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to want DS to stay at home with DH while I am away this weekend?

(38 Posts)
woozlet Tue 22-Sep-09 09:56:27

I feel like IABU, but here goes -

I am going to oxford this weekend to visit my best friend. DS (7 months) is staying at home with DH. Last night DH informed me that on friday night they would be staying at MILs. I would rather that they were at home to keep DS in exactly the same routine etc while I am away, as he is just starting to get to that clingy stage. Plus I have other reasons -

1) The travel cot mattress at MILs is rock hard. I have had to take DS in with me when staying there before as he's woken up.

2) MIL is quite overbearing and she will see this as her perfect opportunity to take over for a day. The first squeak DS makes she will be in the room going 'I'll take him' and telling DH to have a long lie. Then she doesn't seem to understand that babies get bored sometimes.

Anyway, AIBU to want them to stay at home while I am away?? I don't feel like I can actually tell DH he can't go or anything like that, but I have already stated that I'd rather they didn't go and stay there overnight....

ilove Tue 22-Sep-09 09:57:26

Sorry yes YABU!

potplant Tue 22-Sep-09 10:00:56


One night away wont kill his routine.

woozlet Tue 22-Sep-09 10:01:57

Thought I might be. Just feel like I am going to worry now more than I would have if he had been staying at home. it's hard enough to go away from my baby as it is.

flowerybeanbag Tue 22-Sep-09 10:12:11

YABU, one night away won't hurt his routine as potplant says. Has he never been away from home before, on holiday or to family or friends?

If the travel cot mattress is too hard, that's a problem that needs solving, not a reason never to stay at MILs. Get DH to put a towel under the sheet or something, or get a new mattress. We used a sheepskin under the sheet for DS when he was little.

Can't see anything wrong with MIL spending time with DS either and giving your DH a lie-in, unless she isn't really known to him.

colditz Tue 22-Sep-09 10:14:11

YABU - it doesn't sound like you have anything to 'worry' about, just that you will find it harder to picture exactly where your child is and what he will be doing at all times.

tobago04 Tue 22-Sep-09 10:16:30

What is it with men and taking their dcs to their mums as soon as they they have to be solely responsable for them? I know a few dads that do this

Devendra Tue 22-Sep-09 10:18:27

YABU.. our travel cot mattress is hard, I just use the one out of the usual cot. Go and have fun and stop being a control freak.

Pikelit Tue 22-Sep-09 10:19:59

YABU, I'm afraid. Small children benefit no end from learning that different routines exist in different family homes. The mattress thing is easily solved and since your MIL isn't going to be the main bringer-up, picking your ds up at the first squeak isn't going to reinforce terrible unbreakable habits. But apart from anything else, why should your DH be told he can't visit his parents when you've chosen to go off gallivantin'?

traceybath Tue 22-Sep-09 10:22:20


AnswerThatAndStayFashionable Tue 22-Sep-09 10:22:45

YABU but I do get the PFB thing, really I do. I was the worlds worst when DD was a baby. I promise you will look back and chortle wink

DS will be fine, go have fun with your friend smile

OrmIrian Tue 22-Sep-09 10:24:12

YABU. But you know that already.

MrsBlennerhasset Tue 22-Sep-09 10:24:15

YABU and so is tobago! I often go to stay with my mum while DP is away as I get help and a break and the DC's get to spend time with granny. Win win. smile

warthog Tue 22-Sep-09 10:24:20


i'm going to be uncharitable here and say that perhaps you resent dh getting a lie in and a generally easy life with his mum. were you hoping that he'd see how tricky it can be with a baby?

cutekids Tue 22-Sep-09 10:24:35

i think it's probably the fact that you would actually like to see your hubbie coping alone with your I right? i think i understand where you're coming from...rightly or wrongly.maybe you're thinking that if it was the other way round,you wouldn't go running to mummy.....slap me if i've got the wrong end of the stick smile

clumsymum Tue 22-Sep-09 10:24:57

"AIBU to want them to stay at home while I am away??"

Oh yes.

"I'm going awy to be with my friend for a weekend darling. I want you to look after little ds while I'm away, but I want you to do it EXACTLY as I say you should" hmm

How would you like it if your DH told you where you could and couldn't go while he was at work?

Oh, and your MIL managed to bring your DH up, didn't she? I don't think she's going to cayuse irreperable damage to your DS over one weekend.

If you don't like it, don't go away.

muddleduck Tue 22-Sep-09 10:25:12


Sounds ideal for your MIL to be able to "take over for the day" at a time when you are not around to be annoyed by this.

OrmIrian Tue 22-Sep-09 10:25:49

I agree it is hard going away from your baby for the first time. I hated it too (in fact I couldn't really as I was bfing for years and years) But there really is no need to worry. DS will be with your DH, his dad - why would his father let anything bad happen to him?

QueenOfFuckingEverything Tue 22-Sep-09 10:26:21

YAB a little bit U - if he's in charge, its up to him where they go.

But I am a bit hmm at the way so many men run back to mummy as soon as they are confronted with full responsibility for their own DC. My ex still does it - he has almost never looked after DD (6) himself. Very irritating.

Flo23 Tue 22-Sep-09 10:26:39

Suspect its more about not wanting your MIL to 'take over' looking after your baby than your DH not being at home for the wk end.

I would be the same as find my ILs overbearing and quite irritating, but you won't be there so just let it happen. One night out of the usual routine isn't going to change anything for your baby.

Just go away and enjoy yourself, they will be fine and there's nothing you can do if your not there anyway.

So yes, YAB a bit U. Relax and let your DH enjoy his time with DS and if your MIL wants to take charge so be it!

Tinkerisdead Tue 22-Sep-09 10:27:39

tobago I agree with you, I know lots of men who do this. Actually most of them I know would send the DC to their mother and have a night out themselves. I would be annoyed for that reason alone, whether unreasonable or not I'm not sure. but I'd be annoyed that when Dh goes out im still stuck in the daily grind but if it was his turn to do it, he'd need/want his mother there too. I'd like to think Dh could pick up the reins for himself. So OP i think you are not unreasonable grin

flowerybeanbag Tue 22-Sep-09 10:32:03

I know what people mean about men not coping on their own.

I went away for one night when DS was 10 weeks old. DH was absolutely fine, was used to doing night feeds and all that anyway, no problem. But immediately MIL heard I was going away she was offering to come up and help DH with him, assuming he wouldn't be able to manage on his own. hmm He said no, and I think resented the implication that he wouldn't be able to cope.

muddleduck Tue 22-Sep-09 10:45:13

I'm not sure that it is necessarily all about "running back to mummy" and "not being able to cope".

DH copes with our dc very well but he is always keen for his mum to come and stay when I am away. This is not because he needs her help but because we both think that she gets much better "quality time" with the dc when she doesn't feel that I'm looking over her shoulder. This is exactly the same as the fact that I felt far more relaxed coping with them in front of my parents compared with the ILs.

Personally I'd really encourage the idea that your MIL spends time with the baby when you're not around. I think it is quite hard for ILs to build up a strong bond with their GC unless this happens (or unless they are very clost to their DIL).

cassell Tue 22-Sep-09 10:47:52

YABU but I understand how you feel, first time I left ds (then 4mths) overnight with dh I was on the phone constantly wanting to know where they were, what they were doing and left dh a long list of detailed instructions (dh said he would keep it to make me laugh in a few years time at how neurotic I was!)

While your MIL won't do things the same as you she obv knows how to look after a baby and in a way it's better to have her and dh there. My dh thoughtfully said the time I left ds as I went out the door "you know I could have a heart attack just after you leave and then what would happen to [ds] as no one would know" (I was not amused by that comment and panicked the whole time I was away! men....) - at least if they are at your MIL's then between them your ds should be fine!

OrmIrian Tue 22-Sep-09 10:59:49

When Dh isn't around I will quite often go to see my parents. It isn't about 'not coping' it's more to do with the fact that Dh has limited interest in being with my parents so there is no point in causing stress to everyone by insisting he spend time with them. So DC and I go when he's not around. As well as other times obviously.

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