I cant cope with my son ...(9 Posts)
Hi babe ...
I cannot cope with my thriteen year old... Today started badly - we got halfway to my daughters school (after being late in the first place because he was so slow this morning ) and he announced that he couldnt do football after school as he had forgotten his shinpads and socks..I said we would go home and get them as its the first week of football he needed to go.. He would have to get a late mark and explain why he was late ..
So eventually I get him to school..
He then leaves his key behind - we had gone through all the arrangements for after school several times and he assured me he knew exactly what he was doing and had his key on case football was not on and he had to get hmself home - he knew we were going to the to my daughters swim lesson .
After school I get that call from him - mum where are you ?
Eventually at 5.20 he calls and says where are you ? I dont have my key and Ive just got off the bus ...
I told him he would have to walk ,.
After a bit I was unwilling to let him wait too long, so I made ds leave her drink and crisps and I left my coffee to drive home to find him...
He comes in - all ok until teatime, I called him several times - having told him that dinner would be in fifteen minutes when we got home he chose to ignore me..so I left his dinner on the side .
Eventually he comes down and throws a strop because its cold - refusing to eat it.. I told him to not be so bloody rude and that he had been called for dinner and that he would have to eat it cold if he couldnt be bothered to come down when he was called. I told him to sit down and eat it or I would throw it out ..
His response - "fine - I dont care "
so I gave it to the dog..
then he goes ballistic,throws his shoes and gets up and gets aggressive - ds is sitting eating dinner, I tell him he needs to go upstairs and tidy his room and sort the washing as he has been told to do.
he refuses and I warn him that if he doesnt I will take his laptop etc.. He starts laughing at me - going on about his rights ..
SO i go up and remove ipod, laptop, xbox all of it.. he comes tearing in accusing me of all sorts of breaches of his civil liberties and laughing at me ..
then he say hes going out. I say no you arent you will do your room as you have been told. so he goes downstairs, laughing at me as he does so.
then he goes to the backdoor and tries to go out - I say No ... his sister jumps in front of him and he ignroes us both and opens the door hurting her ..
I warn my daugheter to stay out of his way.
He then grabs the keys and tries to get into the garage - I stop him telling him he cant take anything .
Then he leaves - hes telling his sister that he hopes we die and that he is going to kill her cat ..
hes standing on the drive going oh just go and die...
Now tell me what the hell am I supposed to do ...?
sorry, no constructive advice but don;t want you to go unanswered
you need custardo, queen of teen advice!
hopefully she'll be along in a bit
Go out there and nicely say that you've put the kettle on and will he come in and have a cup of tea with you. And that you'll make him a sandwich to go with it if he wants...
Sounds to me as though you've both had a bad day and you've let each situation escalate more than it needs to. He is only 13 - he's not a reasonable mature person yet so go easy on him. He needs to understand that he can't behave rudely/aggressively though - but if you back him into a corner you're not going to get the best out of him....
I don't have teenagers but now at this point I would ignore, ignore, ignore. The situation needs to calm down now. Just be totally cool and calm and continue with your and your dd's evening.
Personally I wouldn't have taken everthing away in the first place, just the laptop as was first said, then if he continued another thing, then another etc till he sorted himself out.
You need some Mums of teenagers to help you with this, you could try posting it in on the "Teenagers" board.
I am quite new to posting here .. I will go and find the teens board..
thank you for eplying ..it has been an awful day but there seem to be so many of them with my ds these days ..
I just find it eally hard to cope sometimes..
Kids huh ? xxxxxxx
Is the lack of memory usual or a one of?
If it's always been the case since he was small, then i'd be looking to see if he ahd some kind oforganisational issues going on (speak tos chool).... if it'srecent or a one off, you might find the answer there: Steve Biddulph ahs useful tips for this age range in 'how to raise boys', I haven't a teenager (do have 4 boys aged 1.5 - 10) and from the stages we've been through so far he seems fairly good.
If it's a one off thing or recent though you need to work out what's behind it- what's he hoping to achieve by it? Is he wanting mroe attention- you sound fairly busy (aren't we all) is he feeling (unjustifiably no doubt) left out? Does he really want to go to footie?
Random one this. Is he being bullied at school?
Have yet to have a teenager to deal with, so no advice just sympathy. What a rubbish day for you.
Sounds like you both had a really bad day. Your DS's behaviour is absolutely textbook teenager strop and will probably continue for the next 2/3 years - try and blame the hormones, not him. My advice - easy to say, I know - is to remember you are the adult, take a deep breath and don't get involved in an argument where neither of you can win. With the cold dinner thing, yes you were right but you should have stopped at the point where he said he wasn't going to eat it. Just calmly said ok, and left it on the table, then left it up to him and refused to have any further debate about what he was or wasn't going to eat. Giving it to the dog is very confrontational!! (but quite funny). I think you wound each other up to a point where neither of you could back down, so bound to end in tears. Hope tomorrow will be a better day.
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