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AIBU?

AIBU to want my parents to stay in a B&B when they visit me?

18 replies

Louby3000 · 16/09/2009 17:15

I live in somerset, my parents in Scotland. We have a tricky relationship that hangs by a thread. Both my parents drink heavily and with my mum it makes her irritable, defensive and quick to anger. I have a DS who is the light of their lives and they want to visit often. We live in a small 3 b/room cottage with the 3rd b/room being my husbands office as he works from home 40%of the time. The other bedroom is my DS and its tiny, then there is our room also tiny. We have an open plan downstiars.
Before we had the baby we would sleep on an airbed in the office giving my room to my parents. Now we have the baby and he is a terrible sleeper I would prefer my parents to stay in a B&B so we all have a bit more space.
AIBU to want this? I have a hard time treading on egg sheels when they are here and hate to see them drink so much. WWYD??

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bigchris · 16/09/2009 17:16

yanbu

could you visit them and stay nearby also?

Louby3000 · 16/09/2009 17:20

They would be hurt if i didnt stay with them, I have offered as I think its a handful to have us all there in their equally tiny house. They wont have it and are offended!

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elvislives · 16/09/2009 17:23

No YANBU but be careful. We paid for a Travelodge room for mum one Xmas and it was such a success (all round) that we did it again last year. She moaned to anyone who would listen that she "wasn't even allowed to stay with us". Yet the year before when she did stay with us she moaned that there was nowhere to go when she got up at 6am and the rest of us were asleep; that there were too many people in the house (well duh); that she left the bedroom door open and the cats got on her bed (that's why we close the doors) etc etc etc.

Louby3000 · 16/09/2009 18:29

hmm, the nest question is how do I suggest this to them without upseting them??

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sleepysox · 16/09/2009 18:39

Before we moved to a bigger house, we used to have a similar problem. There was barely enough room for the 3 of us, as DH also worked from home 3 days a week and so our box room was also a study. The way i did it was saying how I was worried that they wouldn't get enough sleep as our baby was collicky and cried through the night and they wouldn't get a break. I explained that if they had had a decent night's sleep then they wouldn't be missing out on being with DS as they could watch him while we napped during the day.

HTH

Should also add, that now we're in a bigger house, they still prefer a B&B/ their caravan to our house!

fifitot · 16/09/2009 20:35

not unreasonalbe.

My M and D stay in a Travel Lodge. Basically we haven't got a spare room and no sofa bed or anything. Don't think they like it much but there is little choice.

completelyshotpelvicfloor · 16/09/2009 20:43

Let me add my voice to the chorus - YANBU.

I do the same with my mum. It caused a problem when I first suggested it so I relented and let her stay with us. During the visit (and after a very noisy day and night with my kids) I took her to the hotel that I had in mind that she could stay in. I asked to see around with her and explained that I was uncomfortable trying to give her some space in our house when we were all living on top of each other. I then suggested that she think about staying in the hotel next time, that I would pay and would fork out for taxis to get her from there to our house.

BINGO! Haven't looked back since. Good luck.

Smithagain · 16/09/2009 20:47

YANBU, but if you think of a way of broaching the subject tactfully, let me know!

When DD1 was tiny, my parents were quite happy to stay in the Travelodge in town (10min walk from our house). But as soon as she was beyond the baby stage, they made it quite clear that they didn't want to carry on trogging back and forward between the hotel and our house. And the Travelodge doesn't do breakfast, which they didn't like. So we've ended up giving them our room and we sleep on the floor in the kids' bedroom. Which there is space for, admittedly, but it does make the house feel v crowded (also have an open plan downstairs, plus tiny "study").

It does irritate me, since my parents are great travellers and in other circumstances seem happy to put up with all sorts of sleeping arrangements - just not when they visit us!

2rebecca · 16/09/2009 21:03

My parents stayed in a B&B when they visited us as we didn't have another double bed in the house and if they came when all kids and stepkids here there were no spare beds. They quite liked having a bit if independance and a b&b was cheap compared to the cost of coming all the way up here to visit us.

brettgirl2 · 16/09/2009 21:06

YANBU but if it was me then I would offer to pay.

2rebecca · 16/09/2009 21:06

I would never volunteer to sleep on the floor in my own house. That seems totally mad. If someone I was visiting had to sleep on the floor to accommodate me I'd be mortified. Why are some parents so self centred and thoughtless?

Louby3000 · 17/09/2009 10:18

Hmm, some things to think on, We cant really afford to pay for the hotel/b&b when they stay so I am asking alot of them I suppose. I think I am just going to have to bite the bullet and tell them we simply dont have the room.
Should I offer to pay in the hope the decline??
I think parents, well mine anyway like to baost to their mates that we put them up, uts a bit of a status thing for them. Daft isnt it!?

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OrmIrian · 17/09/2009 10:21

I think they are being unreasonable expecting you to accomodate them. My parents never need to stay with us as we are only 14 miles away but when they stay with DB they always book into a b&b. It's less chaotic and noisy for them and easier for DB and his family. Unless they really are broke a few nights in a B&B won't bankrupt them.

twirlymum · 17/09/2009 10:22

2rebecca - I would gladly give up my bed for my parents. They are older (obviously!) and have invariably made sacrifices for me over the years!

2rebecca · 17/09/2009 10:28

Would your parents want you to give up your bed for them though? That's the bit I find strange.Maybe if as children when visitors came your parents gave up their bed it seems a more normal thing to do. To be it seems really odd and incredibly selfish of someone to plan a visit to someone knowing that person will be giving up their bed and sleeping on the floor. As kids we got shuffled around to free up beds but my parents bed was their bed. I think my grandparents would have felt really unwelcome if they'd seen my parents sleeping on the floor just so they could have a free holiday.

quirkychick · 17/09/2009 10:37

YANBU. We also have a 3 bedroom house and 1 bedroom is dp's office as he too works from home. My parents live in France and have always stayed at hotel/holiday barns and they wouldn't dream of letting us pay for it. There will be even less room soon as I am pg and eventually the dcs will have to share a room. This gives everyone their own space and sometimes we visit them where they are staying so they don't have to always come to us.

dotty2 · 17/09/2009 10:39

My parents always stay in a B&B (though we are very lucky and have a nice, not too expensive one, just at the end of the street). To be honest, I think they prefer it - they go off at 9pm or so and they and us get a bit of adult peace and quiet at the end of the day, which makes having them to visit so much less stressful. (And they don't get woken up at 6am when the kids get up!) But it just sort of evolved for us when DD2 took up the spare room - I can't even remember whether they suggested it or we did. So I don't have any helpful tips on what to suggest if your parents aren't very open to the idea. If they're big drinkers, could you find a pub for them to stay in, and sell it to them that way?? (Sorry if that's tactless and you don't want to encourage their drinking.)

Louby3000 · 17/09/2009 22:25

I think I will chat to my mum about it on the phone about this, I feel quite sorted about the OK-ness of what I am proposing!

Thanks all.

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