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To want some support and not be put down all the time??

(15 Posts)
cupcakesnomore Wed 16-Sep-09 19:55:34

For many years, I've struggled with my weight and only this July did I realise that I needed to do something about it. I've joined a diet club, which has been fantastic and helped me loose 1st9lbs so far( and counting )

The support from group each week is fab but when I get home I am made to feel bad!

For example, I lost 0.5lbs this week. Which I was pleased about as it's my TOTM and I always weigh heavy. but I come home and he tell him and he says "That's terrible"

The plan is quite flexible and allows foods such as pasta and potatoes to be eaten freely, among other things. So when I sit down to eat I get comments ( almost every meal time) "You can't eat that" or "That amount of food is discusting" or "You'll never loose weight if you eat that". I am eating it and am loosing weight put the put downs are really getting to me and it's making it harder.

He is a stict calorie counter and has lost weight himself and is obsessed with his calories. He never goes over his self assessed allowance and sometimes eats less than I think he should.

Part of me wonders if he's jelous that I am eating so much and him so little and me still loosing weight.

When I won slimmer of the week he didn't believe me when I told him and asked to see my certificate.

Self esteem is low anyway and his attitude is not helping matters!

AIBU to want support and not be put down all the time? What can I say to him?

I've had to name change as I'm so embarassed about my size and worry that if you saw who I really was you wouldn't ever speak to me again because i'm fat

ABitBatty Wed 16-Sep-09 20:15:03

God what a tosser ! Yes he does sound jealous. He will be jelous that you are eating as much of what you want (within the principles) and losing weight, and finding it relativley easily. If he has to obsessivley count his calories he will feel resentful but I bet he won't admit it and do your plan! So instead he is transferring his resentfulness onto you by making comments like he is. Not very nice!

I'm doing SW grin and have lost 5st10lbs so far and have had some crazy comments off people.

And as for people not liking you because you are fat, that is nonsense. It has took me losing weight to realise people will like you and talk to you for the person you are- not what size you are. A friend of mine said to me 'you are a nice person whether you are fat or thin' grin

BrokenBananaTantrum Wed 16-Sep-09 20:16:22

OMG your DH sounds very envy to me. I'm fat so you wouldn't have had to name change for me i'll always talk to you - fat / thin / whatevver.

I think you are doing bloody brilliantly. I have struggled with my weight for years and calorie counting has NEVER worked for me as I always end up feeling really deprived. Losing weight is about learning to eat "normally" and the sort of eating plan you are following sounds like one that will be successful because you don't end up starving all the time or depriving yourself of stuff.

Food is all about having things in moderastion. (I'm not good at this) but if you are sticking to an eating plan that is working for you KEEP GOING.

The more weight you lose the more you will feel confident and in control of food instead of it controlling you.

Please DO NOT listen to people who are putting you down. Many partners of people who lose weight start to feel threatened by it. They often think that you will not run off with anyone else becasue you are fat and when the beutiful slimmer you start to emerge they start to shit themselves and realise that you will be attractive to lost of new people. BTW you were attractive to lots of other people when you were fatter too!

Bloody good luck to you. KEEP IT UP and don't let the buggers grind you down.

LuluMaman Wed 16-Sep-09 20:20:55

i'm a bit of a heifer, and i am at the stage of my life, i frankly do not care what other people think !!

your partner/husband is being very unkind

he sounds like he has a bit of an eating problem in the making, if he is a strict calorie counter, obsesseed and eats less than he is 'allowed'

also saying that eating that amount of food is 'disgusting'; would be sounding warning bells for me

well done on losing the weight!!

i am sad you feel unable to post this in your real name

i am a size 1816 grin and am carrying lots some extra weight, but i wear lovely clothes and feel good about myself, i am regularly described as well groomed and glamorous.!! if people don't want to speak to you because they are fat, they are the ones with the problem, not you

being fat, or overweight does not make you a bad person, or someone not worth caring about

being the sort of person who judges somoene else nad thinks less of them for how they look is not worth a second glance IMO

cupcakesnomore Wed 16-Sep-09 20:24:59

thank-you for all your kind messages. Brought a smile to my age and also a tear to my eye ( Well quite a few tears actually! blush )

LuluMaman Wed 16-Sep-09 20:27:00

don';t be daft.. poor you

is this your DH? has he always been like this

CharCharGabor Wed 16-Sep-09 20:29:41

Agree with everyone else's posts. I felt really sad when I read your post, cupcakes, you sound so upset after doing so well. Obsessively counting calories is not a healthy way to diet, losing weight gradually leaves you much more likely to keep it off. I think it sounds like a chat with him is in order, I would be devastated if DP spoke to me like this. It's a shame you felt you ad to namechange, noone would judge you, I'm sure. I am four stones overweight and am a shorty so it really shows. I am gradually trying to change things (slowed down slightly by being pregnant) but it is difficult and I need all the help I can get.

Well done you smile

BrokenBananaTantrum Wed 16-Sep-09 20:32:11

CharCharGabor - how is your pregnancy going? I'm thinking of having baby number 2 but i'm 4 stone over weight and only 5 foot tall!

pixiblue Wed 16-Sep-09 20:33:02

Congrats on your weight loss so far. He sounds envy to me. It must be really hard to ignore comments like that though. My dh was in a bad mood last week and was sniping comments at me about my size all week and it's really hurtful. Have you told him how much his comments upset you? Obvious but maybe he needs an earful. Otherwise just ignore him and carry on doing what you're doing.

You don't have to namechange for me, I have tons loads to loose but just can't get my mind in the right place. Really, really well done to you! smile

CharCharGabor Wed 16-Sep-09 20:37:31

Pregnancy is going brilliantly BBT. I was slightly concerned that I would struggle a bit more but I can't say it's massively different to my pregnancy with DD although I am a bit more tired. I put that down to chasing after a toddler though grin I wasn't referred at my booking in appointment and when I raised my wish for a homebirth they didn't bat an eyelid. Although obviously I'm aware it's better to be a healthy weight when pregnant, I'm really not struggling. I'm also lucky that in pg my metabolism goes up and my weight has stayed static so far, so I'm hoping the weight will drop off easier this time round. HTH smile (and sorry to hijack cupcakes)

hatesponge Wed 16-Sep-09 20:40:30

He sounds a total arse, and a jealous one at that.

It's possibly he's being ignorant rather than deliberately mean, but either way it's not fair on you.

Relationships should be about mutual support- he should be praising you not making you feel bad about your efforts. And you have made efforts, and done fantastically well, so good for you

overmydeadbody Wed 16-Sep-09 20:41:21

What a horrible man. Of corse YANNBU. Has he always put you down like this?

And of course we would not stop speak to you because we suddenly thought you where fat you silly mare smile

curiositykilled Wed 16-Sep-09 20:50:41

cupcakes - Of course you should be getting support and encouragement!

It sounds to me like he has a very unhealthy attitude to weight loss, calories and food in general. He may be being disdainful because he has not understood about losing weight sensibly and having a healthy attitude to food. It is probably true that he doesn't realise his attitude is unhealthy either. In the long term I suspect this means he will not be able to maintain his weightloss.

You have a lot to be proud of:- losing a large amount of weight, winning slimmer of the week, maintaining your weightloss whilst also maintaining a healthy attitude towards food and doing all of this in the face of living with someone who has an unhealthy attitude, is also trying to lose weight and who is being rather mean and unsupportive.

I've never been more than slightly over-weight (25 though so give me time) but this sounds awfully like when XP and I tried to give up smoking at the same time. I tried and failed several times in the face of so much pressure (managed to give up straight away after he left me shock) and can really understand the pressure. He still smokes whilst I am completely smoke free. I think you are amazing for being so successful in the face of such pressure!

booyhoo Wed 16-Sep-09 20:55:59

first of all, well done !!!

you have done extremely well to lose so much weight since july, especially with no support from your partner.

secondly, no one on MN would stop talking to you because of your weight, we all come in different shapes and sizes and we are all here to give and receive advice and support

and finally, i am very sorry that your partner is jealous and controlling. he clearly gets alot of his strength from being so in control of his own diet. unfortunatly you are a completely separate being from him and his methods are not appropriate for you. has he seen your diet plan? if not, show him. explain to him that you can eat certain things freely according to your plan. and remind him continually of your success so far because you have succeeded in losing weight.

i would also suggest you try some confidence building exercises as this seems to be an issue for you.

please dont let these comments discourage you from your goal. you are doing really well. keep it up for yourself and you will reap the benefits both physically and psychologically.

cupcakesnomore Wed 16-Sep-09 22:08:04

thank-you everyone! You've really got me crying now but it's good tears. Thank-you to all of you for congratulating me on my loss and saying i've done well, have never really thought it before now

For those that asked, yes he has always been like this ( most of the time a complete Wank*r but hey ho!)

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