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for not inviting my sister to ds' 4th bday party? Or actually AIBU for now being annoyed at her?

(19 Posts)
panicpants Sat 19-Sep-09 21:42:50

Ds was 4 in Aug, he had a party and ds and I sat down and decided which of his friends he wanted to invite. We sent invites, friends came and a good time had by all. Both sets of grandparents came too.

But as it was just a 2 hour childs birthday party it didn't even occur to me to invite any of my sisters as a) one was on holiday and B) it was a weekday afternoon and 1 was definitly working and I assumed the other one would be too.

I have 3 sisters, and 2 of them came to see ds on/just before his birthday with presents and cards for him. Neither expected to be invited, and if I had then couldn't have come anyway.

But my third sister, who noone ever sees, and who I haven't seen since Christmas (her choice, she stays well away from the rest of us, hasn't seen my mum or dad since fathers day etc) has now taken offence.

It wasn't a conscious decision not to invite her, I didn't even think about it. It was only at another family childs birthday that it became clear my sister was annoyed at me (she wasn't there btw, as it was for children only)

Anyway, i have now recieived an email with just this on it

'My invite got lost in the post then'

and nothing else!!!

I was a bit hmm at first, but actually I'm quite upset now. At no point as she ever invited me/ds to anything and we sometimes get a card or sometimes not on birthdays, and when I got married last year, we asked her to be involved, and her dh to be an usher and they refused. So tbh I have kind of put her out of my mind.

So AIBU to have not invited her? Is she being U now?

And how should I respond back to her..if at all?

hambler Sat 19-Sep-09 21:47:27

YANBU
Just reply, "it was a kiddie thing"

diddl Sat 19-Sep-09 21:49:04

Or "It was children & GPs only"

Would she have come if invited-if not, don´t bother yourself.

dilemma456 Sat 19-Sep-09 21:49:40

Message withdrawn

hambler Sat 19-Sep-09 21:49:45

I would never have expected an invitation to my nieces' and nephews' child parties.

The only parties I have been invited to have been family ones where it was all cousins, aunts and uncles stuff

hambler Sat 19-Sep-09 21:51:37

In fact I would not appreciate being invited to a kiddie party of a niece/ nephew ! I would find a reason not to go

panicpants Sat 19-Sep-09 21:53:18

Hambler, thats my thinking too. You don't invite every family member to a child's birthday party do you? I guess grandparents are an exception to the rule..but surely it's children to a childrens' party only??

corriefan Sat 19-Sep-09 21:53:41

It's really tiresome and confusing when family members insist on being offended by ridiculous things. I'm always paranoid that I might offend people in mine or dh's family in some way.

I'd say something jokey back like "yes, must have done, but don't worry there's still a bit of jelly and ice cream left" And go onto say how ds liked his present (if she sent one). I'd avoid getting into the well you didn't do this scenario or feel forced into explaining why she wasn't invited.

panicpants Sat 19-Sep-09 21:55:17

Corriefan...no, no present, and the card which she sent (despite living less than a mile away), was for a baby and pink!

corriefan Sat 19-Sep-09 22:04:25

The cheek of some people!

panicpants Sat 19-Sep-09 22:06:16

I know!!!!!!!!!!

CurlyhairedAssassin Sat 19-Sep-09 22:14:11

Ignore it all - she sounds nuts (sorry!). It's amazing how we let ourselves get wound up by the words or actions of our closes relatives. With our rational heads on, if it were a non-relative we would just distance ourselves from them, but for some reason we feel obliged to put up with the shitty behaviour of relatives. whatever you do, don't let it wind you up. People, ignore the mad relative in the family who offends everyone (and there's one in every family!)

2rebecca Sat 19-Sep-09 22:15:33

I thought it was just in the Archers that every relative had to come to a child's (or anyone else's) birthday party.
My kids just have their parents and friends, might have had grandparents when they were younger if they lived nearer but not their sibs, would cramp the kids style a bit and make it seem less of a kids party if loads of rellies. Now they are older they def wouldn't want rellies and only tolerate us because the party/ bowling etc wouldn't happen without us.

2rebecca Sat 19-Sep-09 22:16:42

sorry should have been not their parents sibs.

panicpants Sat 19-Sep-09 22:17:40

Curly - you are exactly right. I shall ignore her.

kateGB Sat 19-Sep-09 22:18:25

There are bigger problems here than just her being somehow offended that she didn't get an invite.

She seems to be estranged from the family for some reason ? Perhaps her being upset at this is just a symptom of a wider issue with how she feels about her place in the family?

I personally would make a joke back in some way about how you didn't really want to go to a 4yr olds b'day party yourself so didn't want to inflict it on anyone else who would feel obliged to go (Grandparents dont count!) and then launch into some other topic.

thumbwitch Sat 19-Sep-09 22:18:57

ignore it - don't rise to it - she sounds like a PITA anyway.

My sis gave big all-people parties for her DDs until they were 4 - and then they became children-only parties, to which I would not have wanted to be invited (and wasn't).

Sounds like your 3rd sister is just finding another reason to snipe at you - don't add to her fun by rising to it.

OR if you really want to say something back, you could say "sorry, the party was mainly for 4yos, didn't realise you still fitted into that category" - but that would be just as childish, so probably best to just ignore. grin

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours Sat 19-Sep-09 22:21:57

Sounds like she needs to get a proper social life if she's upset at not being ivnted to a kids party.

As everyone says, ignore it (if you can, I know I would be typing something back along the lines of 'no, just didn't invite you' )

panicpants Sun 20-Sep-09 18:53:53

Thanks everyone, yes you are all right. I shall just ignore it. Thanks!

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