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To expect dh to have done something

(8 Posts)
iMum Tue 15-Sep-09 19:17:12

In brief.

DS1 is having a tough time atm with anger management, anger overload issues, been to the docs getting reffered etc.

Dh is at home unwell, but not sofa bound unwell but ill none the less. I have today started to come down with it as well but again ill but not so bad.

School run time and its chucking it down so I suggest to dh that I leave ds3 at home whilst I go get ds1 (ds2 at nannys)
This is met with an absolute no as dh is a too ill and ds3 doesnt like to be left without me (he is 10 months and fiarly boob depentdent but this wasnt at feed time)

So I go get ds1 who this morning had had a major meltdown, on the way home I decided to park up on the road to chat with him about his behaviour and so on, it got heated (he had been trully awful this am and needs to realise the effect his behaviour has on others) He said he didnt want to be part of our family anymore and so I said right off you go then and to my utter astonishment he got out of the car and stood on the side refusing to get in (ds1 is 7)

I called dh and told him what had happened and where we were (3 mins max from our house) as I was on the phone to him ds1 ran off I said "f**k hes run off" and hung up. I was torn between leaving ds3 in car to chase after ds1 in the end I decided to nip home, drop ds3 off with dh and go back to get ds1. which I did. dh tho was utterly shocked that ds1 wasnt with me and when I challenged him about being no help he got typically sarccy and walked off claiming that "I thought you had it in hand"

I think he should have been round the corner like a shot to help byut there you are

FabBakerGirlIsBack Tue 15-Sep-09 19:20:25

Both of you did the wrong thing but you need to talk this through so it doesn't happen again.

Funny how the world doesn't stop when mum gets ill but it does when the dad does...

thisisyesterday Tue 15-Sep-09 19:23:01

no, i don't think he should have run round. he didn't know exactly what wqas happening or if u needed him

for all he knew ds1 had just run down the road an then stopped.

i do agree he coul have had ds3. in fact, i woujldn't have asked, i'd have just said i'm getting ds1, ds3 is doing whatever... and then gone

BUT, that aside i don't think you could expect your dh to just come running. i can't really understand why you thought you needed to park and talk to ds1 rather than wait until you got home either?
in fact, i think you handled it all pretty badly to be totally honest. a child of 7 who is having issues anyway does not need to be told "ok off you go"!!!
he rails against YOU becafuse he kn ows you will always be there for him. obnly, now he doesn't know that does he? cos you've told him to go.
n ot surprised he ran off

iMum Tue 15-Sep-09 19:30:51

Oh thisisyesterday I know!

As soon as it spilled from my lips I wanted to take it back but there you are, ds1 is going through a hard time and on th whole has our complete love and support but just sometime the things he says drag just the wrong kind of reaction at the wrong time.

He is ok now, as are we all-just feel like ive been coping with this on my own for a long time now and guess i needed to feel backed up.

mumblechum Tue 15-Sep-09 19:32:48

I would have just left ds3 with dh when collecting ds1. It's his dad fgs, why would the question even arise of asking him to look after his own child??

thisisyesterday Tue 15-Sep-09 19:44:08

glad he is ok now. after i posted that i thought "hmm that was a bit harsh" so apologies cos it's probably not what you want to hear right now.

how long does ds have to wait for his referral?

have you talked to dh about your need (and right!) to be backed up? and that when you need him, you need him- regardless of whether or not he feels ill

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 15-Sep-09 19:50:00

YANBU to expect DH to have done something, but the something he should have done was not be such a w*nker when you were going to pick up DS1. "Right, I'm taking the car to pick up DS1, it's chucking it down, I'll see you and DS3 on our return." Handbag, keys, out the door. What is he usually like that you 'suggested' leaving DS3 and he had a paddy?

Romanarama Tue 15-Sep-09 20:01:01

You should definitely have left ds3 at home. Poor you though - sounds very difficult to deal with.

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