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to pay for childcare out of the joint account?

(27 Posts)
JaceyBee Tue 15-Sep-09 15:08:51

or do most of you wohms pay it from your own salaries?

I currently work part-time - around 20 hours a week. I work for the NHS so the money is shit.

Dh is self-employed and works long hours but for not much money as most of it goes back into the business. We both pay our wages into our own personal bank accounts and use out joint a/c for bills, mortgage and most groceries and everything else we pay for ourselves. I usually pay for dc's clothes/shoes etc.

I currently use a childminder for one and a half days a week for dd as ds is at school and family help out the rest of the time.

Dh has just queried a cheque that's gone out of the joint a/c which is the childminders fees, higher than usual because she had both dc's during school holidays. I've been paying the fees out of the joint a/c for a while but he's never said anything before.

If he comes home and kicks off, do you think I'm within my rights to say that childcare should be a joint expense (my first feeling) or aibu to think this and should it be my responsibility to pay for childcare if I want to go out to work?

flowerybeanbag Tue 15-Sep-09 15:17:03

It is a joint expense of course, but I would think which account it comes out of should be a joint decision.

If you haven't previously paid childcare expenses out of the joint account, meaning budgeting for that isn't taken into account when you both (presumably) pay some money into the joint account each month, then that needs sorting.

Our nanny's salary doesn't come out of the joint account, because our direct debits into the joint account for bills aren't set up so that there's enough for that. Enough is paid into the joint account monthly to cover the mortgage and other bills, not including the nanny.

I am self-employed so my money varies. DH earns a regular salary. For this reason, childcare usually comes out of his account. However sometimes it comes out of mine if I happen to have more to spare than him in a given month.

If all your money is household income and therefore shared, it shouldn't matter which account it comes out of, unless it affects other bills that need paying.

rubyslippers Tue 15-Sep-09 15:20:53

of course childcare shold be a joint expense!

why would it be your sole responsibility

am slightly boggled TBH ... why on earth would your DH kick off unless there is more to it?

(DH and I both work FT and have one account for everything)

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Tue 15-Sep-09 15:21:01

It's a joint expense but it's right that you should discuss which account it leaves to make sure nobody makes it go overdrawn by accident. However he shouldn't kick off because you haven't paid it yourself. Do you have the same amount of money left over after bills?

randomtask Tue 15-Sep-09 15:24:01

DH and I worked out what our expenditure for the house and DSS would be per month and then we split it fairly between our salaries and it all goes out of the joint account.

TBH, it never occured to either of us that DSS's clothes/school stuff/presents should be one of ours responsibility more than the other (and as a step mother I suppose some would think that way).

I'd talk it through with your DH. Your DC should come under joint as you jointly had them.

diddl Tue 15-Sep-09 15:28:25

Well, I guess hubby can argue that if you didn´t work, you wouldn´t need the childcare.
Is it a joint decision for you to work?

But I would say it is a household expense and should come out of whatever account is used for paying household bills.

mumof2222222222222222boys Tue 15-Sep-09 15:31:40

Joint expense!!

Happens to come out of my a/c, but DH pays more for other things. the (much smaller) childcare bills came out of his a/c when I was a SAHM.

JaceyBee Tue 15-Sep-09 15:36:22

thanks for replying - I guess because when I was a student I paid for childcare out of my student loan (with parental grant top-up type thing, because it was my choice to be a student.

I carried on paying for it out of my wages when I started work last year for a while but then I started paying it from the joint account. Because we get tax credits we get the childcare help element of those also so it made sense to me that it should come from the same account that the tax credits go into (the joint one).

You're right though, I definitely should have made sure this was clear with dh (I never tried to hide as such though ifkwim).

I suppose if I'm being honest I suspect that deep down he would rather I stayed home, it's not like I bring a lot of money home or anything and I have to work 1 or 2 evenings a week so he has to make sure he's home to do the dc's bedtimes, think he sees mt job as a bit of a pita!

MichKit Tue 15-Sep-09 15:36:49

Childcare is definitely a joint expense. DH pays the rent on our place, and we have agreed that I pay the childcare, and we contribute equally to all other expenses.

gingernutlover Tue 15-Sep-09 15:42:16

i agree thats the childcare is a jointr expense just the same as elec groceries, mortgage etc etc

but its obviously important that you agree in advance what accoutn it comes out of so that you can budget for it accordingly

I do personally pay the childcare from my wage but dh pays for the mortgage so it works well. We decided it was easier to divide up the bills since we earn different amounts and both like to have our own accounts.

Could it be he is wondering what you are doing with your money? Best to have a sit down and agree it all together IMO

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 15-Sep-09 15:50:23

OF course childcare is a joint expense - and so is DCs clothes/shoes and anything else bought for them. They are his children too, and he should be funding their needs to the same degree as you.

And just because you don't earn much currently - if he is self-employed and you are in the NHS your wages are steady income that you can both depend on. Don't denigrate yourself. You are also building up a pension for your (joint) future. Your husband should not view your job as a pita, it is security.

EightiesChick Tue 15-Sep-09 16:11:54

It is absolutely a joint expense. They're the children of you both, right? (not implying that people shouldn't pay for their stepkids but you see what I mean, I hope) Why would it be only your responsibility to pay?

My DH and I are both doing salary sacrifice and using those vouchers to pay part of the childcare bill, but the remainder is coming out of my DH's account. He earns nearly twice as much as me so has always said it is only fair that he pays a larger share of the household expenses. We have a joint account and pay different amounts into that in proportion with our salaries. For you, it sounds perfectly reasonable that you should pay from the joint account. I would only say otherwise if you were earning loads more than him.

BethNoire Tue 15-Sep-09 16:22:36

If the tax credits childcare part go into the joint then it'ssensible that the cheque comes out of there but you both need to be aware.Just ahd similar discussion with DH actually as his student grant will have a childcare element and he thought I was paying it- er no.

Oncehe realised how it worked he was fine,but it's a big enough expense that you have to both be aware- joint responsibility, but the rest is just organisational pteference

InMyLittleHead Tue 15-Sep-09 19:51:56

He made these children, didn't he? Joint expense.

MoonTheLoon Wed 16-Sep-09 17:17:48

Stunned that you should even begin to think it was your sole responsibility! Genuinely!

Unless you got pregnant with him saying 'I don't want a child and if we have one you will have to pay for it' then its both your responsibility.

Why shouldn't you go out to work if you want to? Why doesn't he stay home and look after the children while you go to work?


mumeeee Wed 16-Sep-09 17:19:47

YANBU, Childcare should be funded from the joint account.

MsHighwater Wed 16-Sep-09 18:02:27

This kind of thing is why I am so glad that dh and I never, even for a nanosecond, considered doing anyting other than having everything joint. These considerations just do no not arise.

Portofino Wed 16-Sep-09 18:08:48

We have always paid ALL child related expenditure from the joint account. It just another bill/bills after all. In the day that we had separate accounts we used to keep a bit of cash each to spend as we wished, but nowadays it is all lumped in together and we have a low value Mastercard each. YAdefNBU

cruelladepoppins Wed 16-Sep-09 19:11:09

diddl - and she could argue OTOH that if her husband didn't work they wouldn't need the childcare either. My DH didn't work when the DCs were small - I did. No law against it! After-school club fees come out of the joint account - so does babysitting - absolutely no question.

If the joint account is for bills I can't see it's unreasonable. Childcare is IMO a family expense. Personally I would be buying the children's clothes out of the joint a/c as well.

BUT - this sounds like the OP is worried he has only just realised the joint a/c is paying for this and may disagree. I would stick to my guns, OP. In a non-confrontational way of course ... wink

VulpusinaWilfsuit Wed 16-Sep-09 19:17:19

"Well, I guess hubby can argue that if you didn´t work, you wouldn´t need the childcare"

But this wouldn't be a very strong argument, since exactly the same could be said about him...

Most women pay for childcare out of their own salaries, with exactly the expectation above, as if it is a woman's job to sort it out. Historically, this is because a. men have earned more than women and b. we still suffer enormously with outdated assumptions about gender roles.

VulpusinaWilfsuit Wed 16-Sep-09 19:17:51

x post with cruelladepoppins (excellent name btw)

bergentulip Wed 16-Sep-09 19:30:14

simple - set salary payments up that everything goes into the joint account, and then agree an EQUAL amount each that you transfer to your own accounts every month for your own spends.

No issue, no argument. If you are married, raising children together, sharing a home then I just don't understand why it would be done any other way. It's irrelevant who earns more because it's all going into one pot for one shared lifestyle.

MrsKitty Wed 16-Sep-09 19:41:30

Agree with bergentulip

Personally we only have one account and who earns what is irrelevant, but think if you do want to have your 'own' money then bergens way is the way to go.

Am stunned that anyone would even question whether childcare should be a joint expense.

NanBullen Wed 16-Sep-09 19:51:05

It is a joint expense. However, i pay all of ds nursery bills out of my own account as i don't pay any other bills.

dh pays mortgage, food bills, utliities so seemed a bit much to expect him to pay for the nursery as well. he couldn't afford it anyway!

Although i suppose it would come out of the joint account if we didn't also have our own sole accounts that we like to keep separate. each to their own!

Karam Wed 16-Sep-09 23:13:22

Hell yeah!

Did he father the child? yes, then the child is his responsibility too.

In our house, all our joint responsibilities (including childcare) come from the join account, and individual responsibilities (such as mobile phone contracts) come from individual accounts... but the amount we pay into the joint account depends on ow much we earn. As I earn more, I put more in. Therefore, it is fair.

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