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or just mad if I move DD's (3.1) bed into our bedroom?

(28 Posts)
BrokenBananaTantrum Mon 21-Sep-09 07:51:37

DD (3.1) is waking every night and coming up to our bed. Should I just move her bed into our room and we can all get some sleep (we have a large attic bedroom so loads of room for her bed as well as ours) or will I never get her back into her own room again if i do this?

She went into her own room at 12months but has never really liked it or settled well there. I've been with her and chosen new bedding and she has helped me set her room out but she just wants to be with me and DH. When she wakes at night (usually around 10pm) she will not go back off in her own bed.

She is such a wriggler that I don't get any sleep when she gets in with us and I'm knackered all the time (as is DH but he is SAHD and after she has gone to school he can get a couple of hours in)

I don't know what to do. I've never used CC with her and don't want to start.

Please help

Off to work now so sorry to post and run but I will be checking in later.


bubblagirl Mon 21-Sep-09 07:57:47

you could make sure you still settle to be din own room and have ready bed next to your bed for the night wakes so she is not in your bed my ds has been like this gradually he is sleeping longer in his own bed at night some times all night but we dont let him in our bed just next to our bed now

i sympaphise as we did the stay in bed technique was very consistent and it didnt work so we had sleep therapist who said make bed next to yours to get used to not sleeping with but still has comfort of being near but always settle in own bed and as ds is getting older he is tending to sleep longer in his own bed

diddl Mon 21-Sep-09 08:01:54

I wouldn´t have her in with me TBH.

We had a stage of ours wanting us to stay in the room until they fell asleep.

Would that be workable?

If you are in the attic,is she on a different level?

Is it fear that you are a long way away?

admylin Mon 21-Sep-09 08:02:20

We all slept together in one big room until ds was 4 and dd 3 years old. We all slept well and now my dc always sleep through (had own room since age 4) so I think it's a good idea.

FlamingoDuBeke Mon 21-Sep-09 08:05:51

Go for it. Can you blame her not wanting to sleep alone? It's not actually natural for children to start sleeping alone or through the night until they're a year or so older than your DD anyway.

My DDs have all co-slept in our bed, and our oldest two moved very happily and easily into their own room when they were 6 and 4 (together - wouldn't have made the older one move on her own). No problems at all, lots of sleep all round, no stress, no crying.

liath Mon 21-Sep-09 08:11:45

We did this, I think dd was 2.5 and got a horrible fright one night due to fireworks and was scared to go to bed alone. She was no bother, we popped her bed beside ours and everyone was happy. She went back into her room 6 months later when ds started sleeping through and we were able to put them both together. She loves sharing with her brother and I ofetn find them tucked up together in her bed!!

diddl Mon 21-Sep-09 08:12:31

If she moves into your room, will she still want to sleep in your bed and be disturbing you, though?

ScummyMummy Mon 21-Sep-09 08:13:47

Wouldn't you just have her in your bed and an extra bed cluttering up your room with this 'solution'? From what I remember of 3 year olds I think you probably either have to get a bit tougher and return her to bed every time or put up with her in your bed until she's ready to leave, tbh. Both sound like stressful options...

HSMM Mon 21-Sep-09 08:14:01

We used to put ours to bed in her room and then have a mattress on the floor in our room for when she wandered in. This makes it look less permanent. She used to say she was lonely (and still does sometimes - age 10).

FlamingoDuBeke Mon 21-Sep-09 08:16:25

DD3 (2.5) is on a mattress next to our bed for most of the night. Sometimes she comes into our bed for a bit, but the point is we don't have to wake right up to settle her, and, once she's fast asleep again, if we wake up and she's still there, it's no trouble at all to just pop her back on her mattress.

DD4's still in our bed - she's 1 tomorrow. We'll be sticking with this arrangement for a good two or three years yet I imagine.

pigletmania Mon 21-Sep-09 12:15:52

IMO no no no, I personally think that it would be a big mistake, she has to have her own room anyway. I used controled crying with my dd 2.6 years when she went into her room at 12months old and she has settled in fine and loves her big bed. IMO i dont think that there is anything wrong with CC, well what i would do was put my dd to bed follow the usual bed, bath, teeth story, prayers, put on her lullaby music kiss goodnight and go. When she cried, i waited a few mins not straight away, i went up said mummys here and loves you very much, and just left the room and went to our bedroom so i was near, when she cried again much of the same until she got used to it and was more settled and got used to it. CC does not mean that you ignore them and they cry their socks off till their sick. You just wait a few mins, go in reassure and then go out with minimum fuss, no rocking to sleep or picking up(if they are sick its a different story).

When dd went into her own bed a month ago, she kept climbing out all the time and crying, i went into her room said its bedtime now goodnight and put her back to bed, i did this for a couple of times, then after that i would just get her hand put her back to bed(no talking or communicating whasoever)after about 15 times she just accepted it and now loves her bed and settles in well at bedtime with minimum fuss. try it see if it works.

pigletmania Mon 21-Sep-09 12:22:17

There have been bad nights like when she was teething she would not settle, we had her in our bed but she did not like it not setteling, kept kicking me, wriggling and when put back in her bed was brilliant, so what works with one child or family might not work with another but worth a try anyway. We really had to get dd settled into her room as she did not like sleeping with us not all children do and i would wake up with a black stomach where she kicked or punched which is not good if you are trying or are pregnant with a little one. My dd though does not sleep the night and wakes up for the music to be put back on or a drink of water. Someone has said that they dont start sleeping though the night until 4 well that reassuring, i thought i was the only one on the planet whose 2.6 year old did not sleep the night.

slowreadingprogress Mon 21-Sep-09 13:15:29

I think whatever works and keeps you all happiest is good!

When ds had a phase of waking with nightmares etc I just used to kip down beside him until he went off again. Kept a duvet and pillow at the ready. Once he was off again I would go back to my bed.

For me that worked best as we can't all three share a bed (DS is so big for his age and DH is 6'4!!!) and there's no room in our room for another bed. But had we had a huge room I would have considered having his bed in with us, certainly.

I don't believe in 'rod for own back' stuff with this issue personally. It's usually something of the early years, this need to be re-assured and with someone at night and when they don't need it any more, they don't demand it, ime.

So I'd say give it a go, why not?

thehouseofmirth Mon 21-Sep-09 13:17:14

We have had DS1's bed in our room. We used to co-sleep and putting his own bed in our room was the natural next step. It's worked for us as we've all managed to sleep really well.

He's just turned 4 and is now asking to go in his own room. He's a brilliant sleeper and it's lovely to have your child do something when they are confident and ready rather than forcing something on them which will make them unhappy. Most of us would never dream of ignoring or abandoning an upset child during the day & I fail to see why it is anything other than cruel at night. You are right for trusting your instincts, Don't listen to the Rod-For-Your-Back Brigade!

slowreadingprogress Mon 21-Sep-09 13:28:18

'it's lovely to have your child do something when they are confident and ready'....well said indeed, thehouseofmirth (love your posting name!) I think that summarises something we seem to have lost in bringing up children now - it's all about preparing them for the next stage before they've got there, and making them 'practice' things they need to do before they need to do them....we have a local 'pre-pre school' which has been set up to have kids from 2 years old "to get them used to being left by mum prior to starting pre-school" I mean...for goodness sake!

You are so right. There is an awful lot to be said for letting the child be ready to do something. Same with this bedtime issue.

ChunkyMonkeysMum Mon 21-Sep-09 13:32:35

Wow, this all sounds very alien to me. grin

My boys are both good sleepers. DS1 slept in his moses basket beside our bed, and started sleeping all night from 8 days old (very unusual, I know), so when he was 4 weeks old we moved his moses basket into his own room as we didn't want to risk disturbing him by keeping him in with us. He has slept all night ever since, in his own room (he is now 5.10). DS2 also slept in his crib next to our bed and slept through the night at 4 weeks. A week later, I moved his crib into his bedroom & he too has settled well in his own room (only waking through the night when teething & even then, short cry & back to sleep). He is now 12 months.

We have always put them to bed awake, as feel that this helps them settle better as if/when they wake in the night, they don't panic that they are somewhere different to where they fell asleep. Both used to have a little cry to start with, but realised over time that there's no point and eventually settled well with no crying when put to bed. Both boys were also put in their own rooms for their daytime naps too.

Neither of them have ever slept or attempted to sleep in our bed. I just wouldn't allow it.

Maybe I am just lucky ???

I think you should persevere with putting your DD back to bed. I personally wouldn't go down the route of putting her bed in your room.

Bleatblurt Mon 21-Sep-09 13:33:20

My DS1 was in my bed with me until he was 4, then I put his toddler bed next to my bed and he loved it. A few months of that and he then went into his bed in his room happily. He does occasionally sneak back in during the night but no-one even wakes up and we find him there in the morning! grin

I'm 28 and cannot sleep on my own so I never had a problem with my DS1 not wanting to sleep in the dark in his own room.

slowreadingprogress Mon 21-Sep-09 13:36:53

Yes, chunky, you are lucky (not doubting your excellent parenting skills which clearly you have as well) but sleeping/settling is not always an issue that 'good' parenting can sort out. Some children do have problem sleep, simple as that, even if parents do all the things you mention, and more!

ChunkyMonkeysMum Mon 21-Sep-09 13:49:03

I am not professing to have excellent parenting skills slowreading, I just feel that a lot of parents do make a rod for their own backs when it comes to their DC's sleeping patterns.
I do totally understand that some kids do actually have issues with sleep, and in those cases I understand that parents will do whatever they can to sort it, even if it means going down a route which involves making their lives easier but in a lot of cases, I truely believe that if parents tried getting their kids into some sort of routine very early on, these problems wouldn't arise. wink

My DB & SIL are prime examples. They have 3 DC's together & SIL has a DD from a previous relationship who is 10.7. The 10 yo still gets up in the night & gets into bed with her mum, forcing my DB out of bed & onto the sofa. IMO, this is not on as he is the one who has to get up early and go to work every day whilst SIL is a SAHM. Also they have never been ones for routine with any of their kids, so none of them have set bed times/sleep all night/go to sleep without a parent present etc. Their youngest is 5 months & is constantly carried around in their arms, allowed to fall asleep in their arms & sleep in his pushchair because he apparently "doesn't like" his cot. Yet, they are the ones moaning about getting no sleep !!!

claw3 Mon 21-Sep-09 13:51:20

My ds is 5.5 and i still wake up with him in my bed every morning!

He starts off in his own bed, unless i have all night to spare putting him back in his own bed, he wakes up in mine.

No advise for you, well not any that has worked, but i can sympathies with you.

claw3 Mon 21-Sep-09 13:52:44

Excuse spelling mistakes, not had much sleep!

slowreadingprogress Mon 21-Sep-09 13:55:29

I am with you Chunky on routine smile I just think with this issue, you have to accept that people usually go with what makes life easiest and most pleasant for them and their children. With your DB etc I guess for whatever reason, it is easier for them all for them to have the 'pattern' that they do. Otherwise they would change it.

My ds was one of those children who (despite me doing all the things you've done) just had a certain sleep problem; he just could not go off to sleep without help/someone there. Also children are simply different; if my ds woke up, he would not have a 'short cry' he would have a HUGE, LONG cry followed by a HUGE, PROJECTILE vomit grin followed by house lights on, changes of clothes all round, changes of bedding, etc etc etc etc.....

I just don't think this is a 'rod for your own back' issue I think it is one where basically you have to play the cards you're dealt and that's what most people do, trying to make the best of it for everyone.

Hando Mon 21-Sep-09 14:00:07

I wouldn't OP.

FLAMINGO- My DDs have all co-slept in our bed, and our oldest two moved very happily and easily into their own room when they were 6 and 4 (together - wouldn't have made the older one move on her own).

So before they moved you had a 6 and a 4 yr old in your room? That to me is strange.

What do you mean by it's not natural for kids to start sleeping through the night until they are 4? Rubbish.

FlouryBap Mon 21-Sep-09 14:00:41

I think if you are happy with it it sounds like a lovely solution.

ChunkyMonkeysMum Mon 21-Sep-09 14:02:45

I do agree with you to some extent slowreading, but on the other hand I do feel that some (not all!) parents of children with sleep problems bring it on themselves.
Your situation is completely different as you have tried different methods. Sadly, my DB & SIL haven't !! They try for one night & give up. They seem to think that there should be an easy solution, not realise they have to work at it.
SIL was a single parent for a while with DD1 and was very young herself when she had her, so used to keep her up at night and let her sleep with her deliberately so she wouldn't have to be by herself, so she really did make a rod for her own back! grin

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