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...thinking that DH is committing a fraud…

(60 Posts)
toja555 Tue 15-Sep-09 11:03:13

When you think things cannot get any worse, they do get worse.
I apologize for a long story. DH’s brother was removed from the UK a week ago due to breaching visa conditions. Before that DH went to visit him in order to take 4 or 5 brother’s credit cards (but was not given by authorities). When I asked why did he want cards, DH answered something like “ there are credit limits, so why not to use them”. I didn’t like what he said, but we did not develop the subject as I hoped whatever was the idea, it died with not being given the cards.
Yesterday I came home and saw a new laptop box addressed to DH’s brother (our address). DH’s said that brother is planning business back home and is buying 4 laptops in the UK. I started suspecting… Then searched the bin and found Credit Agreement dated yesterday with the name of DH’s brother, this was cut into pieces. I searched internet and found that DH logged in to all (or most) of his brother’s accounts. I also found the text on DH’s phone to brother saying that “PC World declined” (can’t remember exact wording). All in all, I came to the conclusion that the intention was to use credit limits, buy laptops, send abroad and never repay, especially when similar remark was made a week ago. I confronted DH saying “I now what have you been thinking, this is not right. If you return laptops to shops, we will keep it between us. Otherwise I will have to make it public (to tell his friends, my friends and maybe report). He replied that “this is not what I think”, “I made my own conclusions and did not allow him to explain, and now he will not explain”, “the brother is starting business and of course he will repay credit cards”. I asked “prove me wrong” and he got offended and replied “make it public if you want to”, and he refused to explain anything blaming me for my conclusions.
My guts are saying I am right. He does not want to admit. Maybe it is his brother’s influence (he’s got quite bad mentality), but DH got involved.
I have enough on my plate atm. Due to recent events, I started questioning myself whether our marriage is genuine. We have been together for 3 years and I found him quite honest person. Now all things seem to have gone wrong.
I am thinking to visit his mature relatives so that they aware of the situation and do something about it. I cannot handle it on my own. I am ashamed to tell to my friends or family (because DH always has been good in their eyes), so I am on my own. I am scared that DH will use it as a reason to leave me. I still love him but I cannot ignore if fraud is happening in my home. The worst thing, DH does not seem to care (or pretends not to).
AIBU to jump in to such conclusions? What should I do? My approach maybe was slightly to aggressive yesterday (kind of ultimatum), but I feel that I was right. The easiest thing I could do, is to pretend that everything is fine, DH bought laptops in the name of brother, brother is planning to repay, and if brother does not repay it is not my problem. I love my DH, I really don’t want him to get involved in the problem, but what can I do if he is involving himself.

GypsyMoth Tue 15-Sep-09 11:09:14

bit of a can of worms there!!

not sure what you should do,but its all wrong!!

Carrotfly Tue 15-Sep-09 11:10:08

Sounds veeery dodgy tbh.

Not quite sure what to suggest really ... but if his parents / relatives have any influence over him then that may be the way forward.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Tue 15-Sep-09 11:10:49

So DH's brother is planning to repay the credit cards from overseas? Yeah right. Your DH is being very foolish in having things sent to his address, once the companies get wind of the fact that your BIL isn't paying they will chase him to his last known address, which is your house. When they find someone of the same name living there do you think they will believe he had nothing to do with it?

How do you mean the marriage is not genuine? It doesn't sound much fun for you If DH is going to leave you this will not cause it - you have to do the right thing and protect yourself.

PeedOffWithNits Tue 15-Sep-09 11:10:50

all sounds very dodgy to me, but we do not KNOW your DH or his brother like you do so very hard to judge regarding your relationship.

financially & morally what he is doing is wrong.

PeedOffWithNits Tue 15-Sep-09 11:13:51

goods delivered to YOUR address in brothers name, so DH would never be able to claim innocence - one of the brothers duties to the credit card companies is to inform them of change of address, which he obviously hasn't done

DailyMailNameChanger Tue 15-Sep-09 11:15:10

They will come to your address to recover the money when it is not paid as it has been used as a delivery address. Your address and your H could end up in serious trouble and yes it is fraud of sorts.

If I were you I would pack up the laptops myself and send them back, say that no-one of that name lives at this address.

If it were above board your BIL would be using the cards himself and having them delivered to him abroad or to you but your dh would not need to be carrying out the transactions.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Tue 15-Sep-09 11:16:52

You are questioning your marriage but worried your DH will leave you? Seems to me it has to be one or the other.

If he is committing fraud you could be done for being an accessory after the fact.

I would give him one more chance to tell you or you will tell the police - and mean it.

abouteve Tue 15-Sep-09 11:18:50

If your husbands brother is abroad and the goods are bought in his name in this country then the fraud won't be difficult to prove.

toja555 Tue 15-Sep-09 11:24:39

Although the subject is a small company, their financials are acceptable and the business scheme is fairly secure. The applied credit lines are adequate to the size of the company. Given Atradius insurance cover and good estimated profit margin, approval is recommended with conditions and remarks.

Surprisingly we did not have many issues in our relationship until very recently. DH has been very good in many terms. But he was illegal in this country and used his chance to obtain status through our marriage. I never thought until recently that he could be using me for his status. Maybe after he got his status he felt free to be real himself? I was expecting that he will advise his brother to do the right thing, but he even did not have guts to admit making a mistake. If he is happy to use the system, what prevents him from using me?
We are moving from our address soon, but I think it is not difficult to track us, especially when I, DH and BIL bears the same surname. I am reluctant to contact police but was thinking of anonymous call to tell to block brother’s credit cards…
Action plan: 1) to take laptops if they will be still there this evening 2) to speak with relatives (don’t have their phones, but know where they live…)

DailyMailNameChanger Tue 15-Sep-09 11:25:28

Message withdrawn

toja555 Tue 15-Sep-09 11:25:33

Sorry, coppied part of my work by mistake. Please ignore.

DailyMailNameChanger Tue 15-Sep-09 11:30:07

They will just wait for you to register to vote at a new address, you will be tracked down in no time at all. Potentially police and ballifs knocking at your door, anytime from now onwards and having to repay money for goods obtained fraudulantly, possibly being charged with receiving/handling stolen goods...

Seriously I would just call the police - tbh I cannot see why you would want someone who thinks this is ok in your life but then I am a bit of a cow - things are wrong and right IMO, not much middle ground!

toja555 Tue 15-Sep-09 11:34:09

DailyMailNameChanger, I cannot prove their intentions not to repay eventually, but guts feel that is the case. And some fraudulent actions (as using not own card) have been done. If I report police, I can probably say “Good Bye” to my DH. I am very scared about that… we have DS who I don’t want to suffer. On the other hand, I don’t know what would be the right words to say so that he comes backs to his mind and rectifies the situation. He has never done like this before, at least I am not aware of.

Momdeguerre Tue 15-Sep-09 11:43:14

Sounds like a pretty basic fraud to me. Will not take much to solve it based on what you describe your DH is naive and not a very effective thief.

In having the goods delivered to your address, with records which will show when your BIL was deported I would suggest your DH and or you may be arrested. At the very least you are likely to find that you will no longer be able to order/receive any goods to your address in future or in your names.

Sorry that he has put you in this position, not your fault. I would suggest you call all the companies you can and get the cards cancelled - you can probably do this with some anonimity and it might at least prvent him committing further offences.

Unfortunately, he already appears to have left you high and dry - my suggestion would be to either tell him you know he is committing an offence and that if he does not return the goods/make payment you will go to the police? Throw him out (although this means you will still end up getting visits from baliffs etc) or, save all paperwork he is disposing of and produce it to the police if/when they arrive and at least be able to prove that it was him and not you.

Don't envy the position he has put you in but it sounds as though there are other issues too.

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 15-Sep-09 11:43:33

Toja, I married an illegal (i did not know at the time until after we were married) in September 2003 everything was wonderful he said and did all the right things, even telling my dad he was genuinely in love with me and promising him on his death bed he would look after me. We even tried for a baby, then he got his status, his leave to remain and his stamp on his passport....where do you think he is now? Living up the road with his wife from Albania and their child even though he told me he was unable to father a child due to illness as a child, apparently a dr friend of his confirmed this.

Before he left he bought a lot of things in his brothers name and I was left with the problems, i simply contacted the companies gave his name and phone number, plus works address and left them to deal with him. His brother too was deported from this country as was his father......

Kissmybooty Tue 15-Sep-09 11:59:39

Just wondered, isn't there a way to anonymously phone the card companies and say these cards are stolen and that the owner now lives abroad without giving your name. Maybe from a phone box not where you live. Unfortunately the fact that he will do this implies that he has some serious character flaws you weren’t aware of when you married him. How do you really know who he is in this case? Just mo. hmm

PeedOffWithNits Tue 15-Sep-09 12:01:14

can you really call and cancel someone elses credit cards anonymously, I would doubt it.....anyone could do this for a "joke" or to get at someone for whatever reason.

I could not even cancel DHs credit card when he lost his wallet, despite knowing his postcode, date of birth , mothers maiden name etc....they just told me straight HE had to phone himself!

iheartdusty Tue 15-Sep-09 12:10:56


can I suggest you think about protecting yourself financially as well?

Make sure you have at least one bank account and if possible a credit card in your sole name, and access to funds that could support you and DS for a while. If your DH gets into financial trouble his accounts could be frozen. Or if he acted ruthlessly he could take your joint money?

Think about taking your name off any joint credit cards, so if your DH misuses those it won't come back at you.

Register with a credit history agency (such as Experian) so you can see whether any credit is applied for in your name.

Get copies of all documents relating to joint accounts and assets and keep them somewhere safe (eg mortgage documents, bank statements); lock away your identity documents (passport, driving licence) and any financial documents (life assurance policy etc).

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 15-Sep-09 12:13:22

Iheart thats what my ex-h did applied for credit in my name.

Longtalljosie Tue 15-Sep-09 12:13:25

I imagine you don't want to tell your own relatives because that will make it more "real". They won't be blinded by love for you DH, they will see it for what it is - and they won't forget about it.

But you need to talk this through with someone whose main priority is you. You could be seen as an accessory to this if you knew about it but did nothing. I think the first thing is to talk to a relative - I'd start with my own family personally, but if you would rather his family, that may work as well. But don't keep it to yourself - clearly your own disapproval isn't enough to make him stop - perhaps the combined disapproval of the rest of the family will be

hottiebear Tue 15-Sep-09 12:19:46

What about phoning crimestoppers (which I'm sure is anonymous) and asking for advice about what you should do?

catinthehat2 Tue 15-Sep-09 12:27:30

This is the guy who wants to be a CIMA professionally qualified accountant.

I said then:
"By catinthehat2 Tue 01-Sep-09 12:30:43 Add a message | Report post | Contact poster

I cannot believe that there is any serious will to pursue CIMA qualys. It is a difficult set of professional exams, and requires practical experience in a heavy duty accounting environment.

Playing around with mail sorting jobs and book keeping work in someone else's name is not the route to this kind of qualification.

Lets face it, there are some basic personal qualities to do with trust and probity when you handle other people's money.

So I'm guessing CIMA is a complete red herring, and somebody is kidding themselves here. "

I think you have a serious problem. The guy is bent.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Tue 15-Sep-09 12:27:44

toja555 - get that work post deleted.

DailyMailNameChanger Tue 15-Sep-09 12:29:04


The problem is, it doesn't matter if it is anon or not, if op reports theft of the cards etc it will be looked into and it will come back to her dh wether her name is mentioned or ot is a small matter!

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