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long sorry. My partners career has stalled (partly due to our child)

(17 Posts)
thesecondcoming Thu 17-Sep-09 08:59:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Litchick Thu 17-Sep-09 09:12:34

What will he be writing?

thesecondcoming Thu 17-Sep-09 09:15:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itsmeolord Thu 17-Sep-09 09:17:46

Sounds like you are both fed up.

He has left a well paid job in a city where he knew loads of people and enjoyed his work to come and live with you after an unplanned pregnancy and do a job he doesn't like and is feeling massively unfulfilled.

You have lost a well paid job, had another child and have to deal with two toddlers as well as a fed up partner.

Not good all round really.

So why did your partner have to move to Manchester? Is there no way you can move within reasonable commuting distance of London to allow your partner to get a better job?
If you are planning to be a childminder then as long as you have suitable accomodation you can do it anywhere. Loads of people need childcare within the commuter towns.

fishie Thu 17-Sep-09 09:18:09

a week off work is one thing, 2-3 hours a night forever is another. have you asked him what he's writing?

thesecondcoming Thu 17-Sep-09 09:21:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itsmeolord Thu 17-Sep-09 09:27:32

You don't have to live in London though, there are plenty of places that are within a reasonable commute.

You need to find a fair compromise otherwise your relationship will end up full of resentment from both sides.
I'm not saying that you absolutely should be moving back to Mondon etc etc, but I do think that both of you need to sit down and look at where you want to be in 5 yrs time and how you can achieve that together.

Litchick Thu 17-Sep-09 09:27:32

The reason I asked what he was writing is that I know from bitter experience that if it's a book it's going to need a couple of hours a day to get it done in anything like a year.

When my children were tiny and I put them to bed at seven I used to write until eight thirty when DH came home.

But the downsaid was there was no food made and the house was a disaster zone. grin.
DH was very supportive.
Ad I sold the book [grin,grin].

Maybe you need to ask what exactly he's tryng to do then you might feel able to support.

itsmeolord Thu 17-Sep-09 09:28:14

London. Sorry, I have a new keyboard.

Merrylegs Thu 17-Sep-09 09:31:27

What kind of music was he writing about in London? Is there no music scene in Manchester? Does he have to be office bound? Could he not be out and about, reviewing, gigging and filing his copy to his London contacts?

GrendelsMum Thu 17-Sep-09 09:32:08

I think you may both be being fairly reasonable. Of course it's rubbish for you to have no adult company in the evenings, and to have to keep looking after the kids. But he may feel his writing is the only chance to get back into some better form of work, which would benefit the whole family.

Unpleasant as it is (especially for your DD1), I think you may need to move somewhere to get new jobs for you both. No wonder you're both miserable if you've gone from having interesting and fulfilling careers to just about scraping by doing jobs you dislike / tolerate. I should think that if he doesn't get himself back in the industry soon, he's going to be permanently out of it, stuck in this boring and badly paid job (though I suppose he could look at moving to teaching, etc).

It seems the real problem, though, is that he presented you with a fait accompli, rather than treating your family life as a partnership that has to be negotiated.

ReneRusso Thu 17-Sep-09 09:47:15

I never planned to bring up my kids in London, but its really not so bad. Infact there are many advantages. And as itsmeolord said you don't have to live in London, there are lots of nice places that are commutable. Anyway, that is by the by, sounds like you need to have a talk about his plans. If you know what he is writing and why, then you can buy into it a bit more and be supportive.

thesecondcoming Thu 17-Sep-09 13:54:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tethersend Thu 17-Sep-09 14:12:54

I think he probably wants to move back to 2006 to be honest... (pre recession, rather than pre baby wink)

If it makes you (and him) feel any better, the job market here in London is shit too.

thesecondcoming Thu 17-Sep-09 14:31:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Merrylegs Thu 17-Sep-09 15:07:42

Yes, he should have made the most of his contacts, and yours, and his skills when he first moved up, tbh. Lots of opportunities for some freelance writing I should imagine. (I did it when I moved out of London to follow DH's job. I didn't stop writing and cut all my London contacts. Attachments, email and the phone are wonderful things!)

So I can see why you would be p\d off with that.

So is he very motivated? Will he see this writing through do you think? Will there be a purpose to it and a means to an end? Or do you think he is perhaps being a little self-indulgent?

thesecondcoming Thu 17-Sep-09 15:18:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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