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To be disappointed with my niece.

(12 Posts)
asteri Mon 14-Sep-09 11:21:51

I know this probably makes me the worst aunty ever, but I have a 14 year old niece who has always been so bright and so full of promise and over the past year i have watched her decline into a selfish, arrogant, moody, rude and lazy girl. She doesnt have the best homelife (he mother treats her as a babysitter to her younter sister), and her dad (estranged) works constantly, and gives her pretty much what she wants (I can assume out of guilt). Her school grades arent that great and if you try and talk to her about school her response is "its so cr@p, its no fun" She assumes shes going to get into college but with her grades she really needs to knuckle down and work but shes too busy worrying about her hair and make up and clothes. we recently went out for a family celebration and when it was mine and the hubby's round, and her glass was empty she started clicking her fingers in my hubby's face and going "helllooooo". She looks down at people who dont have designer clothes (Im so sorry not all little girls have daddies who will buy them anything they want). I feel so frustrated, we were always so close and now I feel that due to being spoiled (Im sorry, rewarded for not doing anything) Im concerned for what her future holds.I know that a portion of this is normal teenage behaviour but I cant help but worry.

addictedtomn Mon 14-Sep-09 11:27:25

i think this is normal behaviour for a spoiled girl.

just be there for her, it sounds like she needs love not critism.

AstronomyDomine Mon 14-Sep-09 11:29:43

yes she needs love not criticism, but she definitely needs to understand that clicking fingers in peoples' faces is not on and especially annoying from a child.

Sourdough Mon 14-Sep-09 11:33:11

At least you are keeping an eye on her as her parents are too busy to. My DD is 14 and, while she is delightful to everyone else, can be a right narky little shitbag at home. Girls of that age are predictable only by their unpredictability. Mentor her and you will (eventually) be rewarded.

addictedtomn Mon 14-Sep-09 11:38:01

astronomy, i wasnt suggesting that it was ok for her to do that.

i think that maybe having a conversation with her would be a good way to go.

Oxymoronic Mon 14-Sep-09 11:52:13

I turned into a horror at 14, if you do speak to her about it you may have to be careful that she doesn't see you as another pesky adult trying to tell her what to do etc as this will just further isolate her from you?

You could try letting her lead the conversation rather than you imposing it on her?

kreecherlivesupstairs Mon 14-Sep-09 11:53:59

Love the phrase narky little shitbag I'll store it away until my girl reaches 14. There is something seriously wrong with a child (and that is what she is) clicking her fingers in someones face. Where I was brought up that would bring you a face full of glass in return.
She is lucky that you are interested in her welfare. Doesn't her mother realise what a narky little shitbag she's raising?

notanumber Mon 14-Sep-09 11:55:56

Teenagers are by definition solipsistic. I was vile as a teenager and I didn't have a horrible homelife to excuse it.

Speaking as a teacher, in my experience they mostly undergo some kind of horrible transformation over the summer holidays between Years 8 and 9 and the lovely, funny, sweet, eager little kids return to school as absolute buggers.

Then, in about the middle of Year 11 they suddenly become gorgeous again.

So...It's normal. Clearly exacerbated by her less-than-ideal family set-up.

Practically, the worst thing you can do is tell her off. Teenage girls all labour under the belief that they are uniquely tortured and misunderstood, and calling her on her behaviour will only confirm that you are a terrible cunt just like everyone else.

It may stick in your craw, but you'll get far more joy out of a gentle, "Lucy, is everything ok? You seem to be so angry and upset at the moment...I love you, is there anything I can do to help?"

There will be floods of tears and some confessions of how and only Sylvia Plath and Brandon Lee could understand how COMPLETELY UNHAPPY she is (it may emerge that Marnie told Aiden that she is a slag, or some such nonsense).

It won't really change her behaviour but she'll be a bit nicer (if only around you) because when you're feeling isolated and put-upon (however utterly unjustified) having an ally is pretty much the one thing that improves your outlook.

Good luck. Grin and bear it - you've just gotta ride it out. She'll be grand again in a couple of years.

Geocentric Mon 14-Sep-09 12:03:13

notanumber - I think I'm going to print your post and save it for my DCs teenage years!!!

mumeeee Mon 14-Sep-09 12:25:11

A lot of that behavior is normal for a 14 year old. Bit she shouldn't be clicking fingers into peoples faces.

Morloth Mon 14-Sep-09 13:28:43

She sounds like a 14yo girl. I am sure some of them don't go mental but I think most do.

What did your DH do about the clicking thing? I hope he didn't get her another drink?

AstronomyDomine Mon 14-Sep-09 14:13:20

Addicted I know you weren't saying that smile

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