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AIBU?

AIBU to clear out daughter's room when she's not home?

16 replies

kreecherlivesupstairs · 14/09/2009 12:38

I can't be the only person being buried alive under a drift of 'stuff' can I?
DD has far too many books, toys, games and general shit. Her school runs a festive shop where you take stuff in and the children can buy a christmas gift for parents and siblings. The gift is wrapped and the cost is 1 franc per item. I am looking at this as a way of donating to charity and ridding the flat of shite. An example: her birthday was in May, she had a big party and got a present from everybody. Some of the stuff was too young for her or she wasn't interested in it. The stuff has sat in our spare room since mid May. Today I saw it as an opportunity to clear a square metre of floor space.
AIBU? I know that if I asked her to sort it out, she'd donate the Pooh colouring book and crayon set and nothing else. She wont' miss it,

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haventsleptforayear · 14/09/2009 12:39

I do this regularly.

The DS never notice.

Boys2mam · 14/09/2009 12:41

Me too, at least once a month and I just bin the broken bits n clear what he's not played with in a while. Not once has he noticed and he's 5.

GypsyMoth · 14/09/2009 12:41

got a bag of stuff on the go now...just do it

Geocentric · 14/09/2009 12:41

I do this all the time. They hate their stuff being given away/put in the recycling bin so I have to be sneaky. They are 5 and 6, though, so right now it's ok, but eventually I am going to have to start doing it with them instead...

GoldenSnitch · 14/09/2009 12:42

Just be careful that she really doesn't want it.

I had a doll with a little highchair/potty thing when I was younger that my Mum threw out while I was away once.

I noticed and was heartbroken

mum71 · 14/09/2009 12:51

I do this regularly too. She hardly notices. If she does ask for something I'll say I've given it to my mum (she works for a children's charity) as she was desperate for something for a younger girl who has no toys when DD has so much. You can't argue with that and she soon forgets.

Top tip - If it's a really big tidy up I'll rearrange her furniture or buy her something small like a side table/chair from Ikea. She thinks the room looks different because of these changes and not because I've filled a skip with all her old junk.

I've asked her to tidy up her room many, many times but nothing, not a single scrap of paper leaves the room. Everything has a value to her even if it is something she found on the street so she just rearranges things into different boxes and hoards everything.

Good luck

randomtask · 14/09/2009 12:53

I wouldn't do it personally, as DSS often remembers what he's got even if he doesn't like it. Plus, surely she'll notice the space?

How old is DD?

If I also have to give gifts for children's parties, I keep the stuff DSS doesn't want (if he's admitted he doesn't want it or it's been unopened for 6 months) then I give it to other children for their parties. Slightly skin flint attitude but I only do it if I know the other child will like what DSS didn't.

Also, I sit there and make DSS sort through his crap. When I met him, he was 6 and had a room full of stuff from when he was 3. MIL doesn't like throwing things away so he also had DH and DH's dead brothers toys too. And a few of my FIL's. If a birthday is coming up, I tell him he needs space for new presents. If it hasn't been opened after a while I ask if I can take it/give it away. It was painful at first but now he's really good at deciding and can be trusted to clear out 2 carrier bags each 4-6 months or so without help (aged 8). [proud mum emoticom]

GrapefruitMoon · 14/09/2009 12:53

If you are unsure if she will be heartbroken to find certain items gone, hide them for a few days before getting rid of them properly.

I always wait till the dcs are at school before I have a clear-out. With birthday presents, I often put some away for when they are older or for emergencies when I don't have time to get something for another child...

kreecherlivesupstairs · 14/09/2009 12:54

I think I know IANBU, but, the shit will hit the fan once the shop opens and she spots her stuff for sale. Although, as I posted, she has so much she probably would just think someone kind had given the same as she has.
I gave away about 75 of her books to the younger sister of her friend. She didn't notice the glaring spaces on her bookcase but did remark after a visit to friends house that G has the same books as me. We often call her Dory.

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randomtask · 14/09/2009 13:08

DH did get rid of some of DSS's stuff in the past (only a few things) to a school fair without telling DSS. He bought his stuff back with him and wasn't happy with Daddy which is why I go for the honest approach.

I do find asking him to tell me when he last played with something or who gave it to him makes him hand it to charity quicker than normal.

If I was you, I'd tell her that 20 (or however many) things need to go and if she doesn't decide, you will.....

kreecherlivesupstairs · 14/09/2009 13:16

Random, that's a cracking idea and one we have tried. It ended up with her agreeing to bin teeny tiny things like head bads and hair grips. As I said, she's got a very short attention span (although a long memory so it's a mystery how she survives), there has been a bag of soft toys in the boot of the car in full view for about two weeks now. She hasn't made the connection.
BAD MUM IS ME!

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silverten · 14/09/2009 13:17

My mum tried getting rid of a load of old stuff she thought I wouldn't miss once without asking me.

I spotted it immediately at the toy fair and was really pissed off. Then I bought it back, because it was stuff I still wanted: favourite books, things like that.

It particularly jarred me off because it just told me that my parents didn't really think my things were actually my things, and that they could do what they like with them.

When you're a kid you have so little power that anything that is designated as 'yours' is really, really important: your name, your clothes, your room, your toys.... Particularly when you don't have the money or any way of just going out and getting what you want, without a whole load of palaver with saving up, washing cars, getting permission to buy something....

I wouldn't do it. I would try limiting what she can keep by setting some rules to do with storage: if she can't fit it into the furniture in her room, she can't have it.

hannahsaunt · 14/09/2009 13:26

I go through the mountain of belongings every so often only when the boys are not there. One bag for binning and one bag for charity. They are 9 and 6.5. Yet to notice ... Never give to somewhere they will then shop and spot. They are very good at replacing tat with tat each school fair.

RustyBear · 14/09/2009 13:29

I used to put stuff they hadn't played with for a while in a black bag & put it in the loft, with the idea that if they didn't ask for it in six months I'd bin/charity shop it.
They are now 19 & 21 & I was up in the loft the other day & discovered a load of black bags......

I think the school I work at is going to get a load of donations for their Christmas Fair!

spiralqueen · 14/09/2009 13:39

Could you give DD a charity bag (they seem to come through our door constantly) and tell her that if she fills it up with stuff she doesn't want you'll take her out for a treat cinema/swimming or whatever would appeal to her?

Depending on DD's age she may well spot stuff that's gone missing and it's the doing it behind her back that could cause problems.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 14/09/2009 13:47

Spiralqueen, that's a brilliant idea but we don't live in the UK and charity shops are brokenhouses and they are ultra fussy about what they'll take and what they won't. I tried to give two virtually new build a bears to them (with dd's permission), they turned them down.

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