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To be totally sick to death of people saying to me....

(47 Posts)
TheLadyEvenstar Mon 14-Sep-09 23:22:56

"you must be mad"
"You need your head seeing to"
"oh that must be like starting all over again"
"did you need much help in the beginning because of the gap"?

When they see or ask me about the ages of ds1 and ds2. ffs I wanted an age gap no not necessarily 9 years but guess what thats the way it happened. I like my age gaps, I have not got to try and split my time between 2 demanding toddlers, worry about getting one out of nappies while the other still needs them, I don't need to buy 2 lots of nappies, I don't care that I am 34 with an 11 yr old and a 2 yr old, no i was not very young when i had ds1 but I am more relaxed with ds2....

Sorry rant over just sick of the comments.

GypsyMoth Mon 14-Sep-09 23:32:01

There's 8 years between me and my brother. It's been lovely! Ignore them.

wezz Mon 14-Sep-09 23:32:50

I feel your pain

Got the exact same thing...still do from time to time..I have a 13yo a 4yo and a 2yo

just say 'why?' and look blankly at them when they say you're mad

so no...yadnbu

alypaly Mon 14-Sep-09 23:33:42

ive got 5 years between mine But like you...thats how it happened but DS1 used to bottle feed DS2 whislt i was cooking,it was brilliant!!!!!

TheLadyEvenstar Mon 14-Sep-09 23:34:29

Brie, i do normally but i have had 4 people i know say it today, The last time i saw them I had only ds1. They really couldn't understand why I had ds2 sad and why dp and I are ttc. and tbh it hurt me today.

TheLadyEvenstar Mon 14-Sep-09 23:37:15

Aly, thats what ds1 did with ds2. I tell you a 9 yr age gap has its benefits wink, he also helps with nappies...not many his age would rinse cloth nappies and prepare them for the washing machine.

Wezz, will give it a try! is that followed by a slap??? grin

wezz Mon 14-Sep-09 23:37:56

it's not for them to understand!

it's fuck all to do with them

tell them you couldn't give a flying fuck what they think...ignore any further comment from them and enjoy your family

works a treat for me

wezz Mon 14-Sep-09 23:39:09

I must chill out...my blood is boiling on your behalf

wezz Mon 14-Sep-09 23:40:04

and a random slap can often help get the point across

TheLadyEvenstar Mon 14-Sep-09 23:44:39

Wezz, I came home earlier practically in tears for the way i was spoken to. Ok i probably over reacted there but it was the way the said it rather than what they said.

valhala Mon 14-Sep-09 23:45:19

Ignore the buggers! I have 2 daughters, now aged 12 and 14 with 19 months between them and although not difficult when they were young become harder as the years have gone by as now they fight like cat and dog.

My pal had her second son at the age of 31 when her elder lad was 7... and it worked wonderfully. The elder lad was loving and considerate towards his baby brother and my pal had the time to give each child what he needed.

From my experience you have made a wise decision. Enjoy your children, you will benefit from your choice. How dare anyone question or criticise your decision!

TheLadyEvenstar Mon 14-Sep-09 23:48:56

Thanks Ladies,
fingers crossed for dc number 3 lol

thumbwitch Mon 14-Sep-09 23:50:46

how bloody rude of them TLE! Especially if they don't know your history (tbf, I don't either) but you could have been trying desperately for a second and it took that long, you could have had multiple miscarriages in between - how bloody awful of them. Am deeply angry on your behalf.

A good friend of mine had her 2 DC almost 15 years apart, because of the above-mentioned reasons. Sometimes it's just the way it is and no one has any right to question you on it!

wezz Mon 14-Sep-09 23:53:58

the comments will upset you though..because it's your family and your choices for your family that they're calling into question.

I used to feel crap when I was pg with DD2 and I'd get the 'you must be mad' and 'omg..i couldn't be starting all over again' etc..It used to make me doubt that I was doing the right thing...doubts that were already floating about in my pg hormonal head.

But having DD2 was the best thing I ever did...and I tell them that when they continue to make their stupid comments...DS came along and our family is complete and I make sure they know that.

Try not to let them get you down..and best of luck ttc

ErikaMaye Mon 14-Sep-09 23:56:01

People feel they have the right to comment, whatever your circamstances. And to be frank, regardless of the age gap, children will still bicker to some degree, but would also do anything for their siblings if they needed them. That's just how it is. Brotherly and sisterly love

Ignore the arses. Know its hard - have just got used to the comments about my age / disability and being pregnant, am dreading the ones when I'm actually pushing the buggy! - but if you are happy, and your kids are happy, that's what matters

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 15-Sep-09 00:00:11

Erika how true about the bickering!
You should see ds2 go for ds1....tbh it is quite funny cos he is so much smaller. But he can stand up for himself already.

Worst thing is though he thinks he can roughly play with all children his age....but is a bit bigger than a lot. he is 2 on friday and in 3-4 yr clothes and a size 8 shoe.....hims gonna be like his brother was me thinks. although he is not as big as he was at the same age.

ErikaMaye Tue 15-Sep-09 00:07:10

There are six years between me and my brother - he'll be the first one to mock me, especially about my disability / pregnancy / spots; y'know, as personal as you can possibly be - but I also have a very clear memory of him wanting to go into school to "beat up" the people that were bullying me when I was 12. He was six, bless him.

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 15-Sep-09 00:14:20

Like me and my big sister, she is 7 yrs older than me, my brother is 16m older than me and as much as we argued i still fought for them and would to this day....but then i is tough innit xx

thumbwitch Tue 15-Sep-09 00:17:19

that's often the way with sibs though, isn't it - you're allowed to dis them yourself, but god help an outsider who tries it!

<Erika, only since you've brought it up, what is your disability? I see you have a stick named Pete and your pics are lovely - glorious red hair!>

zipzap Tue 15-Sep-09 00:18:16

Depending on how well you know them (or care!) - turn it around on them - and be as brutal as necessary depending on how much they have hurt you...

'You're the one that has kids so close together you can't give them the individual attention they need/have only bothered to have one child/haven't got kids/whatever and you think I'm mad?!? It's fantastic, it works really well and I think you must be the mad one.'

Before everyone jumps down my throat, yes I know that some people might get hurt by these responses BUT that is sort of the point - the other people are hurting the OP with their comments and they have to see that their comments are just not nice, so it is perfectly reasonable to turn them around back on the conversation initiator because you are mere responding to their question in a perfectly valid way. I'm not suggesting these as conversation starters!

ErikaMaye Tue 15-Sep-09 00:26:02

Thumbwitch I have ME/CFS which means I have to use a walking stick at all times, a wheelchair for longer ventures, and Borderline Personality Disorder. If only I could lie and say the hair was natural, and all would be well in life!!! grin

thumbwitch Tue 15-Sep-09 00:30:51

hope you didn't mind me being nosy blush. I have had a client, several students and a friend with ME - tis a miserable affliction and I hope that you have a sympathetic GP, even if your bro takes the piss! Do you take supplements of any kind or see any complementary therapists for it?

Shame about the hair and I know what you mean - my hair when I was young was a lovely shade of light red but it has faded to non-descript mid-blonde as I got older, although the sun still shows up the red. <sigh>

ErikaMaye Tue 15-Sep-09 00:42:29

Not at all I'm quite happy to talk about it - have been ill for about 20 months now, and had BPD all my life, so its fine. I see a fantastic specialist; because I was 16 when I fell ill I was still under the childrens services, and the doctor I see is one of the best child and teen ME specialists in the country. Before I was pregnant I was taking multi vitamins, and eating a certain diet, generally pacing myself. Did yoga on a daily basis, and that helped so much I can't tell you! Massage was fantastic too - our friends have a chair that I often dash round to use!

Yeah mine used to have a red tint to it when I was younger... Disappeared a while ago, and that's when I started dyeing it, I loved it when it was red!! Ah well

pasturesnew Tue 15-Sep-09 00:44:20

I was surprised you would get lots of comments like this and then I realised I have been guilty of saying to people in similar circumstances, "oh that must be like starting all over again". I didn't think it would be offensive, sorry, as not meant critically. Would it be OK small talk to say, "you'll be able to get the older one(s) to babysit soon" and that kind of thing or does that feel like an unwelcome personal comment on your family too?

thumbwitch Tue 15-Sep-09 00:48:25

oh that's great Erika - glad you're getting sensible help. One of my students was on megadose vit C for a while - that helped her - but it doesn't work for everyone, it depends what brought the ME on, really. However, I hope you are taking fish oils cos they will help with lots of things (although apparently they have a reputation for increasing foetal head circumference, and DS's head was over the 100th centile at his 20 week scan, which was mildly disturbing!grin - but it didn't matter re. the birth and he doesn't look abnormal!)

<sorry TLE for the hijack!>

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