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lack of effort

(17 Posts)
sundaymorning Tue 22-Sep-09 11:49:08

Ok, general whinge on the way here so if you are sitting comfortably I will try and keep itbrief...

1)AIBU to think that when asked what I wanted for my birthday, I suggested vouchers from a store 10 mins walk from both our houses, she said "oh, will I have to go and get you the vouchers then? Can I just give you the money? Actually I have your bank details, I'll send the money over the internet." Is it just me or was it just too much effort for my birthday to go and buy vouchers, drop them in on her way homw which is past my house? Sorry to seem ungrateful as she is offering me a present but felt a little deflated that it seemed all a bit too much trouble and effort for her.

2)I am quite unwell with undiagnosed neurological problem since March, suddenly walk with frame, unable to drive or work, am single mum to 10 and 7 yr old. Legs and hips don't work properly and occassionally I lock up, muscle spasms leave me unable to move. Last week this happened on stairs, sat stuck for half hour so got kids to grab mobile and I rung brother to ask for a hand. Sent sister in law round who helped me to get back up stairs and into bed and she left. No phone call later to check if I was ok, needed any help with kids etc. Managed to get downstairs and do them tea later but was in pain and scared. AIBU to expect just a call to check i was ok? Least I would have done if it was the other way round.

3)In process of choosing senior school for eldest. Told ex when open evenings were but he's arranged to go away with girlfriend to visit her family now so not coming. Sad he was not interested enough to come and see new schools with son. AIBU?

sundaymorning Tue 22-Sep-09 11:50:22

Sorry, first one is about my mum, didn't make that clear...

kreecherlivesupstairs Tue 22-Sep-09 11:55:05

OK, number one - a tiny bit U, what difference does it make if it is vouchers or cold hard cash.
Number two - YANBU
Number three - YANBU, if he chooses to act like a complete prick that's his choice.

GirlsAreLOud Tue 22-Sep-09 11:56:55


hullygully Tue 22-Sep-09 11:58:26

You are feeling very unloved and alone. I send you love and peace vibes.

mazzystartled Tue 22-Sep-09 12:00:11

1. yabu, i expect she will still get you a card? if you wanted effort, then you should have set the target higher wink
2.yanbu, but are you one of life's copers/give the appearance of everything being cool and generally get on with stuff? I have only just learned for myself to ask for help when I need it.
3. yanbu in the slightest.

sundaymorning Tue 22-Sep-09 12:02:10

Yeah, ok, being over sensitive about no 1. If it were me, giving a gift even if it were cash or vouchers, I would have popped it in a card...just made a little effort. I think if I send her £20 via internet banking on her birthday and say, go spend that on something she may find it a little lacking somehow - it's not about the cash is it? But fair play, not really a big deal.

ReneRusso Tue 22-Sep-09 12:06:22

1) YANBU. Its not asking much. My mum is a bit like this though. Still no present 2 months after birthday. And she never wraps anything up.

2) YANBU. That's awful. Do your B and Sil realise how ill you are or think you're exaggerating?

3) YAB a bit U. Doesn't necessarily mean he is not interested, maybe he just couldn't arrange his holiday any other time. There is usually more than one opening evening or maybe your DS could ask him to have a look through the prospectuses with him.

sundaymorning Tue 22-Sep-09 12:09:10

Mazzystartled - yep, am one of lifes copers. The fact I was physically stuck on the stairs, took 20 mins to get me into my bedroom while clearly in pain and struggling to I really need to ask for someone to phone back later and check I'm ok?

mazzystartled Tue 22-Sep-09 12:16:41

i said yanbu, and you're not.

but some people are so busy concentrating on themselves that they don't really recognise when other people are struggling. especially if you're not the sort to make a fuss. sometimes you just have to let people know you need them and how

sundaymorning Tue 22-Sep-09 12:17:21

Can you tell I'm high on PMT today?!! Sorry, am in top ranting mood...grrrrrrrrrrrr.

sundaymorning Tue 22-Sep-09 12:20:46

Sorry mazzystartled, i do see what you mean, didn't mean to sound so grumpy at you.

ChunkyMonkeysMum Tue 22-Sep-09 12:21:51

I don't think you are being unreasonable with any of the 3 things you told us about.

1) - She's your mum FGS, and it's not like the store is very far !!! Does she drive ? If so, perhaps it might've been nice for her to offer to take you to the store to choose something, so that you don't have to go by yourself when you get the cash/vouchers.

2) - I would definitely have rung in this situation.

3) - He's the child's Dad, he should be there for something as important as choosing a secondary school.

I really feel for you.


posieparker Tue 22-Sep-09 12:51:20

YANBU, you seem to be surrounded by selfish people. get yourself some decent friends.

sundaymorning Tue 22-Sep-09 12:57:42

Thank you chunkymonkeysmum. It's no 3 which I'm most upset about, just feel unreasonably angry when I feel my kids get less than first place in ex's life. Choosing a school is a big deal, it's all the kids are talking about and I would have liked ex to have taken part or at least shown our son he was interested. There are other times parents can get tours but ex said he's not bothered and I can decide.

groundhogs Wed 23-Sep-09 01:00:20

YANBU on any point at all... hugs for you too! Feel better eh?

valhala Wed 23-Sep-09 01:20:34

Hun, if your ex said he is not bothered about DCs school choices then he is BU, you're not. (And yes, as another poster put it, he's being a prick!).

Clearly you care about your DC and will chose the best school... look at it this way, when you have done so only YOU can take the credit. My ex has had no involvement in my children's upbringing or schooling and that makes me very sad, at times to the point of tearful, but at least when I get complimented as a mum for their good manners or abilities I know that only they and I deserve it and that the ex, for all he boasts about them in the pub to his friends, had no part in making them what they are.

In time your DC will know too that he has his Mum to thank for his education and wellbeing and your ex will be the loser.

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