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to find the term "parenting"; irritating?

(38 Posts)
inVlanderen Wed 16-Sep-09 18:10:19


millenniumfalcon Wed 16-Sep-09 18:10:55

and your preferred term would be? hmm

Portofino Wed 16-Sep-09 18:14:15

Is this a thread about a thread?

you Wed 16-Sep-09 18:14:40

Now, if you don't have anything nice to say...

inVlanderen Wed 16-Sep-09 18:26:30

No preferred term, definitely not..

And not a thread about a thread either (?)

I just find references to "parenting" irritating. When did people start constantly talking about parenting as if it were a job? With impossibly high standards...

Portofino Wed 16-Sep-09 18:54:47

I DO see your point. I think today's generation of parents do WORRY about things in a way previous generations didn't. And you get the statements that bringing up children in the "most important job in the world". This a relatively recent invention I think.

In the past, it wasn't common for women to work after they married. If they had lots of money they probably paid someone else for childcare. If they were poor, probably domestic tasks took up a lot of their time. This a bit of a generalisation but.....

I'm in the camp of cleaning, cooking, ironing, answering questions and a bit of benign neglect myself!

BitOfFun Wed 16-Sep-09 18:58:00

I agree. But "mothering" is worse.

2shoes Wed 16-Sep-09 19:03:12

but you knew that

inVlanderen Wed 16-Sep-09 19:07:28

Good! I´m not completely on my own then.. and I agree "mothering" is even worse.

I just think that people think too hard about how to bring up children and do too much for them. "Parenting" seems inherently unhealthy and benign neglect much more in the interests of the child. IMHO children should not be the centre of their parents universe but fit in around their parents.

edam Wed 16-Sep-09 19:07:36

I agree too. On grammatical grounds - OK, people do turn nouns into verbs but it sounds unpleasant to my ear. When did we change from being parents to people who do 'parenting'? As if it's a job, and you'll get an annual appraisal with KPIs and all...

LovelyTinOfSpam Wed 16-Sep-09 19:19:17

YANBU I hate the sound of it - what edam said.

edam Wed 16-Sep-09 19:23:12

(My appraisal will no doubt happen when ds is a teenager and starts slamming doors, telling me he hates me and details exactly where I've been going wrong all these years... I still won't like the word 'parenting' though. grin)

Portofino Wed 16-Sep-09 19:36:31

LOL edam! You DO know that he will do that WHATEVER you do though! wink

There are KPIs though. There seems to be a list of things you do as a perfect parent, most of which I haven't done to be honest. DD seems to have reached 5 and is a really confident, happy little girl who has lots of friends and who knows her parents love her very much. How much of that is nature and how much is neglect nurture though, I have no idea.

inVlanderen, I don't necessarily agree that children should fit round their parents though. I don't agree that the whole universe should revolve around your child, but I think you do need to make changes. I was going to use the "sacrifice" word, but I don't see it as that as such. "Responsibility" might be a better one.

scaryteacher Wed 16-Sep-09 19:39:31

inVlanderen, where in Vlanderen are you?

edam Wed 16-Sep-09 19:39:31

Yup, just as I did to my own mother. I did phone her to apologise, years later when I had ds...

Portofino Wed 16-Sep-09 19:45:51

I was going say earlier that I am In Vlanderen - geographically speaking rather than in the I'm Spartacus sense....

(Scary slight hijack but we were all going to abandon our dcs and go on a MN trip to the pictures - must start new thread....)

scaryteacher Wed 16-Sep-09 19:50:24

I am also In Vlanderen, IV, which was why I asked.

Porto - where and when? Bruparck?

Portofino Wed 16-Sep-09 19:58:21

Leuven was the suggestion I think.....Suitably girly film needed. Sorry IV, as you were.....

Romanarama Wed 16-Sep-09 20:06:31

Please can I come to the pictures?

(I also object to 'parenting', but on grammatical grounds more than technical, as my children are 3 badly-behaved dss, not one well-behaved dd, and I could therefore do with some KPIs).

Romanarama Wed 16-Sep-09 20:06:52

Are you Italian Porto?

Portofino Wed 16-Sep-09 20:13:29

No - not even a little bit! Are you in Belgium then....?

Romanarama Wed 16-Sep-09 20:28:12

Uccle, since 3 weeks!

Portofino Wed 16-Sep-09 20:30:07

Ooh! Don't want to hijack this thread TOO much. I shall go and start one in Living Overseas.....keep eyes peeled!

HarlotOTara Wed 16-Sep-09 22:10:36

Thank God! I thought I was the only one, hate playdate too and 'being a parent is the hardest job'. It isn't a job it is a relationship and actually I have never found it that hard but then I believe in benign neglect wink

UnquietDad Wed 16-Sep-09 22:17:41

Isn't it odd how "mothering" and "fathering" and the nouns "mother" and "father" are used in totally different ways?


"fathered three children" usually implies he squirted his seed successfully three times.


"mothered three children" implies she brought them up.


"[male sleb] has become a father again"

You never hear "[female sleb] has become a mother again"...

as it's accepted that she never stopped being one..!

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