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I'm actually asking because I don't know.

(110 Posts)
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Sat 19-Sep-09 17:03:40

I'm pregnant, having a very hard time at work being bullied, and I've had hideous headaches and been in and out of hospital for weeks.

DH has said as it's his birthday next week we'll have a small family party to celebrate sort of hopefully coming through the otherside of a very shit couple of months. It's my birthday the week after so as we both work alllllllll the time, he has said that we'll spend the day and night together doing whatever I want for a change. We planned this a few weeks ago and have been counting down the days to something nice!! I said that I wanted to go away for the day to something we'd wanted to go to for a while, then at the night I wanted us to have a special tea, DVD and to chill out together for the first time in ages (and perhaps have an early night since we never get the chance with a toddler) my mum was going to have our son for the night. We had started to save as we are in bad debt and so we literally have to save for these things.

Today SIL came round to tell us she has gotten engaged to her partner. Apparently they picked out a ring over a month ago but have been waiting for it to come. MIL knew, but was the only one, and as the ring came yesterday they have decided to tell people.

MIL, who really dislikes me and makes life very hard for me - much similar to another thread that is on AIBU at the moment called 'another MIL thread'. She has decided to have a party for them on my birthday. When she did our engagement party, they were all allowed to invite their family and friends, but I wasn't allowed to even have one of my friends there, but I'm sure it will be different for SIL. I said 'Oh I can't make it, it's my birthday' immediately without thinking and SIL said 'yes she knows it's your birthday, she's only having it on that date if [her new husband] is off work so it might not be that date. But if it is you are bloody coming.'

The reason MIL won't have it the week after is because it's her sister's grandson's birthday party in the day time and the week after they are having a 'piss up' for all the adults of the family to celebrate the boy's 3rd birthday. Which I think is strange anyway.

I really don't want to go on my birthday, do I have to?

I'll probably end up going anyway but I wanted to ask on here.

JemAtTheParrotsTable Sat 19-Sep-09 17:07:24

How horrid, it's shite.
Talk to your partner, sort it out with them first. It is his mam..yes? What does he think about how you feel?

diddl Sat 19-Sep-09 17:07:26

What does your hubby think?

You already have plans.

They have waited a month to rell people.

What differebce would it make for them to wait another week or two for their party?

diddl Sat 19-Sep-09 17:09:21

Oops, lots of typos!!blush.

I supposed it depends how badly your hubby wants to go to his sister´s engagement party.

StewieGriffinsMom Sat 19-Sep-09 17:10:35

Message withdrawn

mamas12 Sat 19-Sep-09 17:11:22

Do what makes you and dh happy. If that means going go, but go with good grace and enjoy it, if You can't see yourself doing that then do what you need to do.
Sounds like you will be in the wrong whatever you do so hmm

ArizonaBarker Sat 19-Sep-09 17:12:41

But you already have plans.

So just say "Oh what a shame, we can't come. have a lovely time."

Simple.

YANBU.

LynetteScavo Sat 19-Sep-09 17:15:27

YANBU - you shouldn't go if you don't want to - there is no way my DH would make me go; he's always made it clear to his family I come first.

Very angry and sad for you.

captainmillenniumflint Sat 19-Sep-09 17:16:02

don't go. your sil has a bloody cheek angry

PrincessToadstool Sat 19-Sep-09 17:17:33

"SIL said 'yes she knows it's your birthday, she's only having it on that date if [her new husband] is off work so it might not be that date. But if it is you are bloody coming.'"

shock

Tell her to fuck off!

IMO engagement parties are bollocks anyway (sorry to everyone who's ever had one) so I certainly wouldn't go if it clashed with other plans. No way.

diddl Sat 19-Sep-09 17:17:53

Your SIL does sound very rude, and knowing it´s your birthday and you have plans they should change the day-unless they have a booking that they cannot cancel.

If that´s the case, they should understand if you cannot make it, IMO.

BrokenBananaTantrum Sat 19-Sep-09 17:19:22

don't go. they are gits for expecting of you.Bloody incosiderate of the. Stuff it an do your own thing as planned.

WhereYouLeftIt Sat 19-Sep-09 17:20:20

YANBU. Your plans not only predate theirs, but frankly they outrank them. And your husband needs to grow a pair and sort his mother and sister out! You've had a rough time of it lately and he needs to take care of this to stop it adding to your stress.

CarGirl Sat 19-Sep-09 17:21:24

if you ended up going (not that you should IMO) then ensure you wear "Birthday girl" sash and make a huge thing about it being your birthday.........

EvilEdnasTwinSister Sat 19-Sep-09 17:22:23

She sounds horrible, like my (thankfully) now ex-SIL.

If you have already made other plans stick to them.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Sat 19-Sep-09 17:26:59

DH is totally on SIL's side. He's just come home from work and we've had a HUGE row... so now I'm crying on top of everything. Hate MIL.

ChunkyMonkeysMum Sat 19-Sep-09 17:27:12

YANBU at all !!! I wouldn't go if it was my birthday. Hopefully your DH will feel the same, then let him tell them that neither of you will be there as you have already had plans for that day for ages.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Sat 19-Sep-09 17:30:43

And he said he WILL NOT be missing his sister's engagement do. Sick to death of his family.

TeamEdwardTango Sat 19-Sep-09 17:31:52

DH may be on SIL/MIL's side, but still don't go yourself. Enjoy a quiet night in with a good DVD and a takeawy, or a night out with friends who appreciate you and want to celebrate with you.

DO NOT BUY THEM AN ENGAGEMENT PRESENT!!

diddl Sat 19-Sep-09 17:32:02

Is there any point in talking to SILs fiance, or would that cause more problems?

Did your hubby hear how nasty his sister was to you?

If she hadn´t been so nasty, would you go?

DoingTheBestICan Sat 19-Sep-09 17:33:14

YANBU,i wouldnt go,it seems to me that your mil knew exactly what she was doing by planning the engagement party on your bday.

She sounds horrible & i wish you luck & a happy bday.

captainmillenniumflint Sat 19-Sep-09 17:33:54

has your "d"h forgotten that he suggested you spend the day/evening together in the first place? even more angry

bamboobutton Sat 19-Sep-09 17:35:23

engagement parties are exremely arrogant imo! how many parties and presents do people need when they get married!?

don't go. get a dvd and enjoy a quiet night in on your own.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Sat 19-Sep-09 17:35:27

I just don't want to. I wouldn't want to spend my birthday with them anyway and I never have a day of doing what I want to do. But it's tough now anyway because as far as he's concerned I'm 'trying to cause arguements'.

Suppose it doesn't help that I'm hormonal.

StewieGriffinsMom Sat 19-Sep-09 17:36:29

Message withdrawn

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