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to be annoyed that my partner tells his ex wife about our rows?

(30 Posts)
feelingreallylow Wed 16-Sep-09 14:11:50

I have been with my partner for nearly a year. He has a daughter from a previous marriage and gets on with his ex wife well. She is there for him when he is in trouble of any kind. We have a 2 week old son together and whilst I was pregnant he cheated on me with a person that was supposed to be my friend. This so called friend now has befriended his ex wife and as you can imagine me and my partner do row about his cheating. My main problem is he tells his ex wife that we are rowing about it. Am I wrong to expect these things to be between us, it makes it even harder that his ex wife is friends with the girl. He was with his ex wife for 7 years so she knows what hes like etc but this really bugs me that he keeps telling her our problems, I feel that there are some things that he doesn't need to tell her. AIBU?

overmydeadbody Wed 16-Sep-09 14:13:53

YANBU

Why are you still with a man who cheated on you though?

ThePhantomPlopper Wed 16-Sep-09 14:13:53

I know you have a two week old son, but what on Earth are you still doing with him?!

JeMeSouviens Wed 16-Sep-09 14:14:02

YANBU, it's out of order.

AnyFucker Wed 16-Sep-09 14:14:45

good lord, he certainly sounds like quite the catch....

YANBU

if you can't see any more wrong things in this scenario, then far be it from me to point them out to you

did he leave his wife for you ?

grumblinalong Wed 16-Sep-09 14:18:15

Of course YANBU. So let me get this straight

a) he cheats on you when you are pregnant
b) he confides in a woman who he's had a failed marriage with about your relationship
c) he shows no respect for your feelings by doing this
d) he allows you to feel vulnerable at a crucial time in your life

He sounds fundamentally unreasonable to me.

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 16-Sep-09 14:19:06

Message withdrawn

Reallytired Wed 16-Sep-09 14:19:29

Goodness he does sound like a rat and I am sorry you are in that situation.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby.

AMumInScotland Wed 16-Sep-09 14:19:40

You need to make it very, very clear to him that he needs to focus on your relationship, and trying to reach a point where you can trust him again. Speaking to other people about your relationship is not going to make you feel like trusting him, and he needs to sort out his priorities and his loyalties.

grumblinalong Wed 16-Sep-09 14:21:58

I recognise the style of writing shineon but I didn't want to say anything just in case. Name of a kinks song?

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 16-Sep-09 14:24:42

Message withdrawn

Morloth Wed 16-Sep-09 14:28:55

There are too many people in your marriage. Make it one less and save yourself the grief.

feelingreallylow Wed 16-Sep-09 15:03:51

The saying love is blind goes down a treat with me I think. I can't cut my feelings and he does seem to have changed. I don't have a problem getting on with his ex wife, its just not nice knowing he tells her when we row. He tried to take an overdose because he doesn't want to lose me and apparently really regrets what he did.

feelingreallylow Wed 16-Sep-09 15:06:38

Sorry not sure if I am being accused of being a troll. I have posted before about my partner seeing our son but not ever posted about washing machines or whatever. No he didn't leave his wife for me, she went through the same thing, he cheated whilst she was pregnant but they stayed together for 7 years. She eventually left him for somebody else though and is now married herself.

AnyFucker Wed 16-Sep-09 15:23:05

I thought your name was familiar, so I searched your name.

I remember you now.

It doesn't change anything I said earlier though.

He does not sound like a very nice man. There seems to be a lot of problems in your relationship.

Am really not sure why you would go back to a man with his history who then did the same shitty thing to you

And then continues to be shitty

Yuk

Morloth Wed 16-Sep-09 15:34:53

No, you can't cut or control your feelings, but you can control your actions. Why would you want someone like this? There is so much better out there, standing up by yourself is better than sharing your husband with other women.

AMumInScotland Wed 16-Sep-09 15:46:01

If he genuinely regrets what he did, and wants to change and have a proper adult relationship, then he needs to sit down with you and talk about what he has to do to have any hope of you staying with him.

As far as trying to take an overdose goes - well, have you read the Identifying losers website? It mentions threatening suicide as oone of the many ways in which losers will make you feel you have to continue with the relationship even when you have serious doubts. It's really worth a read.

AnyFucker Wed 16-Sep-09 15:46:47

frl, are you ok ?

I am sorry, but it really looks like your partner is not putting 100% effort into saving your relationship. You cannot save it all by yourself.

You haven't had much support on this thread < holds hands up > but honestly, what did you expect?

He sounds awful, in more ways than one. Do you not deserve better than this?

You have split before. Do it again and make it permanent this time. He is not trustworthy, nor was he ever, unfortunately.

feelingreallylow Wed 16-Sep-09 15:49:50

Maybe you are right, I do love the bloke, mad I know as he has been a complete dick. We aren't married btw, I knew that getting back with him it wouldn't be easy. I do really want us to work as we have a son together too.

feelingreallylow Wed 16-Sep-09 15:53:26

He is going to go to counselling to sort himself out. I know what you are saying anyfucker, I don't mean this nasty but it is always easier to say what a person should or shouldn't do when you are an outsider with no feelings. I didn't expect people to be supportive of me, I know that 99.9% of people think I am mad.

EldonAve Wed 16-Sep-09 15:55:41

How many kids do you have with him?

Looking at your prior postings the story changes a lot hmm hmm

AnyFucker Wed 16-Sep-09 15:57:01

I know frl. I didn't mean to be nasty either.

I often say "leave the bastard" and then post later to retract it or qualify it in some way. I really should just stop saying it smile

However, it is often an outsider who has no axe to grind that sees things more clearly.

Do you have someone in RL to talk to, who won't take sides?

Perhaps you should listen to the majority, they have a point.

feelingreallylow Wed 16-Sep-09 16:00:22

I have 4 kids in total, only 1 is his.

AF I only really have my mum. His ex wife tells me that he really loves me. I do feel bitter about it all but the thought of him being with somebody else is horrible.

EldonAve Wed 16-Sep-09 16:12:15

So last year you were posting about splitting with some other loser who you also had a kid by?

feelingreallylow Wed 16-Sep-09 16:14:52

Yes Eldon, I also had problems with my other sons dad too.

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