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AIBU?

to want to try again ASAP? (probably am tbh)

15 replies

OracleInaCoracle · 17/09/2009 18:01

so finally stopped bleeding on sunday, my 10th mc has left me very shaken and emotional. the mw who scanned me said that we should wait a month or two before ttc again. however, i know that this is to aid with dating rather than being for any medical reason.

my instinct is to ttc again straight away, i am fertile now (have been since yesterday) but dh wont come near me. he is worried that the last mc knocked me around sooo much (definate infection too which is cleared up) that getting pg again will be a v bad move.

i do understand why he is so reluctant, but surely i should follow my own instincts? if i feel ready again, that should be enough? right?

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juuule · 17/09/2009 18:07

So sorry to hear about your m/c.

I would say that if you feel better ttc again straight away then that is what you should do.

If you feel ready then I agree with you that should be enough.

However, remember that you dh could be upset by everything - worried about you, upset at the loss and maybe he might need a bit of time to recover, too. Talk to him about how you feel okay and would feel better if you tried and it might put him more at ease about things.

Good luck for whatever you decide.

Buda · 17/09/2009 18:08

Oh lissie. I didn't know.

TBH I would wait. Give yourself and your body the best possible chance. you need to recover. You don't want to maybe conceive now, have another miscarriage and then starting wondering if it was because you didn't wait.

I am sorry you are still going through all this.

OracleInaCoracle · 17/09/2009 18:28

thanks both. i do understand why he's so reluctant. we really thought this was it and the last two mc's have been horrendous with a lot of blood loss and infection, but i cant seem to let go of it. keep thinking - "what if this is the month" but i know the odds on this being the month are pretty crap.

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Prinpo · 17/09/2009 19:42

Oh, I'm so so sorry to hear about your m/c. I agree that if you're ready then that's what's right for you but, equally, if dh isn't then it's obviously not right for him. I would imagine that pushing the issue will cause longer term upset. Perhaps waiting a month would give him some time to recover emotionally.

I don't know anything about your background but are you having some medical support to find out why this has happened to you so many times? I can only imagine how devastated you are. I m/c a few months ago and all I want is to be pregnant again. It's a real longing, isn't it? I understand too that urge to 'get on with it' and just do anything to maximise your chances of getting pregnant so I have no easy answers for you.

I suppose that being realistic, whilst this may be "the month", it probably won't but what is more certain is that there will be other months.

Best of luck to you both.

StealthPolarBear · 17/09/2009 19:43

was wondering how you were.
As long as there aren't any medical reasons, I think you should do whatever feels best.

OracleInaCoracle · 17/09/2009 19:56

thanks again, we have been offered specialist counselling by the EPAS nurse which i think we shall try. im trying not to force trhe matter, but i want this so badly, we both do.

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hannahsaunt · 17/09/2009 20:22

I found out in retrospect that it's not recommended to conceive month following a m/c - greatly increased chances of molar and other pregnancy disorders; I had a blighted ovum pregnancy and had to have an ERPC at 12wks which was deeply unpleasant and we waited another 3 months before ttc while I healed physically and emotionally.

dcb · 17/09/2009 20:25

So sorry lissielou - i've only had one mc so can't begin to imagine how you must both be feeling. I understand the urge to get pg asap though. But maybe you could both do with a bit of time - i don't know really though? perhaps a bit of time not being pg might be a good thing? you must have spent a lot of time being pg i guess. agree with buda really xxx

juuule · 17/09/2009 21:27

Hannahsaunt - where have you heard that conceiving soon after m/c increases risk of molar pg and other things?

Yorky · 17/09/2009 21:44

Lissie, I know how badly you want a sibling for your lovely DS but I really do think you're better off waiting at least for this month. let your body get its breath back, as it were.

From your DH's point of view too, the timing is pretty rough on him - he will be so worried and protective of you when you fall pregnant, how can he be away during that special but nerve wracking time?

groundhogs · 17/09/2009 22:09

Oh feeling for you lissie, that's really tough, but you sound like you know that 'this is the month' may not be the way to think about it.

In any event, you DH is rightfully worried about you, sometimes it's kinda bad/worse for them cos they see us suffer and not only can they not do anything about it, they feel somewhat involved in that they are part of the bad stuff, life threatening stuff that you are going through.

Talk about it and agree it with DH.

Give yourself a month or ideally 2, for everything to calm down a little, your body, hormones etc to regroup and then again, once more into the breach dear friend...

Wishing you well!

PacificDogwood · 17/09/2009 22:14

lissie, at your 10th MC! I hadn't realised you had been through quite that much .
Go with what feels right to you, I think. Having said that, you are probably rather unlikely to conceive this soon after a MC. However, I do not think there would be anything wrong with a bit of love making if you feel like it, and if it leads to the desired result, all the better!
Wishing you lots of luck.

hannahsaunt · 18/09/2009 09:22

Sorry - went to bed last night - was advised by various medical professionals (midwives, obstetrician and GP) and this was backed up by reading from assorted medical journals and texts. HTH

juuule · 18/09/2009 09:31

Thanks for the reply.

I've just never heard of that and was concerned as I have often said to people that it's okay to try again as soon as you want, even the first month. This is what I've been told by the various hcp that I've come into contact with after my m/cs. I was led to believe the only downside was with dating the pregnancy if you didn't have a period.

I'll go and look it up.

Lissie sorry if this is a bit of a hijack. Thinking of you today and wishing you well.

OracleInaCoracle · 20/09/2009 09:51

thanks all. i know that dh is worried about me, this has been particularly bad.

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