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Packing off babies to GPs for several months

(45 Posts)
FairMidden Wed 16-Sep-09 19:03:16

I'm going to offer no opinion on this beyond saying that I couldn't do it personally.

I spoke to someone today whose one year old child spent 4 months with her grandparents, overseas. I was shock because it seems incredible that someone could do that. AFAIK there was no underlying reason - all parties were happy with the arrangement.

Was IBU to be flabberghasted? If everyone's happy then fair enough, but it's a bit, er, unusual, isn't it?

I didn't pass comment on it - none of my business obviously - but I did wonder what MN's take was.

colditz Wed 16-Sep-09 19:04:06

Culturally normal and expected of some people.

melanielovescupcakes Wed 16-Sep-09 19:05:59

couldn't do it myself. miss my DS (7) when he's at grandparents for 1 night! each to their own though

FairMidden Wed 16-Sep-09 19:08:25

Really colditz? Tell me more - I'm intrigued, it's totally alien to me.

StayFrosty Wed 16-Sep-09 19:08:54

yanbu to be aghast at the thought of doing it yourself, but yabvu to sit in judgment on other people's arrangements. My dd is 2 and has spent large chunks of the summer at my parents as I am pg and have awful SPD - if I thought someone was frowning and shaking their head over my irresponsible (sorry, 'err unusual') ways (and trying to get randoms on the internet to do same) I would be devastated.

Arsed Wed 16-Sep-09 19:10:32

Lots of people leave their children and work abroad.

I worked with a girl from the phillipenes who had left her daughter for 2 years with her family and come here to work. She hated it but it was culturally normal.

FairMidden Wed 16-Sep-09 19:12:10

I'm not frowning, or shaking my head. I'm really not. This was totally fine for the family concerned, this woman was perfectly happy about it and her child is also obviously unscathed. I just hadn't even considered an idea like this and don't know anyone who's done anything similar so wondered if it was just my sheltered life or if it really is out of the ordinary.

lljkk Wed 16-Sep-09 19:12:41

When you say 'all parties happy with the arrangement' -- I can't help wondering if the baby really was happy about it.
I don't think it's unreasonable to wonder that.

LilianGish Wed 16-Sep-09 19:12:55

Lots of North African nannies in Paris have left their own children with grandparents or other family to work in France.

francagoestohollywood Wed 16-Sep-09 19:13:12

Oh we all know what MN will think, don't we?

I don't know what this person's circumstances are. Certainly many women who emigrate to Europe don't see their children for yrs, which is extremely sad.

Apart from these extreme situations, 4 months would be too much for me (and I'd worry about the grandparents' stamina). 2 weeks is the maximum, imho.

StayFrosty Wed 16-Sep-09 19:15:25

Well, fair enough, but your OP does come across as quite disapproving tbh. 'packing off' is not exactly a neutral way to put it.

Golda Wed 16-Sep-09 19:15:40

Its common in my culture. I've never done it but I've got friends who have. My dh spent every school holiday with an aunt and his brother went to gps.

cruelladepoppins Wed 16-Sep-09 19:15:51

I knew a girl from Eastern Europe who married in the UK and subsequently sent her baby DD back to the GPs in Eastern Europe so she could finish her studies.

bran Wed 16-Sep-09 19:16:34

Why wouldn't the baby be happy lljkk?

I know a few families that have done this, there was definitely a period of re-adjustment when the child moved back in with the parents permanently, but on the whole it seemed to work well. There also seem to be loads of families around here where the grand-parents have moved in order to be able to care for their grandchildren while the parents work, mostly Chinese or Indian but also African (of various races).

EldonAve Wed 16-Sep-09 19:17:56

I know people who did similar.
Their children their choice.

FairMidden Wed 16-Sep-09 19:21:29

I can see that the OP might sound judgey, badly worded in a poor effort to be concise but descriptive.

If this works for someone then great, as I said before. I am just shocked that it does work because I couldn't imagine it. That's all. I'm all for enlightening myself

Sagacious Wed 16-Sep-09 19:21:50

I read this as guinea pigs (but the hutch is too small)

Then doctors

(Was wondering if that was on the NHS)

Morloth Wed 16-Sep-09 19:24:01

Sounds good to me, if Australia wasn't quite so far (I would have to spend about 100hrs on a plane, dropping him off and picking him up!), then DS would have gone home for the last couple of summer holidays.

ilovemydogandmrobama Wed 16-Sep-09 19:31:01

I used to spend summers with my grandparents near Seattle when I was young and lived in California. Brilliant. grin

Chaotica Wed 16-Sep-09 19:35:01

Way back when I was at nursery my bf had just got back from her GPs . She'd been there for years (granny came to UK with her when she came over here to school and did all the childcare). I don't think there were any problems as a result. (My mum was rather envious I think.)

francagoestohollywood Wed 16-Sep-09 19:37:53

I used to spend most of the very long italian summer with my grandmother in the countryside. It was too hot to stay in Milan. My parents visited during weekends, as we weren't that far away grin

lljkk Wed 16-Sep-09 19:47:08

When I was 2yo I was packed off to my grandparents for 2 weeks (I barely knew them). When my mother came back she said I had a complete (and permanent) personality change, I became wary of her, disinclined to cuddle, much more emotionally reserved. My mother deeply rued the holiday she took without me.

My grandmother is a kind woman who had many of her own young children still at home then. I don't think anything bad happened. I was used to being in childcare most the day, too. But I wasn't happy being dumped with people I barely knew, not understanding where my parents were, why they had left me, or when they'd be back. My own story is why I can't help if the baby in OP's story was really happy about it.

lljkk Wed 16-Sep-09 19:48:18

...Can't help wondering if ..., ahem.

Romanarama Wed 16-Sep-09 19:51:01

Many of my italian friends send their children, including v.little ones, to gps at beach or country for the summer. That's because the holidays are 3 months + and it's too hot in the cities, with nothing to do.

It's a bit of an exaggeration to say it's 'culturally normal' for Filipino women to leave their little children to go abroad and be cleaners. It's certainly not at all unusual or surprising there, but they do it because they are poor and unemployed.

francagoestohollywood Wed 16-Sep-09 19:52:18

Oh I see. That's sad to hear lljkk. Lets hope that in this case the baby knew his grandparents a bit better.
I loved being with my grandmother (both gradnmothers really, though I saw more of my maternal grandmother)

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