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not to want to go out for dinner with my friend's baby?

(122 Posts)
bitannoyedaboutthis Tue 15-Sep-09 11:43:49

I have moved recently and have a friend with 3 children who happens to be in the area. We have seen each other a couple of times with kids, and said we'd like to have dinner without children/husbands one evening.

So I saw her the other day and she drops in that she'll of course have to bring the baby as she's breastfeeding.

Well, each to their own, but the lo is 10 months old ffs. The whole point of going out just the 2 of us was to be able to have uninterrupted conversation. I also breastfed all of mine the first year, but by that age I fed them at 7pm and put them to bed. Surely her dh can manage her from 8-11pm even if she's not asleep (seems a bit unlikely anyway).

So is she really annoying or aibu? I don't much want to go now anyway.

AvrilH Tue 15-Sep-09 11:48:40

Neither. She is perfectly reasonable to want to bring her baby. You are perfectly reasonable to postpone the outing since you now don't much want to go.

If only I could put mine to bed at 7pm and have nights out smile

WidowWadman Tue 15-Sep-09 11:54:38

With 10 months it is possible to leave the kid behind for at least 2-3 hours, even when it's not in bed yet.

I'm surprised that your friend is not jumping at the chance of going out without the child for a couple of hours.

I'm breastfeeding my 8.5 months old PFB and have been out in the evening without her for a few hours, and it was good for me, as well as for her and the bloke,as they could have some great daddy-daughter bonding time without me.

PeedOffWithNits Tue 15-Sep-09 11:54:46

yes but her DH would have all 3 kids to look after,bath/settle/bedtime - not just the baby. how old are they and do you know what they are like at bedtime.

some mums do not like to express milk, some babies won't take it. so baby needs to be with mum. At least she wants to come out and is not staying home with baby, refusing to see you!chances are the baby will sleep, because she will feed it before they come out. she is only bringing it in case it wakes and needs a feed

WidowWadman Tue 15-Sep-09 11:57:35

PeedoffwithNits - I could understand that reasoning with a ten weeks old baby, but a ten months old does not do the unpredictable hunger outbreaks of a newborn,and should easily cope for 3 hours without milk. In that age you can even offer other foods/drinks to keep them happy.

Babieseverywhere Tue 15-Sep-09 11:58:26

I wouldn't leave my children when they were under 1 year old and being breastfed and can understand why your friend wouldn't want to. She is not being annoying or unreasonable.

I would be happy to go out with a mother and her breastfed baby. Why go and have a nice dinner out with your friend and her baby, bet you would have a lovely night.

Babieseverywhere Tue 15-Sep-09 12:00:49

And for everyone who is saying that the OP's friend could leave the baby, well yes she could but it doesn't sound like she want too ?

bitannoyedaboutthis Tue 15-Sep-09 12:01:35

I've stayed with them - the others go to bed at 7pm so would be in bed before we went anywhere. What's wrong with her dh doing it all anyway? I deal with my 3 on my own every day!

I'm intrigued that people demand feed 10 month old babies, and that often. I can't quite remember, but don't think that mine had more than 3 milk feeds in 24hrs at that age.

I suppose IABU really, as I just find people who obsess over their children all the time really irritating, and she is definitely one of them. We are friends from years before we had children, and I don't think the friendship is dealing with the change very well.

Portofino Tue 15-Sep-09 12:01:53

YANBU! If I was expecting a child free evening, then I would expect it to be, well child free! And poor diddums Dad can't cope with all 3 of them on his own? Presumably Mum does all the time? I see no reason why babies need to be surgically attached to you at all times when they get to that age.

HigherThanAWombat Tue 15-Sep-09 12:03:33

I don't think that you're being unreasonable to want to have a meal with just you and your friend.

bitannoyedaboutthis Tue 15-Sep-09 12:03:57

Portofino, can I have dinner with you please? grin

curiositykilled Tue 15-Sep-09 12:03:57


I don't understand why people always seem to think other parents should do things how they did things as a parent.

You are entitled to not want to go for whatever reason you like but you are definitely unreasonable for thinking you can make parental decisions for another person's family. I don't see how a baby would interrupt your night out much anyway. It is the other mum that will have to do without the alcohol and have to feed the baby and the baby, at 10 months, will probably sleep the whole time anyway so wouldn't be much of an interruption.

HigherThanAWombat Tue 15-Sep-09 12:04:07

And you did specify that you wanted to have a meal without children or husbands being present.

WidowWadman Tue 15-Sep-09 12:04:33

I know someone who's always bringing her children along, even though they're now teenagers...

bitannoyedaboutthis Tue 15-Sep-09 12:05:16

I'm not making a parental decision for anyone, I'm making a decision about my evening out! She was the one who suggested dinner just the two of us in the first place.

bitannoyedaboutthis Tue 15-Sep-09 12:05:55

Wow widow, why does she want to???

WidowWadman Tue 15-Sep-09 12:05:55

A ten months old sleeping all evening? How do you do that? Rohypnol?

morningpaper Tue 15-Sep-09 12:06:01

Why not just invite her to dinner at yours instead? Much more relaxing while she is still at the stage of evening nursing.

PeedOffWithNits Tue 15-Sep-09 12:06:04

so fundamentally this boils down to the fact that you don't approve of her parenting style, which is different to the way you did things!!!

she is either a good friend who you want to see (so she brings baby and you have to accept her choices) OR she is someone you will never see eye to eye with, so why bother maintaining contact

you cannot live her life for her, but you CAN choose whether you want to be in her life.

WidowWadman Tue 15-Sep-09 12:06:41

bitannoyedaboutthis - No, idea, I never dared to ask.

Babieseverywhere Tue 15-Sep-09 12:07:04

The breastfeeding mother can have a glass of wine or two and eat spicy food, breastfeeding is not as restrictive as many people think it is.

Baby is likely to sleep in the evening in sling or pram, don't understand the problem. It is not as if she is demanding you bring your children with you or anything.

bitannoyedaboutthis Tue 15-Sep-09 12:07:10

Ask G*na F...............

abra1d Tue 15-Sep-09 12:07:25


Portofino Tue 15-Sep-09 12:08:42

I remember being desperate to STOP being Mummy for a few hours when dd was really small. Any opportunity I had for Daddy to step in and for me to spend a blissful evening with friends was grabbed with both hands! I certainly wouldn't have wanted to take dd out with me! How do you keep your sanity if you have no time for yourself?

mankyscotslass Tue 15-Sep-09 12:09:24

I think neither of yabu.

I can see where she is coming from, my youngest DS was still bf every 2 hours day and night at that age, despite also taking 3 good meals a day. He never went longer than 2 hours without a feed day or night til he was 14mths old. <shudder at the memory>.

He also would not take a bottle of expressed milk. So I either never got out at night or took him with me when I did!

But I also see the value of having time out alone with your friends.

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