life experience is equally important.
Well done to her for getting the part - let us know when it's out smile

twirlymum Wed 23-Sep-09 12:54:51

Sorry, just re-read OP. If there are other children, then chances are she'll make some friends there.

flowerybeanbag Wed 23-Sep-09 12:57:19

YANBU for feeling teary and for a bit of you not wanting her to go.

But if at all possible, you should let her go. With a combination of your DH and your parents helping out, you should be able to go and see her quite a lot.

It's a fantastic opportunity for her, and don't people say you only regret the things you don't do, and the opportunities you don't take rather than the other way round?

corriefan Wed 23-Sep-09 13:04:36

If she really wants to go then she should definitely go. It will be an amazing experience I'm sure.

PlumBumMum Wed 23-Sep-09 13:11:04

Agree with Hannahsaunt opportunities like this don't come along all the time,

and as MmeLindt says could you not go for the first couple of weeks?

ThingOne Wed 23-Sep-09 13:11:35

I like to think I'd try to find away to let my DCs do this if they wanted to.

Can she maybe send the rest of her class a regular bulletin so they don't forget about her?

mollyroger Wed 23-Sep-09 13:17:39

do you suppose emma watson regrets being away filming harry potter?

If this is truly important to your dd, then this could be her career starting She will be very well looked after on set - my MIL who is a teacher has done film chaperoning and teaching and the children have a fab time.

Agree though, the start of yr 7 is awkward. It depends on hwether she already has firm friends with her at secondary from primary though, rather than her going away now and not having chance to make any friends iyswim.

bigchris Wed 23-Sep-09 13:19:46

i was going to ask if its a HP film?

goingtohaveagoodnightssleep Wed 23-Sep-09 13:22:05

I would let her go, both of you will probably regret it if you don't. I would try to spend as much time as possible with her when she is filming, if some of the other children are there without parents too she won't feel so alone. Well done to her for getting the part!

Morloth Wed 23-Sep-09 13:23:47

Let her go, but I would be trying to swing it so one of us could be there at least once a week or so, just to keep half an eye on things.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 23-Sep-09 13:27:59

The school has agreed.

Your DD wants to do it.

So it is your feelings getting in the way. That is fine but work out each reservation you have and try and tackle them.

Education - one to one tuition - a fabulous opportunity.

Working - an excellent work experience time to see if she wants to do this as her career.

Independence - she will learn to depend on herself more and will grow up a little.

Visits - let her come home whenever she can and wants too though be prepared if she wants to stay with her new friends.

Contact - take it in turns for you and DH to visit as well as other family members, or get them to stay with the children at home so you can visit your acting daughter.

I am sure she will have a better time than you but you will be fine

pixiblue Wed 23-Sep-09 13:29:04

If it was my daughter I'd do my best to allow her to go if it was something she really wanted to do. I missed two months schooling in Year 8 to travel around India with my dad, with school's blessing and settled back in fine when I came back.

It's possibly a once in a lifetime opportunity and whilst feeling teary is very natural, you must be so proud. smile <<pixi fondly reminisces over past child acting parts, wishing she'd had such an opportunity>>

LovingTheRain Wed 23-Sep-09 13:32:13

Thank-you for the advice all

She is so excited to go, I've already said she can and Dh agrees grin

She's been at school a few weeks now. She's 11 but will be 12 this academic year. She has friends, mostly the same from primary as many moved up together so I'm not worried about her being left out. May have to get her this mobile she's been desperate for now so I her friends can keep in contact.

Thanks for the suggestions of me maybe going with her for the first week or two etc. I think that would be a good idea for my peace of mind if nothing else grin

itsbeingsocheerful - I can't say yet what she's going to in or who with as might give it away and we're not meant to talk about anything yet as certain people involved haven't officially signed onto it yet. As soon as we can, I'll be the proud mummy and telling people about it!! grin

LovingTheRain Wed 23-Sep-09 13:33:50

X posts FabBakerGirlIsBack grin You're right, it's just my feelings and not hers! But i'll work through it. ( Probably come and moan on MN!! grin)

pagwatch Wed 23-Sep-09 13:38:29

My DS1 did this but for weeks ratherthan months. I was on set with him all the time and actually they ended up giving small scenes to DS2 and DD as well.
It was a fantastic experience for DS1 who remains in contact with the Director and Producers.
Although he has refused subsequent offers as he does not want to be in front ofthe camera , he is interested in writing and direction and film work remains on his list of possible career options.
I think had he been a startstruck wannabe x-factor type I would have refused.(there was one of those on set and equally pushy mum and it was grim to watch) But it was something he wanted to experience once the offer was made so I was happy.

Just ensure that she understands the way that the tutoring.visits etc will work and if she wants to you should let her go. The alternative is to let your misgivings deny her this oppertunity - which she may find hard to forgive. If there is no REAL concern then let her go.

(plus I was looked after by gorgeous runner who was actor in waiting and is actually this lovely man. Several of the happiest weeks of my life. And I still have his number....)

GypsyMoth Wed 23-Sep-09 13:44:06

well,yes,great. all good.

sorry,but weren't you planning on moving,from your other thread this week? was that you? with the,er,other problems?

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