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to think this man is a twat !

(29 Posts)
drlove8 Sun 20-Sep-09 11:10:11

have a very dear friend who has recently split from her ex-p.they have one dd and also share a mortgage.
freind is a nurse , her ex has his own business
Friend caught him cheating when she phoned him whilst on a business trip ,and OW answered the phone in his hotel room at 3am.
He is now not paying maintenence reguarly ,and has lied to CSA about his earnings...(complicated stuff - he disolved one of his companys and hid evidence, but stupidly forgot that friend is a 50% shareholder in company and documents were sent to her by mistake.)
Friend has been stuggeling (spell) to feed and cloth their daughter , because she is on a low wage and has to find half the morgage each month (very expensive house that he insisted they buy), plus find money for repairsto heating system and leaky roof that needed repaired (house is to be sold)
Ex-p refused to pay maintenence for the wee girl, was the month of her birthday and her mum had to borrow money to feed her , never mind buy her a small gift.
twat of an ex-p bought her a jucey coture tracksuit (pink velour with glitter <bleugggggggggh>, and gave her that for her birthday .... nice thing is he also included the receit . FECKING THING WAS NEARLY £300!shock. He also paid for dd to have day at recording studio with 8 friends and a limo there and back.
i just cant get my head around how this man could possibly think its ok to leave his ex struggeling to feed his daughter, in a freezing house (she cant afford to heat it)...and spend so much on gifts that she doesnt really need or want?
the tracksuit alone cost at least twice as much a friend gets in maintenence. surely a decent man would make sure his dd is warm and fed at least?.
My poor friend is in tears about this, she's so worried about her dd's health, and often goes without eating herself and lies to her dd saying she's eaten at work.
I WANT TO SLAP HIM ..... so aibu?

CloudDragon Sun 20-Sep-09 11:17:48

take the tracksuit back to the shop.

get her to CAB to make sure she is getting all the benefits she needs

and back on to the CSA

get her to write to him and show her incomings and outgoings and why she is struggling with food.

get on an interest only mortgage

help her sell the house asap

get a good solicitor who handles divorce.

don't worry about the heating it's only september(unless you live in a different country)

get your friend to look seriously at her outgoings and prioritse food and essential bills, mortgage over everything and anything else.

and give him a big kick in the balls. the twat.

bradsmissus Sun 20-Sep-09 11:22:59

It never fails to amaze me how badly some people behave towards their children after a split.

Poor woman must be miserable. He is really going to ruin any relationship he may have with his DD in the future. When she is older she will realise how badly he has behaved. Unfortunately, she will probably suffer because of this.

Agree with everything cloudDragon says, especially the kicking him in the balls part!!!

drlove8 Sun 20-Sep-09 11:26:16

good suggestions CloudDragon.
they were never married though, did get engaged. She has a lawyer who has given her bad advice, who refused to really understand the situation, and after handing my friend a huge bill ,told her she doesnt do business law , so cant deal with the company getting disolved - friend did not recieve any money from that and her shares are now worthless.
can she get another lawyer if she hasnt paid off her current ones bill?
We are up in scotland ,so its getting a bit chilly.

drlove8 Sun 20-Sep-09 11:29:50

worst bit for my friend is that he's now with her DD'S dance teacher.... (he pays for dd's lessons) so my friend has to see her every week. OH and hes just bought himself a new BMW x5.

diddl Sun 20-Sep-09 11:36:52

Has she got anywhere she can move to?

If so, I think she can sign of the mortgage so that from that date she is no longer responsible for any bills that the house incurs.

drlove8 Sun 20-Sep-09 11:43:05

she hasnt , but if she does that would she still get half the money from the sale ?
all her savings , plus money from her parents went into her half of the house, without it she wont be able to buy even a smaller affordable house.sad

CloudDragon Sun 20-Sep-09 11:43:12

your friend may have access to legal aid - get a good solicitor.

God make her change/stop the dance classes that is just cruel.

rimmer08 Sun 20-Sep-09 11:46:29

yabu. he is a massive cunt not a twat

SolidGoldBrass Sun 20-Sep-09 11:47:42

She should have a word with Women's Aid. OK so her XP isn;t violent, but he appears to be using money in a caluclated way to make her suffer (lavish but inapppropriate spending on the DD while trying to ensure the XW loses everything). WOmen's AId will be able to recommend either a solicitor skilled in dealing with nobbers like this, or wasy to sort it out herself.

BetsyBoop Sun 20-Sep-09 11:49:33

ditto what clouddragon said

also try entitledto re benefits/tax credits

Had she told council he's moved out? (25% discount on CT)

Also check if she can get legal aid

Her DD will realise in her own time that her DF is a pillock...

diddl Sun 20-Sep-09 11:49:57

I didn´t think before I posted-now there´s a first!!

Is the house worth more than the mortgage on it?

If not, she won´t benefit from the sale, of course, and might as well stop paying anything to it ASAP.

OT, but isn´t it disgusting that as a nurse she is on a low wage!

Georgimama Sun 20-Sep-09 11:53:46

He is a massive cunt. I echo what bradsmissus said. My father cannot understand why I and my brothers want nothing to do with him.

Because when you left our mother, you left her penniless and didn't give a toss whether we starved or not, and now we are adults and parents ourselves your actions are even more incomprehensible. As my brother said, he'd sleep in his car if he split with his wife if that was the only way he could afford to look after his kids properly.

Is your friend claiming all the tax credits she is entitled to? And see another solicitor - the one she saw sounds shite. Tell her not to pay the bill. Complain. The woman had no business taking her on as a client if she was not competent to deal with issues surrounding the financial assets. Self employed ex partners who fuck off and then pretend to have no money are hardly unusual in family law.

drlove8 Sun 20-Sep-09 12:01:57

tbh i dont know how much the house is worth or what the mortgage is, only that its a big one ...
ive told my friend to change solicitors , but her old one wont release papers to a new one unless her bill is paid in full. she charges £500 an hour ...shock...and wont accept legal aid.... something she neglected to tell friend during initial appointment.
i think these men get lessons in how to be a total b`stard....they all act the same way...hmm. are there clubs they go to or something?

Georgimama Sun 20-Sep-09 12:19:50

500 per hour? Who the fuck does she work for, Clifford Chance?

Your friend needs to complain to the managing partner of the firm. If she failed to make your friend aware of her hourly rates, the funding options and alternatives such s Legal Aid then she is in breach of the Solicitor's Code of Conduct. She should complain to the SRA. If your friend raises these issues with the solicitor, she might suddenly become more co-operative about releasing the papers.

She needs to find a legal aid firm now, and worry about the other solicitor afterwards, tbh. The new solicitor will tell the old one her fortunate about her bill.

dollius Sun 20-Sep-09 12:33:54

Definitely tell your friend to complain. Get in touch with the managing partner of the firm and say (1) not made clear would not accept legal aid; (2) did not make clear would not be able to deal with the assets; (3)has failed to get to grips with the case and has given very bad advice.

Say she will complain to the Law Society if this isn't resolved satisfactorily.

Then get a good family lawyer (there are several on here) and sort out your financial affairs.

And, yes, take that ridiculous track suit back to the shop (with the receipt he stupidly left in with it).

DoNotPressTheRedButton Sun 20-Sep-09 12:46:59

SGB has an extremely valid point IMO

Massive, massive bastard.

BetsyBoop Sun 20-Sep-09 14:00:57

definitely complain about sol, who is in breach of sol's code of conduct

I've cut & pasted the pertinent bit below. I think a strongly worded letter to the senior partner stating the sections she is in breach of is in order angry

2.01 Taking on clients
You are generally free to decide whether or not to take on a particular client. However, you must refuse to act or cease acting for a client in the following circumstances:
b)where you have insufficient resources or lack the competence to deal with the matter.

2.03 Information about the cost
You must give your client the best information possible about the likely overall cost of a matter both at the outset and, when appropriate, as the matter progresses. In particular you must:
(a)advise the client of the basis and terms of your charges;
(e)advise the client that there are circumstances where you may be entitled to exercise a lien for unpaid costs

Guidance to rule 2 – Client relations
General
1. The requirements of rule 2 do not exhaust your obligations to clients. As your client's trusted adviser, you must act in the client's best interests (see 1.04) and you must not abuse or exploit the relationship by taking advantage of a client's age, inexperience, ill health, lack of education or business experience, or emotional or other vulnerability

11. When you cease acting for a client, you will need to consider what should be done with the paperwork. You must hand over the client's files promptly on request subject to your right to exercise a lien in respect of outstanding costs. You should try to ensure the client's position is not prejudiced, and should also bear in mind his or her rights under the Data Protection Act 1998. Undertakings to secure the costs should be used as an alternative to the exercise of a lien if possible. There may be circumstances where it is unreasonable to exercise a lien, for example, where the amount of the outstanding costs is small and the value or importance of the matter is very great.

dollius Sun 20-Sep-09 14:05:23

Ooh, good job Betsy. OP - that should help your friend's case.

diddl Sun 20-Sep-09 14:08:10

I´m sure this is simplistic, but why should she have to pay for unsatisfactory work?

Costs should be outlined straight away so that if you know you can´t afford them you walk out!

Isn´t there also an initial consultation for a set fee, or indeed a free first hour?

drlove8 Sun 20-Sep-09 22:09:29

thanx to everyone who has posted .... sorry i was away with the girl in question ... she was droping her dd off at ex-p and wanted to have a wander around the town high street.
Betsy - fantastic link and suggestion... will email it to friend asap . i always thought that lawyer was a robbing git joke.She did give my mate a free hour for the first consultation but didnt tell her what she`d charge , just sent her a bill after shed started "WORKING" on the case...hmm

SolidGoldBrass Mon 21-Sep-09 00:30:09

Well that solicitor wants striking off (or whatever the equivalent is for solicitors). Women's Aid will also be able to help your friend deal with the fact that her XP is being an absolute shit - some people unfortunately do take this revolting attitude of wanting to make their XPs suffer even though they were the ones who left the relationship; it's like leaving is not enough and they want to see the person they left destroyed. The more your friend can hold her head up and find other sources of support and satisfaction, the better, because it will drive her XP mental and, the more mental he gets, the better the chances of him making a spectacular prat of himself and becoming a laughing stock.

SomeGuy Mon 21-Sep-09 00:38:57

£500/hour sounds ridiculous. I think the rate for this should be something like £150-£200/hour.

MarmadukeScarlet Mon 21-Sep-09 00:45:49

Surely she would have had to sing a contract which would have listed hourly rates?

Have only ever dealt with education lawyers (£400 per hour +VAT) in both cases have had to sign a contract at opening of file (one also made me pay a large sum up from before she would start).

If she didn't have to sign a contract, is she liable to pay?

diddl Mon 21-Sep-09 06:52:29

Did your friend even give the solicitor permission to work for her?

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