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feeling hurt by my 3 year old daughter... long sorry.

(8 Posts)
tiredntetchy Tue 15-Sep-09 21:41:51

To give a bit of history.

My in laws live 200 miles away. When we lived 20 miles from them they didn't ever babysit without alot of hummimg and hawing. They did and still do however have their other grandchild overnight once or twice a week and 2 or 3 days per week (mum works 20 hrs a week). Altho i am a sahm we have 3 kids all close together and when we lived near to them my dh worked away. They didn't help me out. We moved 200 miles so dh could take a job which allowed him to be home at night. The other grandchild is 3, my kids are 5,3 and 1.

They have been to visit only a handful of times since we moved. Sometimes they will come to the area we live in and only pop in to see us for an hour or two but stay in area for a week hmm

They have stayed in accomodation nearby once before and are there now but they bring the brother sil and other grandchild too.

AIBU feeling pissed of that they can't make an effort just to see us without bringing the child that they spend so much time with already. My kids would love to have granny and grandpas undivided attention but they never get the chance. Surely they must see this?

However to make matters worse my 3 year old has really latched onto granny this time and has stayed at their holiday home for the past 2 nights. But she is being really off with me and if i even pick her up for a cuddle she is crying and telling me she doesn't want me and she wants gran. This is killing me, she is usually a real mummys girl and we are always together. I feel really sad that she has decided she wants to be with the gran (who never makes the bloody effort) rather than her mummy, albeit i'm getting a much needed break.

I feel so depressed about the whole situation. sad

crokky Tue 15-Sep-09 21:46:00

She's 3, you are her number one but she might not show it. I said to my 3yo whilst putting him to bed "do you love mummy?"

reply...."I love Mrs. xxxx" (his nursery school teacher grin)

Regarding your PILs, try not to forget. Yes, your kids are close in age, but shortly you will be at a stage where this is a major plus rather than the huge hard work it is at the beginning. I have a 3yo and a 1yo (but no 5yo!) and I do find things get easier all the time.

crokky Tue 15-Sep-09 21:46:42

That was supposed to say try not to let it get to you and forget about them unless you ahve to see them!

tiredntetchy Tue 15-Sep-09 21:50:14

Thanks crokky i do try to ignore their weirdness but when they do come (with the other in tow) you can't get away from it. Its like they are rubbing our noses in it.

To top it all the sil keeps saying, no wonder you don't want anymore, it can't be easy having no grandparents around to help out!

Bleh Tue 15-Sep-09 21:59:23

Well, I doubt your DD is doing it on purpose: it's the novelty of having her gran around and obviously she isn't really aware of the strained relationship between you guys. That's why she's so excited. (once granny's gone you'll no doubt return to No. 1 status).

NeedCoffee Tue 15-Sep-09 22:01:28

Aww its hard, DD is probably loving having some attention off them finally, but as someone has already said you are her number one, its a phase, it wont last long.

If it helps, DD nearly 2, told the SA in Boots that she 'luvs' her today

FairMidden Tue 15-Sep-09 22:01:41

Just wanted to say I sympathise, I can imagine feeling the same in your situation. [un-Mumsnetty arm squeeze]

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Tue 15-Sep-09 22:12:58

Someone once told me that kids always act the worst with the person they love the most. The fact that your dd feels she can push you away is amazing, because really, deep down she knows that there is nothing she could ever do that would make you stop loving her. She feels secure enough in your love for her that she can go and love up to granny, who she doesn't feel secure with.

I know it's a bit arse-about-backwards, but it always makes me feel better when my ds is kicking me and telling me I make him sad.

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