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AIBU?

To not want to go on holiday at Christmas?

14 replies

applepudding · 21/09/2009 12:12

DH has for years been telling me that he feels that the long holiday which he has to take at Christmas is wasted because all we do is sit around, watch TV, eat, or at the most, visit relatives. He would like us to go somewhere sunny. I refuse point blank to go away over Christmas day because (i) it wouldn't feel right to me (ii) my parents would be very sad as Ds is their only grandchild, my brother who has no children lives a few hours away and doesn't always come Christmas day and (iii) DH's father is alone.

However, I do understand the point he is making about feeling he is wasting holiday. He gets a much more limited holiday allowance than I do (I work school hours) and has an enforced 10 day break at Christmas. So I said to him I'd consider going 27/28 December for a week.

My problem is that although I really love my holidays, I do not like flying. Before we had DS we always went places like Italy on the coach. I will fly now because I see it is unreasonable not to, but I have a limit of about 2-3 hours in the plane (Rome, Dubrovnik, Malaga etc) DH thinks that it is just the taking off which is a problem for me and once I'm in the air I should be OK but being trapped in the confines of the plane all that way up in the air makes me feel freaky. Already I have to take diazepam/wine to enable me to cope, and I'm sure that at that time of the year the weather will make the journey more uncomfortable and the places DH is suggesting we go to (Canary Islands somewhere) are at 4.5 hour flight.

So, should I refuse to go (yet again), suggest we go to Malaga where the weather should be OK-ish but not as good as the Canaries, but the flight is about 2.5 hours, or hope for the best and go? DH keeps telling me I'll love it when I get there and I know he's right, as I always do.

I've been considering trying to get some sort of hypnosis but I don't really know where to start.

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mumblechum · 21/09/2009 12:14

I agree with your husband. I think you should get whatever help you need with your flying phobia, but that it would be great to go off to the sun for Xmas. I also feel that the Xmas fortnight is a bit of a bore in the UK.

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bubblagirl · 21/09/2009 12:22

i think you should go your dh needs to have that break and you will love it when there spend x mas with your family then go then you have fairly compromised and he gets his well needed holiday

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LilRedWG · 21/09/2009 12:25

Get some help for your phobia (or failing that valium) and go - it'll be lovely.

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applepudding · 21/09/2009 12:30

I already take valium to cope with the 2 hour flight for my summer holiday. And wine. And then I worry that I will not be in control when I need to exit the plane in an emergency . I decided last Summer after I'd spoilt the last 2 days of the holiday worrying about the flight home that I would look into hypnosis but I don't really know where to start. DH suggested I go to the doctors but I feel that they would be busy with people who are properly ill.

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littleM · 21/09/2009 12:37

I think airlines run courses to help people who have difficulties flying

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Acinonyx · 21/09/2009 12:45

I have a fear of flying and we fly several times a year for holidays and to see family. This Xmas we are going 19th-31st Dec on a 10 hour flight and I dread the flight! But I know it's irrational and we can't just not go anywhere. I do usually take valium and have some wine - but not as much as I used to pre-dd.

Is this about the Xmas timing or about the flight? With dd at school, Xmas is a good opportunity to take a longer break. I agree with your dh.

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OrmIrian · 21/09/2009 12:50

I wouldn't want to go away for Christmas. It's a very traditional time for us and we have a routine that we repeat every year with small additional flourishes as the years go by - DCs wouldn't forgive me anyway, sun, sea and flight notwithstanding.

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applepudding · 21/09/2009 12:52

Acinonyx - its about the flight really. I have agreed to go as long as we go after Christmas day/boxing day which still gives us a week. It is just that at this time of the year we will need to get a longer flight to get to somewhere sunny, and I'm concerned that bad weather in the winter will make the flight more dangerous.

I accept that I have to fly sometimes - I like my holidays - but in the summer there are so many places we can get to in 2 hours which I can just about bear.

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OrmIrian · 21/09/2009 13:14

I am not 100% happy about flying TBH, but for me the problem is take off and landing. The middle bit is fine. Is it the same for you? If so bear in mind that no matter how long the flight there will only be on up and one down

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Acinonyx · 21/09/2009 13:16

Well I do sympathise! We have a lot of family overseas so I can't really say no and I do like to travel - apart from the actual travelling bit.

I wouldn't worry about the winter weather. The risks are not very great at any time of year - it's the fear that's the problem. I'm OK as long as the plane doesn't move or wobble AT ALL otherwise......

Hypnotherapy (doesn't do much for me but others swear by it)?

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groundhogs · 21/09/2009 15:24

think it's excellent that you have agreed to go for a week, that way you get your traditional christmas with your family, and your DH gets what he has wanted for ages too!

Sounds like he has made the effort in the past so you can have your ideal christmas, great that you can find a way to give him his.

You know your fear is irrational, it's a phobia, and one that can be treated, go for it and don't look back!

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MorrisZapp · 21/09/2009 17:59

Don't be browbeaten by the 'flying is fine' brigade! I hate flying too and won't go anywhere that takes more then 2 hours. Every minute in the air seems like an hour to me. Take off and landing are ok, it's the agony of all that time in the air I can't stand.

Doc gave me valium and they helped a bit but I still couldn't eat the day before flying, and felt sick two days before coming home.

It's a totally irrational fear so going on a fear of flying course would not help me - I already know that it's the safest form of transport, turbulence is harmless etc. It's my throat and my stomach that need convincing, not my brain.

I had hypnotherapy for another phobia and it was crap.

Holidays are meant to be enjoyed, not dreaded. Eurostar is my best friend

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Acinonyx · 21/09/2009 19:13

Now you see, I won't go on Eurostar! I can't stand the thought of being trapped in a tunnel under all that water

It's hard living on an island...

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applepudding · 21/09/2009 19:38

Morriszapp - yes that is me! Everybody thinks the take-off and landing is the problem - but I actually like landing. I feel I'm coming down to safety. I can't bear being stuck up in that long thin tube above the world, especially when it starts to shake. So this is my problem with the winter holiday - we need to go further to the sun, so a longer flight, and presumably with winter weather there will be more turbulence.

However - I also don't like the thought of being stuck in the tunnel under the water - and you can't get to the Canaries by train.

I don't like heights but I'm also claustrophobic. However I do love being on holiday ....