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AIBU?

To think its inappropriate for MIL to say to DH.....

79 replies

melonian · 15/09/2009 20:53

..."Don't forget, you were mine before you were anyone else's" - in front of me!
DH thinks this is a reasonable thing to say - I think she is bonkers and needs to let go and get a life.

Was chatting with her recently about DS (18m) and she said "I bet you'll be saying that to him now" I said hmm I might think it but would not say it out loud, to which she replied "Huh well I'll say it to him (my DS) as well then" - wtf? She already calls him "my baby" which drives me insane too.

Anyway, surely I am right - this is OTT isn't it. Please help me open DH's eyes to her looniness

OP posts:

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southeastastra · 15/09/2009 20:54

oh dear, complete fruit loop

claricebeansmum · 15/09/2009 20:55

Yes but he chose to be with you!

colditz · 15/09/2009 20:55

SHe just means she loves himmore than anyone else ever will. he'll never be another woman's son.

PinkTulips · 15/09/2009 20:57

pmsl bonkers!

I'm surprised your dh was allowed to leave home!

kreecherlivesupstairs · 15/09/2009 20:57

YANBU. I ha this (or similar) from my MIL, it was hard to maintain the supportive wife face when I had to break the news that she'd died. Happiest day of my life apart from that when DD was born. Why the competativeness? Why?

lockets · 15/09/2009 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Tortington · 15/09/2009 20:57

the woman needs a self edit button.

pjmama · 15/09/2009 20:59

If you have a DS of your own, perhaps you can understand a little of how she feels? Must be hard to let them go. I look at my DS and can't bear the thought of him not always being my baby! I'll have to get over it of course, otherwise my future DIL will think I'm a loon too !

Spookster · 15/09/2009 20:59

My MIL is like this. Calls DHs 'her baby' in front of everyone, really embarrasses him, makes him feel like a small child.

She also calls him 'hers'. Its a back off warning to me, even though we are married and been together 10 years

Loon is the right word - but I'm afraid they never change.

squeaver · 15/09/2009 21:00

God what a loon

peppapighastakenovermylife · 15/09/2009 21:10

Ah, my DS will always be mine lol. Seriously though - depends on how she said it? Jokingly? Endearingly? Or complete fruit loopy?

melonian · 15/09/2009 21:12

Aah I do feel a bit like that with my DS, can't believe anyone will ever love him and know him like I do. But surely being a good mother is thinking these things and never saying them to your son, especially in front of his wife! I do sympathise with her, that's why I let her weird comments go by with a smile (through gritted teeth), but I also thank the lord that she lives 4 hours away!

On her last visit, she was telling me how she felt her heart was breaking on our wedding day - nice! I mean wtf was I supposed to say apart from "oh dear"? She wasn't being nasty either - we get on ok, but self-edit button is spot on!

Anyway thanks for your support - am going to show DH this thread while you are all in agreement.

OP posts:

castlesintheair · 15/09/2009 21:14

I think this is standard MIL loon speak. They aren't all like this of course!

As far as opening your DH's eyes to said looniness: you can't. Take it from someone who has tried for 15 years and has now given up

lockets · 15/09/2009 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsToffeeCrisp · 15/09/2009 21:27

Yet another crazy MIL.

I have 3 DSs and watch these threads carefully, determined not to eventually turn into a crazy MIL myself one day!

As for her heart breaking on your wedding day - how ridiculous. Think that was a step too far, really quite insulting. How on earth did she expect you to respond?

TamTam29 · 15/09/2009 21:28

utter nutter. THEY CUT THE CORD AT BIRTH - he hasnt been yours since!

sorry My MIL is lovely but my closest girl-friends mil is bit of a witch. She loved his ex and was always bringing her name up in conversations.

Anyway, before their wedding, she wouldnt let on anything about her outfit. She is usually a very flamboyount dresser who loves brightly coloured clothes. So we were expecting something very OTT, imagine our shock to see her dressed head to toe in black!

Her DH commented on how sophisticated his mother looked but didnt read anything into what me & friend thought was rather a big statement!

Megglevache · 15/09/2009 21:29

I bet she loves your ds. Would she be nice if she didn't say stuff like that? has she any redeeming features I mean and is your dh her one and only son?

TamTam29 · 15/09/2009 21:31

oh Mrs Toffee crisp i never thought of that before, I only have boys too! I hope i dont suffer crazy mil syndrome later in life!

(my own DM is great but im sooooo glad she is my Mum & not mil, she would drive me mad if she was my mil & i do feel very sorry for sil at times!)

cheesesarnie · 15/09/2009 21:34

my 2 ds will never leave me.they will love me the most forever.obviously.infact theyre not getting married.

Blu · 15/09/2009 21:38

FGS, it's just a saying, like saying 'I'll always be his Mum'. And actually there IS something about being a parent (unconditional love) that will never change that. Unlike other relationships that may change.

Honestly, if you all bristle at this I think it is YOU who are being insecure and just as 'loony'.

SpringySponge · 15/09/2009 21:41

My MIL simply didn't say a word to me on our wedding day. Until then we'd got on fairly well. That was strange & uncomfortable.

MrsToffeeCrisp · 15/09/2009 21:42

You're right Blu, she will always be his Mum and love him unconditionally so really her heart didn't need to break on his wedding day. Still think that was completely OTT.

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TaylorSwift · 15/09/2009 21:48

I cant stand these freaky, insecure MILs. My MIL constantly bangs on about 'losing' her sons to their wives (urrrr, they're all in their 40s. Do you really want them still living at home with you like sad cases?). She used to say to me in a really bitchy tone 'When your DS grows up, you'll see what it's like never to have had a daughter and only to have had sons who abandon you...'. When my DD was born that soon shut her up.

TheLadyEvenstar · 15/09/2009 21:55

lol @ what she said.

My sister got married when i was 18 and when mum and dad got the photos, they placed them on the wall in a diamond shape.
sister on her own at top
sister with dad on left
sister with her husband on right
sister, brother and I at bottom

everytime my brother and I passed the photos we moved the one of her and her husband to the bottom and us to the right. Mum would always put them back and we would always move them saying "she was ours before she was his so we go first"

She has now been married almost 16 yrs and we still do the same...

We are not loony.....our shrink told us so!

melonian · 15/09/2009 22:11

Hmmph

Have shown the thread to DH. He says that his mum is not a loon, just that he is so fabulous nobody could bear to part with him.

Oh, and that you are all a nest of vipers

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