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To think that asking for CASH for a WEDDING GIFT is cheeky, not to mention....

(197 Posts)
chocolatekimmy Sun 20-Sep-09 20:40:40


Don't get me wrong, we had a very charming and funny little poem in with the wedding invite about having 'a nice toaster and not needing any coasters' etc. But isn't that the case for most people anyway if they have lived together first?

It just seems a bit weird - I know vouchers are no different really but at least you know they will buy something, usually something more expensive that they wouldn't expect one person to buy alone. I don't think they are particularly hard up for cash or that they will blow it down the pub. I also don't mind them knowing how much we 'spent' - but its almost more pressure for those who may be on a tight budget anyway.

Has anyone done this or faced a similar request?


alwayslookingforanswers Sun 20-Sep-09 20:42:08

about 75% of the gifts at our wedding were cash. But different country, different culture and perfectly normal there. Only been to about 3 weddings here (that I was invited to rather than playing for them) and not experienced it.

Tee2072 Sun 20-Sep-09 20:43:29

Well, proper etiquette says you never mention gifts in a wedding invitation, even to say "don't give me one". To ask for cash, no matter how cutely put, is the absolute tackiest of all.

nickytwotimes Sun 20-Sep-09 20:45:12

Yanbu imo, but you may be opening a can of worms here.
I think it is tacky as hell.

MaryAmericanSmooth Sun 20-Sep-09 20:45:14

vulgar beyond belief

twirlymum Sun 20-Sep-09 20:46:35

I don't like it.

nymphadora Sun 20-Sep-09 20:47:35

I don't like the asking for things!

We are getting married soon and we are living together but have basically started from scratch doing up house so new kitchen stuff would be useful as would vouchers (and money tbh) but I don't know what to say when people ask! I can't bring myself to do a debenhams list either so what should I do!

alwayslookingforanswers Sun 20-Sep-09 20:47:52

we even had a gifts "manager" who sat at a table and wrote down who had given gifts and who had given cash, and how much.

DuelingFanjo Sun 20-Sep-09 20:49:23

oh gosh - I sometimes think wedding guests need to just get over it. Why is it cheeky?
Perhaps the couple don't want to end up with 10 picture frames and a collecton of useless scented candles. At least this way they get to buy something they really want.

Have you never ever given cash as a present?

Does the poem also say they don't mind getting nothing?

Was it this poem?

We are sending out this invitation
And hope you will join our celebration
If to send a gift is your intention
In modesty we would like to mention
We have already got a kettle and a toaster
Crockery, dinner mats and coasters
So rather than something we have already got
Please give us money for our savings pot
But, most importantly, we request
That you turn up as our Wedding Guest

Are they good friends of yours? presumably they are if they have thought to invite you to their wedding so why do people have such a moan about these things.

chocolatekimmy Sun 20-Sep-09 20:49:33

So its not just me then - phew!

I'm really not sure what to do and the wedding is on Saturday.

I am thinking of buying a nice photo frame or perhaps some champagne?

crokky Sun 20-Sep-09 20:50:23

I received one from DH's cousin (I had never ever met him and DH hadn't seen him for 10yrs!!) inviting us to his wedding and asking for money. I was so annoyed that we didn't go to the wedding or give any money.

I do think that it has a place though. I am happily giving my younger brother money for his wedding present. I understand that they don't need any household stuff and I would like to give them money that will probably be spent on their honeymoon. I have no problem with it at all, I just think from someone you don't see all the time, it's outrageously rude and offensive. My brother didn't ask for anything, actually, I just decided to give him some money.

DuelingFanjo Sun 20-Sep-09 20:51:39

you don't know what to do... buy a photo frame then.. no one else would have thought of that! grin

how long ago did you get the invite!?

PrettyCandles Sun 20-Sep-09 20:52:03

YABU. When people have already been living together, cash for a specific purpose makes sense. Friends of ours did just that, in order to buy a piece of artwork for their house.

Mybox Sun 20-Sep-09 20:52:39

HAppy to give cash as a wedding pressie - much easier

Vinomum Sun 20-Sep-09 20:52:58

If they've asked for cash, give them cash, even if you think it's tacky. We had a list and specifically asked people not to go 'off-list' as we really didn't want or need anything that wasn't on the list. Some people thought they'd ignore us and get us what they wanted rather than what we needed and hence I have 4 vases sitting in my loft gathering dust (they weren't as nice as the ones I'd put on the list!)

It's their wedding and their choice.

crokky Sun 20-Sep-09 20:53:13

chocolatekimmy - I think that if you have received the rude request in the first place, it is also rude to go against it totally IYSWIM. You have been asked directly not to get any material items, so IMO you either give the cash or give nothing. I think it is sort of sticking 2 fingers up to actually get something they probably don't want.

DuelingFanjo Sun 20-Sep-09 20:53:28

life, surely, is far too short to actually give a stuff about these things.

chocolatekimmy Sun 20-Sep-09 20:54:25

Thanks soo much DuelingFanjo

Fancy no one else thinking of a photo frame eh - in fact, I don't remember getting any of those!

I got the invite when they sent it by the way.

alwayslookingforanswers Sun 20-Sep-09 20:55:04

I'd personally rather give money than see my gift end up on Ebay the day after they get back from their honeymoon.

crokky Sun 20-Sep-09 20:55:17

Vinomum - why don't you put the vases in the charity shop - at least then someone might use them. (I am saying this because I am fanatical about eliminating clutter grin)

Arsed Sun 20-Sep-09 20:56:48

We're getting married next year. I'm not going to say anything about the presents in the invitation but I hope people do give us money and not traditional wedding gifts. We've been living together for 5 years !

DuelingFanjo Sun 20-Sep-09 20:58:10

ohkay blush sorry.

it's just I know someone who DID get 10 picture frames.

TheFallenMadonna Sun 20-Sep-09 20:59:36

I really can't get my knickers in a twist about this. I think wedding lists are a useful way to avoid buying someone something they dislike, and buying a present costs money, so if they'd rather have the money...

My initial response is a bit hmm, but rationally - it makes sense I think.

PatTheHammer Sun 20-Sep-09 21:00:04

I do understand many of the points here but the last 2 weddings we have been to (as evening guests I hasten to add) have had this poem thingy in it. It's impossible NOT to give anything as you know it will be noticed, however we have felt like we are paying for the privilege of attending someones party. We are skint at the moment too but putting a tenner in just felt too cheap so had to put £20 in, whereas on a gift-list they may have been some nice gifts for around £10.

So, I am not sure if YABU or not as I understand the reasons behind it but I don't think it many guests are happy about it tbh!

KirstyJC Sun 20-Sep-09 21:01:58

My sister has just sent us her wedding invitation, in a cute little (homemade) pack with directions, response card and SAE. It also included a card stating that due to numbers, only kids of close relatives were invited (ours were) and saying that having guests there was gift enough, but if we felt the need then any contributions to finishing their bathroom would be welcome.

I thought it was lovely - really nice and friendly and I think this is fine. (Mind you - if you'd seen her bathroom you wouldn't mind helping out either....grin). I like the fact that they have something specific to use it for and also the way they made it clear it's not expected / compulsory.

At least, I assume she meant she wants money...maybe she wants us to tile it for her...!smile

On the other hand, I loate wedding lists. We didn't have one, and the only one I was sent for another wedding, I bought them a corn on the cob holder 'cos it was the cheapest thing...and yes, I do mean I only bought one...I assume someone else bought the other one or else they are eating with one hand.....! (Can you tell I didn't like the bride much hee heegrin)

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