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to expect my mum to cover it up?

(69 Posts)
sunshiney Sun 20-Sep-09 21:23:23

...her swimming pool that is!

my mum lives in South Africa, we (dh, dd (2) and I) are going to visit her at xmas for a few weeks.
she's lucky enough to have a pool in her garden. when i was booking the holiday, months ago, i asked her if she would be able to put a safety net over her pool. she said she would.

we had a phone call this evening in which she mentioned her pool so i asked if the safety net had been arranged. she now says that a net won't be needed, as she's decided that her garden layout with regard to locked gates is adequate to keep my toddler safe. This is briefly that the back garden, where the pool is, is sectioned off with a gate.

My argument is that members of the household will be using the gate to access the garden, what if they don't close it behind them and my dd slips in unnoticed.
I always know where my dd is, but say for eg one of those situations arose where everyone thinks someone else is watching the child, and then tragically at that time the gate is accidentally left open.

A pool cover costs about £350 to install, and it has to be fixed into the bricks surrounding the pool.
My mum and her husband are very proud of their garden, i'm sure they don't want to spoil the look of their pool for the sake of a christmas visit, i can understand that.

But on the very small chance that my child should come across the pool while she's unattended, a net would save her life.

AIBU therefore to want my mum to take this safety precaution?

Littlefish Sun 20-Sep-09 21:28:38

I think you're being unreasonable if there is already a locked gate and fence around the pool.

lisbey Sun 20-Sep-09 21:29:40

I would have thought a gate, with everyone else there understanding that the gate must be closed at all times was sufficient TBH.

At my parents the garden gate leads to the road, but when small children are there everyone makes sure it's shut behind them.

Lilyloo Sun 20-Sep-09 21:31:00

Tough one as £350 is a drop in the ocean to avoid a tragedy but
you are only visiting and they do have fence and gate already.

traceybath Sun 20-Sep-09 21:31:14

Afraid i think you're being unreasonable.

We went to Tuscany in a villa with small children and an uncovered pool. It was fine you just need to be careful about supervising your child.

Lulubee Sun 20-Sep-09 21:31:24

Can you stick a notice on the gate to remind people to lock behind them? I would think that a combination of the locked gate plus adult vigilance should be sufficient? £350 in SA rand is a LOT of money over there...

blowninonabreeze Sun 20-Sep-09 21:31:42

whilst I appreciate you concern, I'm afraid that you probably are BU. Sorry.

If you were staying in rental holiday accommodation, you wouldn't even be guaranteed a locked gate.

ConnorTraceptive Sun 20-Sep-09 21:31:43

Have you offered to pay the £350 if not YABU

BitOfFun Sun 20-Sep-09 21:33:04

Agree with Connor.

pooexplosions Sun 20-Sep-09 21:33:36

I see your point, but I think YABU. Its up to you to make sure your toddler is not unattended, there are all kinds of other dangers surely that occur if a 2 year old wanders off?
If its expensive and unsightly I think its a big ask.
How about a closer on the gate instead so it shuts after anyone goes through it? Much cheaper, easier, hidden and useful I would think.

MrsJamesMartin Sun 20-Sep-09 21:34:38

Make sure shes always wearing armbands

crokky Sun 20-Sep-09 21:35:26

No, I think YABU. You have one child to watch and 2 adult parents - you should never let a 2yo out of your sight in a place you all are not familiar with anyway.

mrsjammi Sun 20-Sep-09 21:36:09

Message withdrawn

valhala Sun 20-Sep-09 21:37:34

Hmmm... gut instinct says YANBU then I think, "But that's a lot of money to ask someone ELSE to pay to safeguard YOUR child", followed quickly by thinking that its maybe not such a lot if you are in the position to own your own pool, and besides, the pool owner IS Nanna.

Not to be rude, but would it be possible to offer to contribute to the cost of it, my logic being that you wouldn't think twice about purchasing a cover for your own pool if you had one or a car seat etc?

I;m trying to take a side step here and ask you what you would do if at the coast for the day with other family members and your DD where the family may be watching over your child from time to time whilst you are doing something. If that's an unreasonable comparison I'm sorry for offending - its just that I can see the situation from both a worried Mum's point of view but also that it would be sad for you to miss out on a wonderful holiday with Mum or fall out with her.

DuelingFanjo Sun 20-Sep-09 21:38:54

grin at MrsJamesMartin

preggersplayspop Sun 20-Sep-09 21:42:05

I think YABU, having been in a similar situation with my in-laws. I wouldn't let my toddler out of my (or DH's) sight knowing there was a pool around, even if there was supposed to be a cover on it. Its just not worth the risk.

alwayslookingforanswers Sun 20-Sep-09 21:42:42

"followed quickly by thinking that its maybe not such a lot if you are in the position to own your own pool"

this is SA we're talking about - don't have to be quite so flush to have a pool there.

£350 in Rand is a hell of a lot of money though.

And I think YABU.

SixtyFootDoll Sun 20-Sep-09 21:46:17

Buy one of those life vests and always put it on DD if she is outside.
Most pools on holiday are only gated/fenced off.
Just have to vigilant.

DesperateHousewifeToo Sun 20-Sep-09 21:51:22

How about taking a swimming pool alarm with you?

Or attaching an alarm to the gate when you arrive?

SixtyFootDoll Sun 20-Sep-09 21:52:16

Oh yes we had one of those in France
Good idea!

nooka Sun 20-Sep-09 21:53:03

If the pool is going to be in use then I don't see how a net would be more safe that a gate, because you still have to rely on people putting it back on everytime, and as that's likely to be a hassle then they are less likely to do that than to shut a gate. I can absolutely see why you are anxious, but I am afraid that you will simply have to keep an eye on your dd (which you probably will be doing anyway in an unfamiliar place). If the pool is not going to be used and the gate is to the whole garden which will be used, then that's a different issue.

scottishmummy Sun 20-Sep-09 21:54:21

your child your responsibility,your role to be hyper-vigilant

wholly unreasonable to ask mum to be disrupted,inconvenienced to satisfy what if

have a great hol,and dont worry so damn much.take sensible precautions,but dont fret

sunshiney Sun 20-Sep-09 22:00:02

thanks for the comments so far.

just to clarify, there isn't a fence around the pool itself.
it's in one half of the garden, which has a gate separating it. that part of the garden is in fairly frequent use i think.

i haven't offered to pay for net, but i would do that. i don't think it's money though, i think my mum doesn't want a pool net for aesthetic reasons.

i completely agree that you should never let a 2 year old be unattended and i am vigilant about that.
it's just that it will be nice to be there and know that everyone is looking after her and i can relax a bit. but it's just the scenario of everyone caring for the child when miscommunication can happen and before you know it she's made a beeline for the pool, and the gate happens to have been left open...god forbid!

it's just that we'll be at my mum's for six weeks, the prospect of six weeks with my child in a place with a large body of uncovered water in the garden makes me scared.

mrsjammi Sun 20-Sep-09 22:05:45

Message withdrawn

alwayslookingforanswers Sun 20-Sep-09 22:07:34

I should imagine if you're there for 6 weeks in the summer you'll all be in the garden most of the time anyhow. So you'll be able to watch her easier.

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