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to be sympathetic but at the same time thinking it's their own fault

(53 Posts)
mummygirl Sat 19-Sep-09 13:21:10

A couple we know seem to be allergic to car seats. They have three children, 3 months, 2 years and 3.5 years. With their first they were using a car seat in the car, but it was more of a container rather than a safety measure, aas the baby was not strapped in the seat.

They always claimed that it was all absolutely safe as they only do short trips within town at 30mph. Have they never heard/read any stats?

I saw the mum two weeks ago with all three children in the car: the little one in a moses basket at the front seat and the other two thrown at the back. Back windows open and the eldest hanging half out of the widnow while the two-year old was jumping up and down (it makes you wonder how can she drive with all this going on). I thought I'd never do this as it seems very dangerous, but each to their own when it comes to their kids.

Well, easy to say "each to their own", but certain laws are there to protect children from behaviours like this (although there are OTT child protection laws).

Three days ago we heard their DC2 is in hospital, we went to visit and found her in a right state. Someone jumped out of a crossroad, mum had to slam the breaks on and she flew from the back seat onto the windscreen (or so the story goes). Poor thing, it's face is smashed in, she will recover and they believe there's no long-term damage done (fingers crossed), but she'll have to stay there for some time.

I feel their pain, I'm very sad for them and have been supportive emotionally and practically. But I understand that they're very angry at the other driver and can't see AT ALL where they've gone wrong. This would have been a minor incident had the baby been in a carseat... But it looks liek they haven't learnt anything

AIBU to think they should accept responsibility and change habits re: carseats?

mummygirl Sat 19-Sep-09 13:21:36

Wow, this turned out much bigger than expected, sorry

yorkyporky Sat 19-Sep-09 13:27:01

It's not the 2yr old's fault is it . Totally is the parents fault though. The child would be completely unharmed if it had been in a proper seat . Have you told them that? I would have to.

TsarChasm Sat 19-Sep-09 13:32:40

YANBU! Poor poor babysad

Some people don't get it at all do they?sad

They think just because they don't drive far, drive carefully etc that that covers all angles wrt safety.

I hope they see this as a wake up to get the correct seats. I feel so strongly that I'd probably make myself unpopular saying it to them straight tbh.

My inlaws were squeezing too many dc in their car and driving about with one of my dc unsecured on mil's lap. I went nutsangry

Apparantly it was ok because 'we didn't go far and only on quiet back roads'hmm I only found out when dd in all innocence mentioned these journeys in grandma's car and I worked out how many people she was talking about.

mummygirl Sat 19-Sep-09 13:33:03

Well, we have discussed carseats in the past and I've always said that I won't drive my kids a single metre if they're not properly strapped in a carseat. I have been accused of being OTT, but I say better safe and OTT than sorry.
I thought though that this is not a good time to point out to them the issue. But someone's got to...
They think it's the other driver's fault as "can't he see we have kids in the car"? Err.. no! He didn't do it on purpose, these things happen, that's what safety measures are for.

mummygirl Sat 19-Sep-09 13:34:45

Tsar, I'd punch mil in the face, that's a hell of a liberty to take with someone else's child

diddl Sat 19-Sep-09 13:37:39

Are the police involved or-dare I mention-SS?

nellie12 Sat 19-Sep-09 13:38:00

full sympathy to them but as I wouldn't wish an injured child on anyone but, I would be interested in what the police have to say as I imagine they will be involved.

harrisonnnn Sat 19-Sep-09 13:39:50

I agree with mummygairl (but not about the violence towards MIL, better to educate hersmile)

ChildOfThe70s Sat 19-Sep-09 13:42:26

Mummygirl, I too am regularly made to feel as though I am completely OTT when I refuse offers of lifts in friends' cars with not enough carseats. I am just not willing to take any risks - however safe their driving might be you just can't tell what other drivers may do. As your poor friends have discovered to their DC's cost sad

ilikeyoursleeves Sat 19-Sep-09 13:45:48


I can't believe some people can be so lax about safety, it makes me so angry

YANBU at all, hopefully the police or someone will give them a good talking to and a big fine as well.

TsarChasm Sat 19-Sep-09 13:46:26

I'm still mad as hell about it MG and was mightily tempted.

Inlaws know damn well how careful we've been about carseats over the years and how important we think they are. I was in total disbelief when I worked out what had been going on.

I think they're a tiny bit doggy about it now because if they want to take out my dc and their other grandson all together, one of them has to catch the bus. Well tough!

Back to your OP though, I'm surprised the hospital didn't take matters further. Poor little one and largely avoidable with the use of a carseat.

GoldenSnitch Sat 19-Sep-09 13:49:33

One of my Mum's best pieces of advice is "always assume everyone else on the road is an idiot who is about to do something really stupid"

It works because if you are always assuming that the car in front of you is about to brake/randomly turn off/pull out in front of that lorry etc then you are prepared for the odd occasion when they do.

DS has always been secruely seated in a car seat whenever we go out, it's the only way I can be sure he will be safe.

I should think the police will have been involved if there's been a crash but I would certainly have to mention something. Maybe give the local Police station a call and ask them to send someone to have a word with the parents about the children's safety?

CyradisTheSeer Sat 19-Sep-09 13:50:03

Message withdrawn

cheesesarnie Sat 19-Sep-09 13:50:17

id imagine police would be involved so hopefully they will tell them a few shocked that this hasnt made them see sense!could you have quiet word with hospital staff?

hope the dc is better soon and thankgod it wasnt more serious!

cheesesarnie Sat 19-Sep-09 13:50:53

GoldenSnitch-thats what im taught on my driving lessons!

MaMight Sat 19-Sep-09 13:52:56

I had a crash a couple of months back.

My car seat saved my toddler's life.

Cannot understand how people go in the car without strapping their kids in.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sat 19-Sep-09 13:53:45

I feel very sorry for the child who is hurt and really hope the mother has learnt her lesson.

OP - you know the children are not being strapped in any seats and you have a responsibility to report it - for the children's sake.

mummygirl Sat 19-Sep-09 13:59:01

there wasn't a "crash" as such, the cars never touched each other.
I have worked for the ss in the uk but I'm in Italy now and have no idea how the whole hospital-police-ss thing works. But the use of carseats is as much of a law here as anywhere else in europe.
Not sure if I wanna put them in trouble.

Heated Sat 19-Sep-09 14:03:19

Your friends - do they have many brain cells between them? Even if they have supreme assurance in their own remarkable driving skills they cannot, surely, have the same in everyone else on the road. It's unfortunate their child was hurt - shame it wasn't them instead - but hopefully the police will be involved.

In the the course of a driving week I generally have to take avoiding action at least once - such as controlled breaking at 70mph to avoid the Mondeo driver today who pulled out of the slip lane straight to the outside lane with the twattish confidence that no one else would be there.

CyradisTheSeer Sat 19-Sep-09 14:04:30

Message withdrawn

mummygirl Sat 19-Sep-09 14:06:06

no. No they don't.
And don't call them my friends, they are people we know. You know, a "expat-get-together" kinda thing

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sat 19-Sep-09 14:06:44

Why are you not sure about getting them into trouble? hmm

they could have killed their child.

You must report them now.

RealityIsNOTDetoxing Sat 19-Sep-09 14:07:19

Message withdrawn

cheesesarnie Sat 19-Sep-09 14:42:54

if you dont tell police/hospital,how will you feel if next time it is more serious?theyve obviously not learnt from this sadly.

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